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alright here is my take on your situation.

As far as your H and his inclination to cheat and lie. Because you mentioned that right after he talked to his abusive father, for the first time, he then text a message to another women that tells me that he has an emotional addiction to the physical attention from other women. The physical is a fix to his emotional turmoil. It is an actual need for him. much like alcohol or any drug. this is his drug. You are dealing with an addict. Addicts lie. They have an underlying need and cannot face reality. Lies confuse the conscience and provide an avenue for disillusionment on the addicts part. What that means is, he cannot have a guilty conscience because he has told so many lies he does not know left from right. It is characteristic of all addicts to be compulsive liars.

What this means for you. You're going to have to accept that you cannot change him, control him, or make him honest. You do not have that kind of power. no matter how much you want to. You are going to have to accept that you are in control of your own happiness only, and that by 'taking it' from him you are allowing yourself to become the martyr. You can limit the affect his behavior has on you by learning to "accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and gain wisdom to know the difference."

I think you ought to buy the literature provided by al-anon. Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen Its directed towards spouse's of alcoholics but your behavior in this situation is the same as a person who is married to an alcoholic.
 
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