Our 5 year anniversary is this Friday..

and it's been a little over a month since I found out that my husband had been cheating on me with the downstairs neighbor for almost two years. Feb. 12 to be exact, three days after I found out that my father had passed away cold and alone. One month after suffering the loss of my younger cousin who was murdered as a result of gang violence.

There has been so much sadness in my life, yet I generally bounce back because I'm made of tough stuff. I thought I was slowly but surely doing better, but as the days go by, and our our 5th year wedding anniversary approaches, all I can feel is despair. I've cried several times today, when I haven't cried for a couple of weeks.

Last year, all I could talk about was doing something amazing with my husband to celebrate our milestone anniversary, like go to Punta Cana or the Bahamas, take a trip together. We were going to travel the country for our one year anniversary, but couldn't because his favorite uncle passed away suddenly, god rest his soul. So I thought we should make up for it now that enough time has passed.He surprisingly agreed (he hates tropical, beachy vacations), and I began planning everything immediately.

Fast forward 5 months and I find out that I am pregnant with our first baby, a baby boy due in April. The plans to take that awesome trip were understandably put on hold being that I could literally give birth any day.

Both of us are looking forward to the arrival of our baby boy, and to be honest, it's the only real thing keeping me happy, and focused on what's truly important. Part of me feels like the world's biggest joke has been played on me. And another part, a larger part of myself, feels that everything happens for a reason, and even though the timing was terrible, that maybe I needed to learn about the infidelity when I did.