One question for the men, and another for the women

4961 Views 236 Replies 49 Participants Last post by RandomJohn1980, 8 d ago

MadeOfMetal

Discussion Starter · 23 d ago

I was on the fence between posting this here or in Off Topic, but leaned toward here because the behavior about to be described can definitely affect relationships.

Fair warning - this is going to be a super-silly post and I fully expect to get flamed. But I will greatly appreciate anyone who makes an effort to take it seriously, because this has honestly been a pain point for me my whole life, and I'm just trying to get an idea of if I'm in the minority or the majority.

Buckle up, here comes the serious question that's going to seem utterly silly:

To the men: When you're talking to a woman who's wearing a low-neckline dress, are you able to focus on her face or eyes for an entire conversation without your eyes going "down there" at all, not even like for just a quick glance?

I'm going to be honest - I can't. I try and try and try but I just can't, my eyes always "go down there", I can't help it, and it's usually met by the woman hiking up the neckline just a little bit. Rarely do they look like it bothered them but they almost always seem to notice what I did and it's embarrassing. Actually, the harder I try the more likely I am to do it - hypervigilance can really screw someone up. Just wondering if other men have that problem too and/or if you USED to have that problem but managed to solve it somehow.

To the women: How often do you go out in public with a low-neckline shirt or dress, and when you do, how often do you catch men "letting their eyes go down there"? How does it make you feel when you see a man glance? I've had women in the past tell me "don't worry about it, just don't stare or drool" and I've always wondered if they were telling me the truth or just trying to make me feel better.

I'm done. Again, as silly as this post seems, I really hope at least SOME of you will respond seriously. Appreciating it in advance.

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201 - 220 of 237 Posts

so_sweet

· #201 · 15 d ago

So if a man wears nice cologne, nice clothes (perhaps fitted if he's in shape) and gets a really nice haircut, is he just doing it to get women's attention? Or could he actually just be doing all of that because he likes it and it makes him feel good?

Also, men, why did you work out so much all winter? Was it only to flaunt those muscles in a tank or tight tee come summer? You guys should really cover-up, you know.

What was that about cleavage again?

Reactions: 3

Enigma32

· #202 · 15 d ago

so_sweet said:
So if a man wears nice cologne, nice clothes (perhaps fitted if he's in shape) and gets a really nice haircut, is he just doing it to get women's attention? Or could he actually just be doing all of that because he likes it and it makes him feel good?

Also, men, why did you work out so much all winter? Was it only to flaunt those muscles in a tank or tight tee come summer? You guys should really cover-up, you know.

What was that about cleavage again?

Cologne and muscles in tank top happened by complete accident. Men aren't trying to wear cologne or show muscles in a tank top. We can't help if our muscles pop out of our shirts. There are literally no shirts out there that could possibly contain these guns. You ladies just need to get used to your wet panties and learn to live with it.

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so_sweet

· #203 · 15 d ago

Enigma32 said:
Cologne and muscles in tank top happened by complete accident. Men aren't trying to wear cologne or show muscles in a tank top. We can't help if our muscles pop out of our shirts. There are literally no shirts out there that could possibly contain these guns. You ladies just need to get used to your wet panties and learn to live with it.

So you can relate then! Awesome.

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ConanHub

· #204 · 15 d ago

so_sweet said:
So if a man wears nice cologne, nice clothes (perhaps fitted if he's in shape) and gets a really nice haircut, is he just doing it to get women's attention? Or could he actually just be doing all of that because he likes it and it makes him feel good?

Also, men, why did you work out so much all winter? Was it only to flaunt those muscles in a tank or tight tee come summer? You guys should really cover-up, you know.

What was that about cleavage again?

That's for other men. Duh.🤣

Reactions: 1

Bullfrog1987

· #205 · 15 d ago

Griswold said:
HarperLee - I'm going to threadjack, but I can't resist Why is it that women assume that when we guys get woodies - it's because we're worked up? I can't tell you how often I've sat in my parked car at 5 AM in the gym parking lot waiting for Sir Lancealot to finally decide he did not need to test the elasticity of my gym shorts or (worse) my spinning shorts. We get pop ups all the time for no apparent reason. Even my wife, who is brilliant, and has also lived with me for 3 decades simply assumes I'm lusting after HER when Dr J starts to make a jump shot. I don't try to explain this to her anymore, as I think it's cute I'm getting credit...but I could be watching paint dry and this could happen. It' s a little less frequent now that I'm ancient...but it's still happening.

