Hang in there and seek some help. Someone to support you through this, someone you can talk to, therapy! You have so many choices, please don't let him take all of your hardwork away from you. Godspeed, my friend.
Thanks for reading.
Up until now I've posted in "Coping with Infidelity". I can't figure out how to paste my links here, but they wouldn't help much anyway to tell the whole story. They're mostly just about my feelings about being cheated on and in the process of being left....although now it's back to "I don't know", "it's not decided".
Right now I want more than anything in the whole world to drink. I met my husband 10 years ago. I wasn't a drinker then. He's an alcoholic. In the middle of our years together I started drinking. I got very bad. Pretty much life threatening bad. I stopped all by myself. No help, no nothing. Just stopped because I knew if I didn't I would die. It really was that bad. I quit in October of 2010.
A year ago next month I found out about his cheating and exactly how bad the betrayal was. I stayed sober by a miracle until a couple weeks ago when our reconciliation was derailed.... I drank twice since then. I want to drink so bad now I almost can't stop myself. So far I'm stopping myself. I know that I have things to live for. I have a lot to live for actually. I know that to start drinking again means at best sickness and loss of what little I have left and at worst, death. But I want the pain to stop. Not sure why I'm posting. Sort of just throwing this out there. I know it's up to me. I know that there are others out there in the same boat. But I just don't know if I'll choose to love myself and care for myself. Or to help other people destroy me. Because at the moment, I feel decimated. And I see no way out. Even though I know there's a way out. I just can't see it. Maybe because it's hard to see through tears. I don't know.
Anyway, thanks for reading.