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Discussion Starter #1
I am separated, waiting on divorce. I caught the wife cheating. The person I called my best friend defended her until the proof came in, then he condemned her. Fast forward....

Wife "tried" to reconcile for 6 mos, then went back to old habits...then i was injured in a fall, then she said we were done.

Best friend tells me they email some. Even starts getting in on property settlement. Then one night , it hits the fan in a bar, when I realize, as I had noticed ex to be was always at their house (he is married). I met him out the other night to discuss things since we had not talked in two months. He says he doesn't want to talk about ex. I say it is all inter twined. He then shifts the bar blowup to being my fault. Then tells me they were having lunch twice a week. I might, as I don't recall exactly, may have had a meal with his wife once. I rented them a rental property I own at cost for several years....they stayed at our home when they were in town while his wife was in school. Yesterday, he dropped pine needles off at my old house. Today he was so nice as to spread them. While I doubt there is a EA going on (racial difference) I feel he over stepped his bounds and is trying for one. Also, he shifted the whole altercation that happened as being my fault. His wife, who was rude to me and acted as a high schooler had no blame.

Am I crazy?

Thoughts?

c2500
 

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Discussion Starter #3
The race comment is the wife has never shown any inkling to be attracted to a person of another race. Hence, my comment. But it very easily could be emotional. We live in the south, and that type thing is frowned upon. My former best friend is black and married to someone white. I could care less about the racial aspect, but the wife commented on it multiple times.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
And please understand, I am not trying to twist this into a racial thing. I probably should have ommited that detail. This is simply an issue of man to man so to speak.
 

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Regardless of blame and fault, if he is your friend, you should be able to say to him:

"John, you know you're my best friend and I really appreciate all you've done for me lately (pine needles and such) and you know how much STBXW hurt me with her cheating right? I would really appreciate it if you would stop communicating with her and going to lunch with her because all it does is hurt me more"

After that, see what happens and decide if this guy is really your friend or someone else who wants to boink your wife
 

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I don't know your situation but maybe he is right about you. Maybe he is tired of hearing you put it all on the WW and you aren't accepting part of the blame for the problems in the marriage.

I'm not trying to be hurtful or non-supportive but there are always 2 sides to every story and yeah, an EA with him is a strong possibility.

And don't think the race issue would stop her. Many a white woman have been curious if "it's true" and gone down that road.
 

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sounds like hes banging your wife .....but thats just me!
 

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Discussion Starter #11
He is well aware of the situation...i used to sit in his office and show the tracking device video to him...live. I know he is capable of cheating on his wife...lets leave it at that. I would never use that information though, and I can't prove it either...

Anyway, I know I have blame in the marriage failing. I have never said I did not. I am just shocked to hear how much they spent time together. I do know, though, that when I had her caught for adultry, he was my best friend and condemned her. Now though, his attitude is different. Maybe I should rely on the adage if it looks, smeels, and tastes, it probably is.


c2500
 

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Just maybe he is helping you while you are hurt. You helped him out and now he is doing the same for you. Sometimes people just need to help a friend out. Your wife cheated once and you forgave her . You can't get worked up everytime a man is around. You should relax and get better. Because until you see them messing around ,they are not doing anything.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
I can't say he is helping me. We have spoken 4 times in 2.5 months. On thursday of this week he was spreading pine needles for her at the old house . The irony is if the situation were reversed he would have been angry to the point of violence if I was with his wife two or more times a week.
 

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You're separated, waiting for a divorce. Why do you care what she does or who with? If you two were separated and going to counseling, trying to fix things, that's different. I don't see the point of dangling from a celibacy cross because you're waiting on legal paper.
 

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I can't say he is helping me. We have spoken 4 times in 2.5 months. On thursday of this week he was spreading pine needles for her at the old house . The irony is if the situation were reversed he would have been angry to the point of violence if I was with his wife two or more times a week.
Let me just ask you do you still want your W?
 

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Discussion Starter #16
No, I don't. I have learned from all of this that she is far more manipulative than I ever realzied. I also learned she has been constantly lying to me. I am simply deeply hurt that a person I have confided in is now her new big time friend. I am walking away from it all but it still hurts. I can't understand the "friend" doing this to me...except that he has a bit of an ego, and I suspect the ex to be either stroked it...or more...so she could have a friend, or a new guy to do all her grunt work.

Fortunately, the "friend" does not know near as much as he thinks he does.
 

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Well, personally I'd cross him off my "friend" list. When the wife and I split we agreed to divide up the friends like the rest of the property. :)
 

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Be patient...... your payoff will come when both the 'cheaters' eventually cheat on each other.

Isn't there some sort of 'guy' code that says: old girlfriends are off limits to male friends/family members?
 
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Discussion Starter #19
The irony here is that he would have killed me if I was behaving this way with his wife. Even if they were splitting up.
 

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c2500,

Ask him the age old question often posted on these boards:

If our roles were reversed and I was the one hanging out with YOUR stbxw, how would that make you feel?

After that, you'll know if he's a friend or not

I believe the answer is that he isn't
 
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