Wow..I think that there is no better sex therapist than your partner if the communication is opened about it. like you telling him what you would like. i fortunately dont have many issues with my wife under that point of view but every now and then she asks me to do something and i absolutely do it..why not! it should be great for both!I need advice on how to stop hitting dead ends, I'll try to be brief on the backstory. My husband and i have been together for 5 years, married for 2 years. (F26, M34)The first 6 months we had amazing sex, but early on, even though I was enjoying it, i could tell it was completely for him. So i mentioned it casually that i had noticed, and no biggie but i would really like some foreplay first and a little attention throughout. He said ok and then more time had passed and nothing was happening so i started to suggest things in more detail. Still, after asking directly, he seemed to be doing less not more... He's very sensitive in his ego and becomes avoidant.
Always he would come and i would sometimes choose to finish myself but often times it just doesn't work that way. He always TELLS me to come like i can just rub one out whenever. It is a huge turn off for me to feel like my husband doesn't want to put in effort to make me feel good so i just don't even want it at that point. Periodically i just can't take it anymore and we have "a talk" about it. At this point he is technically trying but for some reason doesn't understand that he isnt doing any of my requests, he's doing what porn has taught him a woman likes. I told him what I like, but he just doesn't get it. It's like he hears what I'm saying and immediately erases it from his memory in favor of pornography scenes. i tried to get him to study women's anatomy and i sent him all kinds of articles. He read them but shows me what he's been studying... It's just more porn!!! The title might suggest it was for the woman but it is most certainly JUST porn.
We've had huge fights about his inability to understand a genuine woman from fantasy. He keeps diving for my clit and i keep begging for him to do a thigh massage at least, which he technically does, but God he just does not get it. I stopped sex altogether because it was genuinely BAD for me and it almost killed our relationship.
We try to compromise but i get the **** end of the stick. The deal is that he continues "trying" if i stop "withholding" sex. The situation now is that he gets huge doses of oxytocin and i get huge doses of cortisol every time we have sex. I don't know what to do now, I've been honest and open, I've described in detail how my body and psyche work, I've sacrificed my enjoyment for a promise that never comes. I'm stressed, depressed, and have heartbreaking dreams about divorce. I can't even masturbate anymore because my arousal is quickly replaced by heartache even when I'm alone. I feel traumatized. (Small complex trauma is real)
I can't afford therapy but i know we need it. He wouldn't go anyways. Is it SO WRONG and selfish to ask for a yoni massage? After all the effort I've put in and favors I've done... Is it so selfish to say i NEED this kind of sexual therapy from my husband?
At wits end, what do i do now...
From a Man stand point of view i can tell you that it must be one of two things..either he thinks you are an "object" that helps him emptying out his sack when he has to (and porn will absolutely bring us men to be like that like vibrators for women) or he genuinely has some issues in understanding.
i m sorry if i m straight forward with you but not sure there is any other reason. so my suggestion, as a man, is bring him to sex theraphy and see if anything changes. if it does that means that was option 2 and you guys will start to see progress. if theraphy dont do much then i am so sorry darling but you will have to decide what to do which is either to end the relationship or find an alternative that makes you "happy" too in bed (and not talking about cheating..maybe some toy?)
it depends how much you love this person, again..sex is important but love is more important.