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You may have shattered his confidence. Save up some money for a sex therapist. If he won't go, go without him. It's likely that this problem can be fixed, unless he wants divorce. A lot of guys really don't know what to do to please a woman. It's worse when their egos will not let them listen and learn.
He shattered his own confidence, I'm afraid.
 

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I might need to start a whole new thread for advice on this one, because we've had many a porn talk. I too think it is poisonous to his view of sex. I also know that porn CAN be used in a healthy way. He outright refused to quit. I'm clueless on how to continue this particular debate. I actually read about this addiction a lot since it affects him and us so greatly. He thought going 7 days without it wasa huge accomplishment and thinks that's all the proof he needs to show porn is not the problem.
He needs to go to a therapist and understand the difference between fantasy and reality.
 

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I agree, and he needs to find out why his sex drive has to come from porn? There is something not right with him needing porn to want sex with his young and beautiful wife. I'd be insulted if the woman I loved needed porn to want sex with me.

My HD would only be magnified by having a sexy and willing young lady by my side.

Maybe he needs his testosterone levels checked.
It was something I read that psychologists noticed early on when porn became so accessible on the internet. Guys who grew up using it, some of them got to where they could only get off using their favorite scenarios that they chose of course. They couldn't connect with a real woman with her own ways. They just keep trying to push their script on them. It was just unintimate sex based on whatever fantasies they chose and the reactions by the women in porn are just fake reactions, but that is what they came to expect. Just not grounded in reality. And this guy doesn't seem to see what's wrong with it and that's why he needs to get in therapy to discuss it and then individual therapy to bring him back down to earth and deprogram him. I bet he won't, though. He's a porn casualty.
 

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It's a sad fact that while most guys love a BJ and if all else fails, you can always depend on that, with women, each one has different hot buttons and desired intensity, so it's just more complex. I think he thinks they're all supposed to be responsive acting like in porn videos where doing what HE likes gets THEM off. Just not reality. He either doesn't get it or doesn't want to get it.
 

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The hot buttons are there to be found very easily on any woman. It just takes patience and the willingness to explore her body till you find them all.

He can't just project what he sees on porn (that is staged) onto his wife.
I mean, if someone is listening, it's just a matter of saying "right there" and "faster" or "slower." But this guy thinks he's a master student of the art of porn or something. There are women who are too shy to give little directions to help out, but this isn't one of them.
 

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This scares me and I have been considering it since I realized he was addicted. He says he has had access to porn since he was 14. It's going to take a lot of convincing for him. I did suggest it last year, he talked me out of it but the alternative hasn't gotten us anywhere. I hate this
It's going to take deprogramming and also someone convincing him what's real and what's fake.
 

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It’s an important point no one wants to address. The women in porn are pretending. They’re not enjoying the sex. Sometimes they’re not even consenting to the sex.
Then you'll have the die-hards who will say they watch "amateur porn." Really? And how do you know that? Because that's how they label it?
 

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I noticed right away and casually mentioned id like more before it even began to bother me. I married him anyways because I'm an idiot or something. Actually my only other long term relationship was with someone who turned out to be addicted to masturbation but not porn. There's something wrong with ME boy i can choose them.

He had a cute first high school relationship, then the first time he lived with a girl she was f'n crazy and manipulative (i can confirm this to be true though she also complained about the porn), then he had an ok 3 year relationship with someone who had major issues (like couldn't even be seen naked, they had sex like twice) so he relied on porn there, he dated a black girl who was ashamed of him because he's white so they didn't last, and all throughout he's had many flings because he is very good looking. None of these girls have ever mentioned the sex being good or bad, but HE has said that they thought he was just the bomb diggity. His upbringing wasn't the best either, his dad was phenomenal but he had to deal with a lot of rejection from his mother and bounced between them. Things we will hopefully be talking to a therapist about. It explains the avoidant behavior. He says that i am his ideal woman and the best sex he's ever had but part of me is scared that this view also stems from me resembling his actresses...
Some guys who are real good looking will rest on their laurels because they can with some women. But others who are real good looking want to have a good reputation and actually try. I think it depends on the grapevine and whether they are plugged into it and thinking about that women will put the word out.
 

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Wife and I had been married awhile with two kids when it was published. We bought it and had a blast reading and trying stuff together. We were our one and only so learned a lot. Our copy is somewhere in the boxes of memorabilia our grandkids will discover and be scandalized by when we leave this planet.
Along with the xxx toys in the nightstand! OMG, people, don't leave those things for your offspring or grandkids to find when you croak!

I've been through it. When my best friend was having to do her dad's house when he passed, I told her to tell her half-brother to go clean out the bedroom, that she did NOT want to see that.
 

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Aw, I don’t know, it’s nice to think they had a vibrant sex life though. Of course I have a different perspective because it wouldn’t be MY parents. So I guess that ick factor is pretty high. Still, so sweet and kinda romantic to find Grandma’s fur-lined handcuffs…😂😉
Not when they've been single or widowed for 20 years!!!
 

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My husband used to show me videos and ask me if I thought they were faking it. I always said yes after genuinely looking to see, and one day i just laughed and said wait, do you really think ANY of this is real? He does understand there are actresses, but is convinced people go into porn and stay because they're having fun.
Aw, geez. He is living in a fairytale world of smut.
 

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My husband used to show me videos and ask me if I thought they were faking it. I always said yes after genuinely looking to see, and one day i just laughed and said wait, do you really think ANY of this is real? He does understand there are actresses, but is convinced people go into porn and stay because they're having fun.
You need to let him know that a lot of people in porn films, amateur or not, are actually slaves that have been sex-trafficked and forced to do it. I don't see how once people know that, they can live with themselves supporting it.
 
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