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Ok, here it is in a nut shell. I love my husband, we have been married for 16 years and have 3 children, I'm just not happy anymore. We are all messed up! My husband is in the Army and in the last 10 years has only been home for about 4 of them. Because of all the deployments, courses, and TDY assignments we have become very disconnected and distant with one another. We hardly speak to each other or spend time together. He would rather look online and "take care of business" than come to the bedroom where I am. (We go weeks sometimes months) during the last deployment he told me that he thinks he wants a divorce.. I stuck around and tried working it out with him. Come to find out he fell in love with another female soldier. He told her, wrote a love letter to her and everything. She didn't feel the same so he started working on "us". Things have gotten physical during our fights throughout the marriage. Not every time but enough.... And once should be too much right?! My friends and family and screaming for me leave. I know he is an ass but I am anything but and angel in this marriage. I am moody, I have trust issues, I have hidden the fact that I have a credit card and its got $4000 on it now. We are living over seas now days. I have started the process for the kids and I to leave. I'm having second thoughts now though. Do I want to leave cause it's what's best or because I miss my family, I miss living in the states, and I hate what the Army has done to my marriage. Ever since I said I want a divorce he has really made an effort to change the things I have an issue with. Bought me a flower everyday for 2 months and is now mad cause I won't break down my walls and try on us. I'm just afraid of getting hurt. Should I open up and try on us again or is the damage done and I should cut my losses? Sometimes I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis and or mood issues that are contributing to this. Will I end up regretting leaving?! I have my kids to think about. I just wanna make the right choice.
 

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I'm sorry but as soon as I saw that some of the fights have turned physical, that is a seal breaker.

The only reason he seems to be trying is that his other love interest shot him down. Your the 2nd place prize. Never settle to be second

RUN!
 

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His physical abuse is a deal breaker.

Sounds to me like you are in a bad marriage.
I'd cut ties.

If you decide one more try....

Then make it stick. Set ultimatums.
 

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Ouch. Messed up is right.
Sorry to be negative, but it doesn't sound like in this particular case that he would be willing to save the marriage..sounds as though he has made that clear in many ways.
I gotta say, I think he is waiting for you to end it. Wants that blood to be on your hands...
Divorce can be quick and safe, look for all your options first, arrange and plan carefully.
Take care of yourself and be free.
Instead of Run, a detailed and organized retreat is what is called for.
What are the divorce rates for active servicemen? I imagine higher than that of the general population?
Isn't there support through the military for you?
Good luck in any event.
 
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