[pebble]

Hi all,
I am hoping to get some advice as to what to do with a horrible situation. I got married to the man I believed was the love of my life 2 months ago. We are been happily together for 4 years and even though we have had our ups and downs we have a good and happy relationship.
On saturday my husband went out with a group of his friends in a city far from where we live and stayed over night at a hotel.
When he got home he confessed after a lot of questioning that he had gone back the hotel with a table dancer and had spent the night with her.
He said he was totally drunk (and on cocaine) and didn't know what he was doing.
I am in such total shock I'm not sure what to do. I have asked him to leave so I can have some space but I can't even bare to think about him- it just feels so disgusting.
Does anyone have any advice?

 

[TCSRedhead]

I'm extremely sensitive to the illegal drug use and where that can go, so for me - I'd be out the door.

My ex's habits spun so far out of control that he had weeks go by with little or no recollection of his activity. It was dangerous for him and also for me (who knows what he could have brought home and given me!).

Married two months - no children? I would file for divorce and not look back. Let him work on getting himself clean and fixing what drove him to that type of behavior.

Stay clean and sober for two years, then if you still find you love him, consider dating.

Hope would have the best advice for this.

 

[pebble]

Yes no children and drugs is totally out of character. I think its the shock of something totally unexpected that is the hardest to deal with. The last 2 months have been the happiest of my life. Do men just do these things?

 

[TCSRedhead]

Do men just do these things?

No, they don't. This behavior is really disturbing and endangers you both.

You do need to both get tested for STD's.

I'm really sorry - this is horrible for anyone to go through.

 

[tom67]

Yes no children and drugs is totally out of character. I think its the shock of something totally unexpected that is the hardest to deal with. The last 2 months have been the happiest of my life. Do men just do these things?

If you want to r with him tell him no more guys night out no more drugs or alcohol for atleast 3 months and see if he can adhere to this. If he shows true remorse, he should do this without question because he has to earn your trust back!

 

[pebble]

Is this a sign of things to come? Does some thing like this mean someone has that in them to do it again and again?

 

[5Creed]

Whether he has it in him to do it over and over doesn't matter right now. He did it ONE time and that is one time too many! That needs to be dealt with. Thank God you were only married for two months and found this out now. I am sorry you are here~

 

[TCSRedhead]

Is this a sign of things to come? Does some thing like this mean someone has that in them to do it again and again?

This is one time it definitely did happen that you know about - could it have already happened other times? It's hard to say definitely one way or another but you can't rule it out.

Can you live with the risk that he may have infected you with a sexually transmitted disease without any concern for your health? Can you live with the risk it could happen in the future?

 

[DawnD]

Is this a sign of things to come? Does some thing like this mean someone has that in them to do it again and again?

If you are considering staying, then you need boundaries. No more guys nights out, no more drugs, and complete transparency. Both of you should participate in transparency, just because it is healthy to be open with one another.

personally, I would have been out the door when he said cocaine, but we all have our different boundaries. If you do decide to try and work it out, you need to know what you will tolerate. If this happens again, we will divorce, etc, etc.

 

[Broken at 20]

Yes.
It is called divorce.
Or anulled.

First off, he is cheating after 2 months of marriage. Don't expect him to be faithful if you for some reason do attempt to reconcile.
Second, he did cocaine. Expensive drugs for the rich. So he blew his money on expensive drugs, which can land his ass in jail, or prison.

This guy is a trouble maker. Get the hell out.

I am curious what you are doing married to this man.
Did he just randomly turn into a cocaine snorting player after 2 months of marriage? Did he not drop ANY signs that he did cocaine, or was a womanizer? Did this just appear out of no where?
Because I have trouble believing that.

 

[costa200]

2 months in, heavy drinker, drug user and a cheater? Sounds like prince charming...

 

[CandieGirl]

Not all men are like this, and once doesn't mean he'll do it again, but you should be aware that drugs, alcohol, and ONS really have no place in marriage - people who engage in destructive behaviours such as these, rarely make it a one time thing.

Take it from someone who's been there and done that. You don't want to make this your life...

 

[chillymorn]

2 months in, heavy drinker, drug user and a cheater? Sounds like prince charming...

yea a real gem ....dose he have a job? or are you the only income?


run for the hills ......and never look back

 

[chillymorn]

and coke and alcohol don't make you do anything.

 

[pebble]

Yes.
It is called divorce.
Or anulled.

First off, he is cheating after 2 months of marriage. Don't expect him to be faithful if you for some reason do attempt to reconcile.
Second, he did cocaine. Expensive drugs for the rich. So he blew his money on expensive drugs, which can land his ass in jail, or prison.

This guy is a trouble maker. Get the hell out.

I am curious what you are doing married to this man.
Did he just randomly turn into a cocaine snorting player after 2 months of marriage? Did he not drop ANY signs that he did cocaine, or was a womanizer? Did this just appear out of no where?
Because I have trouble believing that.

 

[pebble]

He's a professional guy- he has his own company. He's very sporty and into health and we just don't have the type of life that involves drugs or anything like that. 2 of the guys who I don't know had it and no one twisted his arm but he ended up taking it and clearly went off the rails. i think that is why i am so shocked.

 

[waiwera]

Hun.. you two should still be in then honeymoon stage...madly in love with each other.

He has disrespected you and your marriage in the worst possible way.

This would probably end MY marriage and I've been married for 22 years and we have 3 kids.... I do hope you've had a STD check.

Do you really want to give the rest of your life to a man who can do this to you after 2 months of marriage?

I'm pretty certain you deserve better.... what he did is just revolting.

So sorry for you right now. Have you got friends and family to support you.

 

[Broken at 20]

Most guys don't randomly do cocaine.
And happily married men don't have one night stands after 2 months of marriage. You guys should still be in the honeymoon phase.

You want to get it anulled.

What you are hoping for is that we all see this guy the way you see him. Whatever the hell that is.

But we don't. We see a lying, cheating, drug abusing, loser, and are wondering what the hell you see in him.
And you can tell us how maybe he isn't a loser because he does make good money, and how he isn't a drug abuser because you think his friends are the ones that got him to do it, or whatever else you can come up with.

And unless you can see this guy for what he is, we can't really help you.
It will be like those girls that are dating the biggest jerk and loser, and all their friends tell them to leave him, but she says "Oh, he is sweet to me, and it's not that simple. I can't just leave him..."

Get out now, while you are only ankle deep.
Because the longer this marriage last, the deeper you sink.

 

[pebble]

Hun.. you two should still be in then honeymoon stage...madly in love with each other.

He has disrespected you and your marriage in the worst possible way.

This would probably end MY marriage and I've been married for 22 years and we have 3 kids.... I do hope you've had a STD check.

Do you really want to give the rest of your life to a man who can do this to you after 2 months of marriage?

I'm pretty certain you deserve better.... what he did is just revolting.



So sorry for you right now. Have you got friends and family to support you.

He told me when he got home and I made him leave straight away so we obviously havent slept together since it happened.
It is revolting and makes me feel disgusted, how can someone do something so out of character?

 

[TCSRedhead]

The biggest issue I have is he doesn't sound like he's really owning his mistake. He's blaming the alcohol and cocaine.

Um, WHO forced him to do those things? No one.

Who forced him to have sex with someone else? No one.

Make him get tested, get tested yourself.