Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am a female with a lot on my mind...........my husband is a great guy, good provider, loving person with a good heart who would do anything for anybody. I love him dearly and I consider him to be my best friend. We have been together for eight and half years and married five and half years. In those eight and a half years things have been pretty good, and we have accomplished alot together.
I also have gone from a size 16 to a size 10 which was a great accomplishment for me and a goal I set for myself that I am proud to say that I have acheived. My husband seem to be happy with the new me and says I look great and he loved me even when I was bigger.

Now let's get to my problem....................in the last year or so things in the bedroom has totally changed. I have tried talking to him about the why the flames have disappeared, books, movies, sexy lingerie, dates, you name it and I have tried it. I asked him if the change in my weight has made the difference but he says no, I look wonderful.
I am a housewife so on day I am home but when he comes home from work everything is neat, clean and dinner is more than like ready. Even though I am home most of the time I still take care of myself and look presentable. No matter how I look all day, when it is time for him to come home I make sure I clean up and have on something by the time he come homes (my mother always says you should never look the same as you did when your husband let home for work unless you are sick, then your still should try to spruce up a bit; give him a happy thought to come home too). I should also tell you he is the type of man who comes home from work, brings home the paycheck too. He's not the type to stay out and party, he has hobbies and few friends he hang out with every now and than (nothing to complain about, he is a good guy).

But for some reason everything about our sex life has changed...............we you to have sex as many times a day as possible, anytime and place. Now he come home every night from work and just complain about his day on the job all time. Then we will eat dinner and watch tv and he usually passes out and go to sleep on me every night. The next morning he will apologize for falling asleep and tells me he loves me (what you think every women wants to hear all the time). I do love him and I know in my heart he love me but sometimes I just not sure I feel the love. There have been nights I planned a romantic evening for us, he has come home to soft music, candle light and me in something special but nothing has happened. He would eat and call hisself relaxing and go to sleep, leaving me to myself a usual. I will sometime text message him on his cell phone with sexy message or setting up a date for when he comes home. When I send the messages to him he seem to be all into things but when he comes home from work things become totally different.

I don't know what is going on, am I doing something wrong, is it weight issue, I am I giving or assuming too much. I just don't know anymore .........................Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
162 Posts
It seems like everything is...normal. The fevered pitch of a sex life that you have in the beginning is simply unsustainable for normal humans once they have settled into the daily routine of a relationship. Many times people will interpret this as falling out of love, but it's more akin to your brain chemistry adjusting to the presence of the ongoing relationship.

I assume that your sex drive is higher than his, and that you are not doing things to entice him because you are "supposed" to do them or because you equate sex with love, but I could be wrong.

Since you are doing everything that you can, you might seek medical advice on the matter, but be sure your husband is present for that. Marriage counseling might be a good idea also, but again, make sure he is present. Things cannot change if he isn't participating at every step!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Riverbrooke

Hi Cimboo,

I'm new to this community, but I am married just like yourself. I have been married now for 16 years, we have 9 children, and I too stay at home. I understand that you lost weight, that's great! You must feel exceptionally well. Is your husband over weight? Does he work long hours, and is his work more laborious (construction, public works, etc.)? Have you spoke with him about the problem? Do you have children? Does he get a physical at least once a year? If he does you may want to know how he is doing.

I ask all of these questions because it would be difficult to give you really sound advice without knowing some key things. However, talking about it and making him aware of your need to be more intimate makes for a healthy relationship. If he does work long hours, is over weight, or has a job that requires alot of him physically that may be at least one of the sources to the problem. What I have done in the past when I really needed to talk to my husband about something that was affecting our relationship, I would choose a place to talk outside of the home. Let's say you planned an intimate evening out so that you could get his undivided attention, and there would leave no room for falling asleep. Talk, talk, talk. Communication is the glue to any relationship, no matter who you are. In all of your getting, get understanding because that is part of growing in wisdom. Try to understand why your husband is not as intimate, by first talking with him in a private and intimate setting.

If there is nothing going on with him physically or mentally, your marriage may just need a very good vacation. Cruises are very romantic, dancing, laying out around the pool or sauna, exercise rooms, rooms with a view. A vacation may just be the medicine your marriage needs.

Hope thread leads you in the right direction, or at least gives you a starting point. :smthumbup:

Riverbrooke
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
59 Posts
If you're husband is falling asleep when he gets home, it's possible he has a health problem. I would suggest that you have him see a doctor. It may not be you at all. If the doctor gives him a clean bill of health and there's still a problem, then seek a marriage counselor. Don't give up on him, besides the lack of sex and his falling asleep, he sounds like a keeper.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
I certainly don't think it is because you have lost weight. He has probably just gotten very comfortable with you and doesn't even realize there's a problem.

Do you work? Maybe you are spending too much time at home waiting for him and he is just plain tired from his busy day when he gets home. Maybe you might want to find some activity to focus your mind on something else. When he sees what other interests you might have, he might become more passionate about you again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
57 Posts
Hi Cimboo!
Does sex have to be at night? My husband works very long days at a stressful job for the government and I am a full time college student with 2 children at home. By the time supper is cleaned up and tummies are settled, we're exhausted! Me especially. (I'm struggling with fatigue...seeing the doc about it soon!) We've only been married for 5 years, but when our sex life dwindled, we just re-scheduled it. It's not always easy, as I am NOT a morning person, but I know it's important to our marriage to keep that intimacy and 'flame' burning. Not to say we never have 'good nights' anymore! Just a suggestion....I also agree very much with the others who posted! Good luck! Hang in there!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Re: Depressed being married to a Japanese man

the differences between East and West cultures is like day and night. I suggest that the first thing for you to do would be to work hard to become independent and self sufficient emotionally and financially. I strongly encourage you not to get pregnant at this time. If you speak Japanese and English and have any office skills you ought to be able to get a job. Men in any culture run away from a clinging vine in a wife or girlfriend. You don't have to share everything you think or feel with your husband. It might be a burden for him if he is in a different place emotionally than you. Be kind to him and respectful, but develop yourself as a person. Men admire and respect a woman who respects herself. Especially Japanese men will respect you more if you have something going for yourself. You can also volunteer at a school for children or nursery, or maybe a hospital or old age home. Get active, your husband cannot fill all your needs. No other human being can. I wish you the best.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top