Morning wood is the best wood. Just saying 😆

@harperlee i am so dead over your diaper changing and just tuck it back in for you comment. She ain’t wrong 😆

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harperlee

· #206 · 15 d ago

Love you Bullfrog @youdon'tneedaheroyouareone.

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hamadryad

· #207 · 15 d ago

so_sweet said:
So if a man wears nice cologne, nice clothes (perhaps fitted if he's in shape) and gets a really nice haircut, is he just doing it to get women's attention? Or could he actually just be doing all of that because he likes it and it makes him feel good?

Also, men, why did you work out so much all winter? Was it only to flaunt those muscles in a tank or tight tee come summer? You guys should really cover-up, you know.

What was that about cleavage again?

As a matter of fact, some of the best built guys out there are mostly covered up. Fact.

But then you wouldn't know that ..

What you are seeing/ describing is the male equivalent of the size 22 woman gloating about her enormous sexy breasts that all the guys go crazy over.

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Hopeful Cynic

· #208 · 15 d ago

harperlee said:
Similar to this equivalent for men:
View attachment 99240

So how many of ya'll noticed she's wearing her mask badly, and how many looks did it take? ROFL

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Personal

· #209 · 15 d ago

Hopeful Cynic said:
So how many of ya'll noticed she's wearing her mask badly, and how many looks did it take? ROFL

The person wearing that mask is a man.

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joannacroc

· #210 · 14 d ago

hamadryad said:
Last summer I walked into a MINI (cooper) dealership to meet a client. They had all the people there wearing light blue T shirts emblazoned on the front with the words MINI in black letters across the chest.

The woman greeter was stacked like a brick **** house. She's like " hello, how can I help you"? I paused for a moment after taking it all in and said. "No. I don't think so" (as if I disagreed with the word MINI across her chest) it was way out of character for me, but it's almost like it slipped out, lol. She had no idea what I was talking about.

Anyway. I don't get why it would be so bothersome, as long as it's done inconsipicuously. I've caught women over the years staring at my body parts, some are even bold enough to say something. It never bothered me, but I suppose for women the dynamics are kinda not the same, so I get it.

I mean, I have been mesmerized by a good-looking man before. But what is bothersome for some women I guess is when you are wanting to be taken seriously in some context and then someone is checking out your rack, that is what is annoying. It makes you feel like you are not being seen as a professional in work situations for example. Over the years I have dressed more and more conservatively at work but I'm also not going to wear a mumu. There has to be a certain amount of self control and professionalism on the part of others.

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hamadryad

· #211 · 14 d ago

joannacroc said:
I mean, I have been mesmerized by a good-looking man before. But what is bothersome for some women I guess is when you are wanting to be taken seriously in some context and then someone is checking out your rack, that is what is annoying. It makes you feel like you are not being seen as a professional in work situations for example. Over the years I have dressed more and more conservatively at work but I'm also not going to wear a mumu. There has to be a certain amount of self control and professionalism on the part of others.

Believe me, as someone with admittedly a tittie fascination I wish I knew why these two mounds of flesh are so damned mesmerizing, 😆.. It's irrational, but its been this way as long as I can recall.

But gotta keep it completely controlled and not let it get you stupid. That's when it becomes a problem. I get that completely.

BigDaddyNY

· #212 · 14 d ago

hamadryad said:
Most women tart themselves up to actually knock back other women.

I know it may be a bit of a disappointment, but a lot of guys actually secretly mock women that go out of their way to try to get cheap validation..

There is definitely a line. It is pretty obvious when a woman is dressed for attention vs just looking good.

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TinyTbone

· #213 · 14 d ago

joannacroc said:
I mean, I have been mesmerized by a good-looking man before. But what is bothersome for some women I guess is when you are wanting to be taken seriously in some context and then someone is checking out your rack, that is what is annoying. It makes you feel like you are not being seen as a professional in work situations for example. Over the years I have dressed more and more conservatively at work but I'm also not going to wear a mumu. There has to be a certain amount of self control and professionalism on the part of others.

WORD!

