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DH and I met online in 2004. In 2005 had our first kid. 2007 got married. Had our second kid in 2010. Several times between the birth of our first child and today I have caught him online looking at porn, posting himself naked on dating sites, and emailing asking to "hook up" with women. This year we went to a therapist who said he had a addiction to porn. He also said that I needed to be communicative towards him and my needs and desires. Today I found him, yet again on a dating site. I found myself staring at his naked backside wondering why, but also thanking the almighty it wasn't his front side again!

His story is the same as before. He doesn't know why he did it, it's my fault for not having sex with him right when he asks for it, he wasn't looking to cheat just wanted to look at the pics, feels it's not cheating because he never did anything.

I have never cheated on him. I have never, after we met, put myself on a dating site or posted any naked pics of me online. I keep thinking I am wrong....I made him act this way...Why do i want to stay....Why do I love him so much....Why am I not good enough to make him stop doing it. Should I leave? Should I try to make it work? Is it hurting my kids? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I need a hug and all this negative crap out of my life...but I want him...WHY!!!!
 

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As part of your not divorcing him immediately, he should seek individual counseling and you both should go to marriage counseling.

If he doesn't go, tell him you're through.

And get an STD test. Chances are he's already cheated on you.
 

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Please read the link in my sig about help for sex addicts and their spouses. My husband also went online for hook ups (my story is linked in my sig too if you care to read).

You need to tell him that unless he gets in to see a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) and starts a 12 step meeting (how to find both of these are in that link) he must move out of the house. It isn't a bad idea to tell him to leave anyway, then have a look where he's at in six months and go from there. He will continue to do these things for the rest of his life if he doesn't get professional help for his specific problem.

And yes, you need to get STD tested. The chance that he has NOT met up with anyone is about one in ten kazillion. And if you haven't already, STOP having sex with him NOW.

Don't bother with MC until at least after the 6 month period. IC for you is a good idea though. CSAT's also deal with spouses - you should get your own though.

A book for you - I highly recommend it
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse
"Sexual addictions and compulsive sexual behavior are growing societal problems, with as many as three to six percent of the world population affected. Your Sexually Addicted Partner shatters the stigma and shame that millions of men and women carry when their partners are sexually addicted. They receive little empathy for their pain, which means they suffer alone, often shocked and isolated by the trauma. Barbara Steffens' groundbreaking new research shows that partners are not codependents but post-traumatic stress victims, while Marsha Means' personal experience provides insights, strategies, and critical steps to recognize, deal with, and heal partners of sexually addicted relationships. Firsthand accounts and stories reveal the impact of this addiction on survivors' lives."
 

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His story is the same as before. He doesn't know why he did it...
  • He does it because he lacks discipline.
  • He does it because there are no negative ramifications.
  • He does it because it strokes his ego.
  • He does it because it's easier than being married.

In the military these were the kind of guys we left back at the barracks to do housekeeping; we couldn't trust them to do the hard stuff.

Sandie, no more excuses, married men have no business going to dating sites and posting pictures of themselves. That isn't porn addiction, that's just flat out cheating.

T
 
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