Our 5 year anniversary is this Friday..

4568 Views 21 Replies 9 Participants Last post by sandcastle, Mar 16, 2018

idontknowhat2believe

Discussion Starter · Mar 15, 2018

and it's been a little over a month since I found out that my husband had been cheating on me with the downstairs neighbor for almost two years. Feb. 12 to be exact, three days after I found out that my father had passed away cold and alone. One month after suffering the loss of my younger cousin who was murdered as a result of gang violence.

There has been so much sadness in my life, yet I generally bounce back because I'm made of tough stuff. I thought I was slowly but surely doing better, but as the days go by, and our our 5th year wedding anniversary approaches, all I can feel is despair. I've cried several times today, when I haven't cried for a couple of weeks.

Last year, all I could talk about was doing something amazing with my husband to celebrate our milestone anniversary, like go to Punta Cana or the Bahamas, take a trip together. We were going to travel the country for our one year anniversary, but couldn't because his favorite uncle passed away suddenly, god rest his soul. So I thought we should make up for it now that enough time has passed.He surprisingly agreed (he hates tropical, beachy vacations), and I began planning everything immediately.

Fast forward 5 months and I find out that I am pregnant with our first baby, a baby boy due in April. The plans to take that awesome trip were understandably put on hold being that I could literally give birth any day.

Both of us are looking forward to the arrival of our baby boy, and to be honest, it's the only real thing keeping me happy, and focused on what's truly important. Part of me feels like the world's biggest joke has been played on me. And another part, a larger part of myself, feels that everything happens for a reason, and even though the timing was terrible, that maybe I needed to learn about the infidelity when I did.

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EleGirl

· #9 · Mar 15, 2018

If you want to try to rebuild your marriage then there are things that you and he can do.

There are three books that I think would help you.

Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley, this book is for you to read, not your husband. It has a plan that you can follow. It talks about Plan A and Plan B. You are beyond both of those plans. You are into recovery right now as long as he has actually stopped all contact with the OW. There is a lot in that book that you, as the betrayed spouse, need to know about infidelity and recovery and what you need to insist on from him to help you heal.

These next two books are for you and him to read together and do the work that they say to do. The idea of the book is to teach you how to build a strong marriage that is as affair proof as possible. Read these two in the order listed below:

"Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs"

How soon are you going to be moving?

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EleGirl

· #10 · Mar 15, 2018

idontknowhat2believe said:
I do love him. Soooo much. Even though he wronged me, I feel even worse when he cries, or sounds sad when he talks to me. I never want him to be sad. I wish he felt the same way the first time it happened, and thought about me. Instead, it didn’t matter that I was upstairs. Our vows didn’t matter, I didn’t matter. All that mattered was that moment. I know our marriage wasn’t the best at the time, but I didn’t think it was so bad that I deserved to be cheated on. You don’t just cheat on someone you’ve vowed to spend the rest of your life with, when things get tough. You put on your big boy pants, or big girl panties, you sit down with your SO and have a serious conversation about your concerns.

There has been so much sadness in my life since the beginning of this year, yet I generally bounce back because I'm made of tough stuff. I thought I was slowly but surely doing better, but as the days go by, and our 5th year wedding anniversary approaches, all I can feel is despair. I've cried several times today, when I haven't cried for a couple of weeks. March is also his birth month, and part of me wonders if it happened on his birthday. If she gave him birthday sex. Or if it happened on our anniversary. Like, maybe I got stupid drunk celebrating both occasions and passed out so he went elsewhere. Honestly, it’s all possible. He says no, that it didn’t happen on those dates. Then again he doesn’t remember the exact dates. I also, get the feeling he’s hiding something else from me. Something he thinks might compound the hurt. I’ll never know.

You will be hurting for some time over this. It takes a betrayed spouse (BS) 2 to 5 years to recover from infidelity. It's a hard path ahead of you.

Does he answer your questions when you ask about his cheating?

I hope that the OW is leaving the two of you alone.

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