Reactions: 1

Griswold

· #214 · 14 d ago

joannacroc said:
It makes you feel like you are not being seen as a professional in work situations for example.

Thx for posting. As male professional working with many, many women, it's important to hear this. I strive to make your sisters, with whom I work, feel like I see them as the highly trained professionals they are. I have to work with them; I need them to succeed. But please, hear me back, it's a challenge. It's friction. It's effort. As Hamadryad says, I do (we do) have to keep it completely controlled - and I think most of us manage. But it's not just a "oh snap out of it " moment.

One of the most fascinating things I ever read (and I'm damned if I can find the link) was a description of the experiences of women, who were transitioning to men. Their reactions to large testosterone dosages was really interesting. Suddenly they were staring at EVERY woman they saw on a bus. They were noticing things they never noticed or cared about before (breasts). They had anger and impulse control issues. They lost 10% of their vocabulary. We, as men, are walking around with comparatively vast amounts of the chemical that causes this mayhem. We learn over a life time to control it, to redirect it, to make it useful. Of course, women manage dosages of different chemicals that affect their behavior. It's not like the poor guys are in this alone. But "our" chemical can directly cause a lot of the one-on-one disasters we see in work places.

Add to this that evidence strongly suggests that we (men) simply find women waaaay more attractive on average than they find us. If the averages hold up, Joanofcroc is mesmerized by maybe, at most 2 guys out of 10 she sees. Hamadryad (to throw him under the bus

) is probably mesmerized - or at least spends his allotted 2 seconds of staring time, on 6 to 8 out of 10 women. We are literally designed to be more distracted.

I expect to be working with a gaggle of late 20 something young women next week. And by God I will make them the best at what we do. But as least to this board, I'll confess that this will be harder than working with the gaggle of late 20 something young men that I will also see. My testosterone laden brain will not be mesmerized by any of those guys.

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joannacroc

· #215 · 14 d ago

Griswold said:
Thx for posting. As male professional working with many, many women, it's important to hear this. I strive to make your sisters, with whom I work, feel like I see them as the highly trained professionals they are. I have to work with them; I need them to succeed. But please, hear me back, it's a challenge. It's friction. It's effort. As Hamadryad says, I do (we do) have to keep it completely controlled - and I think most of us manage. But it's not just a "oh snap out of it " moment.

One of the most fascinating things I ever read (and I'm damned if I can find the link) was a description of the experiences of women, who were transitioning to men. Their reactions to large testosterone dosages was really interesting. Suddenly they were staring at EVERY woman they saw on a bus. They were noticing things they never noticed or cared about before (breasts). They had anger and impulse control issues. They lost 10% of their vocabulary. We, as men, are walking around with comparatively vast amounts of the chemical that causes this mayhem. We learn over a life time to control it, to redirect it, to make it useful. Of course, women manage dosages of different chemicals that affect their behavior. It's not like the poor guys are in this alone. But "our" chemical can directly cause a lot of the one-on-one disasters we see in work places.

Add to this that evidence strongly suggests that we (men) simply find women waaaay more attractive on average than they find us. If the averages hold up, Joanofcroc is mesmerized by maybe, at most 2 guys out of 10 she sees. Hamadryad (to throw him under the bus ) is probably mesmerized - or at least spends his allotted 2 seconds of staring time, on 6 to 8 out of 10 women. We are literally designed to be more distracted.

I expect to be working with a gaggle of late 20 something young women next week. And by God I will make them the best at what we do. But as least to this board, I'll confess that this will be harder than working with the gaggle of late 20 something young men that I will also see. My testosterone laden brain will not be mesmerized by any of those guys.

Every human being is driven by impulses. But it's our responsibility to control them to the best of our abilities. Mostly we all do that at least some of the time. When I've seen it become problematic is when someone ascribes intent to the way a woman dresses. Often women put clothes on their bodies and go to work. And that's literally all there is to it. But it does seem like someone always has us under a microscope. If you're too business dress some people will see you as uptight and unapproachable which as a teacher you cannot afford to be. Go the opposite way and you're accused at least by some on TAM of attempting to sleep your way up the ladder. To a lot of professional women it does seem you can't win. No matter how you dress someone is going to criticize it. I have noticed if a women is beautiful and smiles and is kind, even if she dresses pretty timely some sour old grape will make insinuations about her trying to start something by basically existing in a job. Women can sometimes be each other's harshest critics. I am so very lucky to work with a wonderful bunch of folks now but it hasn't always been the case.

