Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Me and my fiance used to have a very rocky relationship. It was a little abusive back over a year ago. There was physical abuse from both sides. We both knew we had sever anger problems.

Well, last year, him and I got into a fight and it resulted in my jaw being fractured. The doctors made me get surgery instead of just wiring my mouth like they're supposed to do. Me and my fiance had to go to court because the city pressed charges against him and they told me if I didn't testify against him I'd go to jail. I found out I was pregnant a month after our fight. My fiance ended up getting 2 years probation and a misdemeanor reckless endangerment charge.

We went to counseling and worked things out. Things are really good now. We have an amazing son and he's an amazing dad. He treats me right now. We're planning on moving back in together as soon as we can get the money.

Of course, my parents hate him. Not only did he hurt me, he got me pregnant. I'm only 19. He's 20. So we're younger parents. We made some reckless decisions in the past but my parents will never get over them. I'll never be able to bring his name up in a conversation, he'll never be allowed to anything with my family. If we get married, my parents wouldn't even show up. In August, our son is betting baptized and my fiance wants to be there. The probably is that my dad will be there. My dad wants to break his jaw to show him how it feels. My parents don't care the he did change and that we worked out our anger problems and have a healthy relationship now. Yes, me and my fiance still fight, but never physical and it's usually over stress from money.

Also, my fiance wasn't the abusive one, I was. He snapped that one time. I have sever anxiety and depression. I tend to have panic attacks and I don't even realize that I hurt someone. I was also drunk at the time when we got into our fight (I don't drink anymore at all.)

My dad say's that my fiance owes them money for them having to drive 3 hours to go to court and for the hospital visits. My fiance won't. He doesn't even want to apologize to my dad, my dad is demanding for one, because he already apologized to me because it happened to me not my dad.

I just feel like even though we worked our relationship out, the stress from my family will pull us apart. It's hard to plan a life with someone knowing that if you're with them, you have to give up your parents. But I want us to be a family. We have a son and want to raise him together and be a happy family.

I just don't know what to do. I completely forgave my fiance. It was a mutual fight, he was hurt but not badly. We worked everything out. But my parents just won't get over it.

The main reason why my fiance won't apologize to my dad is because my dad thinks that he has the right to hit me because I'm his daughter. My dad has hit me a lot when I was younger. The last time he hit me was when I was 8 weeks pregnant and just had my second surgery to fix the mistakes the doctors made. My parents went against my will because I didn't want the surgery. Found out from my new dentist and oral surgeon that for a hairline fracture that may have been caused by a softball accident because the fracture was already healing which shows that it could have been old.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Wow. This is very scary. I can totally understand where your parents are coming from with not wanting to talk to him and the rest. Who would want their daughter to stay with someone who fractured them?! This is very serious. I'm sorry to say, but you don't know if this is the last time he's gonna hurt you OR your son, God forbid. I would not want to do anything with this man either. You really need to be careful even though you say things got better. Maybe one time a huge fight will break out again and he'll do the same thing. You just can't be 100% sure. As much as you love him, you need to be aware. Protect your son. Abusers are not always fixed 100%.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
I think you missed the part about saying how he wasn't really the abuser in the relationship. We got help. I'm better now to the point where I can control my anger. I pushed him over the edge. I'm on medication now to help with my depression and anxiety. He only pushed me (he didn't actually hit me he was trying to get me off of him.) He didn't know how to stop me when I got that bad.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,049 Posts
You are not your dad. A dad's job is to put men like that in the ground. And every day your fiance is free, breathing air and walking around he should get on his knees and thank some higher power for not ending his ****.

Personally I think you're crazy. My son was in a toxic violent relationship with a physically abusive woman and he was brought up to not put his hands on a woman, ever. EVER. So she had to go. Had.to.go. I personally went down there and packed her stuff and threw it in the back of her mom's pickup. Dad's deal with ****.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Runs like Dog So you think it's fine my dad hit me when I was pregnant right after having surgery? Is that his job too?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,049 Posts
No I think you learn to put up with what you put up with. I think that's how you think and feel now and when you come across someone like your loser fiance you sort of think that's normal. I'm just telling you how dads are programmed, whether they're crappy dads or not is not really the point. It sounds like they all suck. And you're in the middle of this, why again?

Maybe that pack of wolves you're related to is irredeemable but you're not. Are you irredeemable? Don't you deserve better? A dog deserves better. You beat a dog and it usually runs away. What's keeping you there?

Seriously. What makes you stay. Rocky? Is that how you would describe it? I'd call the whole thing scary. Messed up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Did you miss the part in the post where I said I was the abuser? My fiance would put up with it and if I got too bad he'd just hold me down until I stopped? We've worked out our problems, our relationship problems and our personal problems. You make it seem like I said everyday he comes home and beats me. He pushed me away so I'd stop. I don't "put up with it."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
385 Posts
Why do you put up with your dad hitting you? You don't sound like you're okay with it, yet you aren't doing anything about it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
There's nothing I can do right now. I have to live with them now because I don't have the money to move out again yet. I lived on my own for a year and a half before I had my son.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top