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joannacroc

· #216 · 14 d ago

Enigma32 said:
If you wear something revealing, it's not exactly an accident. I had an ex who was around 150lbs with a size 36-38H bra. Not implants, just how her build is. She would buy size medium pants and 2xl shirts to cover up and she almost always covered herself up modestly. If you don't want people to see what you're packing, it's not too hard to hide it at least a little bit. I know if she could pull it off, then almost anyone could.

I guess the thing is that men's hormonal reactions to women have been blamed on women covered head to toe. At the end of the day I don't really see why we should all have to swathe ourselves in uncomfortable rolls of fabric from chin to toes so that some dude somewhere can feel satisfied that you are unnoticeable enough to meet with his moral code. We also aren't movie villains twirling our mustaches and going muahahaha at the prospect of bagging some guy at work. Admittedly the mustache would probably ruin the effect in any case

Enigma32

· #217 · 14 d ago

joannacroc said:
I guess the thing is that men's hormonal reactions to women have been blamed on women covered head to toe. At the end of the day I don't really see why we should all have to swathe ourselves in uncomfortable rolls of fabric from chin to toes so that some dude somewhere can feel satisfied that you are unnoticeable enough to meet with his moral code. We also aren't movie villains twirling our mustaches and going muahahaha at the prospect of bagging some guy at work. Admittedly the mustache would probably ruin the effect in any case

It's not a matter of ladies having to wear something uncomfortable in order for men to be comfortable. My point is, it's not exactly an accident if a girl is showing off her assets. If my ex with her H or I cup bra could hide her giant boobs then so can almost anyone else. A lot of ladies like to wear somewhat revealing clothing and then get upset when the wrong guy looks. Ladies can dress more modestly if they don't like those looks.

For the record, if I see some girl obviously trying hard to get attention by wearing a low-cut, thin shirt and no bra on a cool day, I might think in my head that she's a bit desperate for attention but it's not like I'm gonna walk around shaming her all day. Whatever I think about her morals or whatever should be irrelevant to her. We don't or shouldn't need constant reassurance or patting on the back for every choice we make. A lot of people here hate my life choices and I have 0 f*cks to give them.

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ConanHub

· #218 · 14 d ago

harperlee said:
Love you Bullfrog @youdon'tneedaheroyouareone.

She is but she deserves one anyway.😉

Griswold

· #219 · 14 d ago

Joannacroc (joan of the hill - are you Irish??) I promise that every woman I work with dresses extremally professionally. I am 100% sure they are not intentionally or subliminally trying to project sex appeal. I completely understand that. To many men...pretty is pretty. No matter how it's packaged. There is a phenomenon observed in men called the over perception bias. On average, men perceive that women are far more interested in them sexually than the women actually are. It's incredibly annoying to everyone. But evolution does not give a crap. It seems to have designed a bias that makes men think women are way more interested in them than is true. What's even more stupid, but true and replicable, is that the more attractive the woman, the worse the bias in the men. From a reproductive standpoint this is a helpful adaptation, as the genome shows, men are much less successful at procreation than woman. Nature is giving them a shove. But in the modern workplace this is a maladaptation and leads to endless problems. When I'm working with my young charges, I remind myself, you are an old fart - no one gives a %$# about you - DO YOUR JOB.

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ConanHub

· #220 · 14 d ago

joannacroc said:
I mean, I have been mesmerized by a good-looking man before. But what is bothersome for some women I guess is when you are wanting to be taken seriously in some context and then someone is checking out your rack, that is what is annoying. It makes you feel like you are not being seen as a professional in work situations for example. Over the years I have dressed more and more conservatively at work but I'm also not going to wear a mumu. There has to be a certain amount of self control and professionalism on the part of others.

I just got done on a project working with a woman with quadruple D breasts.

Her eyes were blue/green and her hair was red.

I was not intimidated in the least by her sharp mind and enjoyed working with her. There are many men that don't appreciate her attention to detail but I'm not one of them.

I take in the whole picture. I'm treated the same. Women I work with do not ignore my physical attributes and also enjoy working with me because of my ethics and sharpness as well.

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