Talk About Marriage banner

121 - 140 of 362 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
9,481 Posts
He said he's on board with moving WITH ME now...not him being on board with me moving.
Oh HELL NO! NO WAY! You need to get OUT of this, not take his rotten ass WITH you! Who cares what his motive is, which is all manipulation by the way... you better stand up for yourself ASAP.

Why did you tell him???
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
Discussion Starter #123
I told him because rent at our current place is due today and I'm not going to pay it because I need that money to move out this weekend. Then he asked questions, I told him and said this is what I've told you for years and now this? I said if you wanted your daughter to come and live with us full time it would be no. That's not something I'm willing to do. My daughter is making me feel sort of bad about it because she said he lived with us when we first started dating but I said no, it's different. He moved in with US..you were already there. I said, he didn't have his kids full time. I didn't sign up for full time either. I said on top of that his daughter is NOTHING like you were. She is very ungrateful, entitled, complains about everything and is super moody. She actually is a female version of him looks and personality and there is no way in hell I'm dealing with two of them full time!

So you think he's manipulating me? Yes, probably. Considering he's still on strike, not making any money, etc.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,791 Posts
Wait-he wants to move in WITH you to your new place??!!!

**** NO. Just NO.

I'll tell you congratulations once we hear you've moved this weekend. WITHOUT HIM.:smile2:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
Discussion Starter #125
Well yes but when I told him I would not allow his daughter to live there full time he said ok no thanks...

This whole relationship his ex has been alllll over the place..moving his kids from place to place and now out of town and he's always just ok'd what she did...let's her and the kids do whatever...We have never done anything that was good for us because he made it all around her and what they had going on which is madness and all over the place...

I told him once and for all he needs to stop saying yes to all of their whims...like he has to put his foot down..he should tell his ex and his daughter no for once that she should give it a year and it not good then see what happens..but I can't guarantee they'll even be there a year...they may be back with their all over the place mom next month..who knows...

All I know is that I'm done living my life around what his whacky all over the place ex and kids need..I have put them first FOR YEARS...now it's time to put me first...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
Discussion Starter #126
Well he just pushed me so hard into the door I fell into our radio and onto the stool which jabbed my stomach and thigh and I have scrapes and a bruise on my arm. He is acting like he doesn’t know what happened and was like “huh you fell?” “Are you hurt?” “I was just trying to get you out of the way and didn’t mean to, I’m sorry”.

This is because we had a conversation about everything and he still said the same. I said ok, there has been no compromise and there never will be. I’m moving out this Saturday. He said ok and then muttered something else I don’t know and proceeded to “move me out of the way” which was so strong I fell to the side.

I told my daughter which I never have. It’s done. Of course he’s making me question because he said I didn’t realize and was only moving you out of way. Like what the hell. This hurts so bad I can’t even handle it.

Am I over reacting? I don’t even remember how it happened now:


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,791 Posts
My gosh no you're not overreacting.

I had a feeling that if you told him of your plans to leave, it'd become physical. I'm sorry.

Can you stay elsewhere until you move Saturday?

And what did your daughter say when you told her?

Focus on Saturday. It's only a few days away. Stop talking to him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
Discussion Starter #129
I just took photos and omg I have the biggest scrape and bruise on my thigh from falling into the chair and a big bruise on my stomach. Im here at home now. I don’t think he’ll do anything else. Hope not.

I have to say that I do feel bad for leaving him at such a bad time. Strike at woot, car payments behind, daughters moved out of town. Just feel like I’m kicking him when he’s really down and out. It’s just how I feel.

This is so hard. I’m so scared to be lonely. To start over at my age. Don’t have many friends or much of a life other than work.

Also so sad to be losing 12 years of the side of him that I love. I’ve never clicked or loved anyone as much as I do him. Again, speaking of the good him. I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone that is like the good side.

Then I’m like what if I just said ok your daughter can move in full time? Am I being selfish?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,243 Posts
.

Then I’m like what if I just said ok your daughter can move in full time? Am I being selfish?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
No, just foolish 12 yrs, of wasted time when in that time has only gotten worse.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
Discussion Starter #131
I locked the bedroom door last night by putting a wedge in front of it so he couldn’t get in. At 5:40 am I was woken up to him speaking through the door “are you leaving me?” I was like what? Because I was half asleep then he says again “are you leaving me” and I didn’t respond.

He sounds like a scared puppy or heart broken. That makes me sad of course cause I never want to hurt anyone or see them down. I’m really leaving him screwed while he’s down at his worst.

So that doesn’t help. This is all so hard.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,742 Posts
Well yes but when I told him I would not allow his daughter to live there full time he said ok no thanks....
LOL!! I love it. An unemployed, abusive, drunken POS - who needs his wife to support him because he's so lazy and aimless - being choosy about who he and his devil spawn daughter will SPONGE off of. That's rich! It really is.

I'm assuming he can afford to be choosy because there's a whole line of women outside the front door, beating each other with sticks and fighting to be first in line to take on this "prize."

He sounds like a scared puppy or heart broken. That makes me sad of course cause I never want to hurt anyone or see them down. I’m really leaving him screwed while he’s down at his worst.
Let me take a guess where this nonsense is going. :rolleyes:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,243 Posts
That's what abusers do, talk crap promises and can't believe that you won't take their BS as gospel. Sorry don't let it work for him anymore. He just want his kicking board that all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
Discussion Starter #134
LOL!! I love it. An unemployed, abusive, drunken POS - who needs his wife to support him because he's so lazy and aimless - being choosy about who he and his devil spawn daughter will SPONGE off of. That's rich! It really is.

I'm assuming he can afford to be choosy because there's a whole line of women outside the front door, beating each other with sticks and fighting to be first in line to take on this "prize."

I'm not sure if you're joking about the women? lol...Trying to make myself feel better, not worse lol...

I'm wondering if there is...there have always been women who want him...he's ridiculously handsome, charismatic, smart and funny...so yes, that's hard to think about...they're gonna get the "good twin"...he's a Gemini...and I'm just sad about that..

I don't think that's abnormal...it's been 12 years...that's the longest I've ever been and I know 12 years of bad but also 12 years of good...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,482 Posts
You need to get help from a women’s abuse clinic or whatever they call it. He is an abuser and you are an abused woman in denial.

The only time he is s good is when it suits him and he wants something. He’s a sociopath if not a psychopath. He is a s dangerous as a diamond back rattle snake. You will never know when he may deliver a fatal blow. Where will your child be then? Or he just may disable you. No real man hits a woman. He does it because in his twisted mind it props up his ego.

He is so broken he can’t be fixed. He is broke because he isn’t working. Not because of a strike. Motivated guys go out and find temporary jobs. Thanks to a great economy there are jobs everywhere. Some may not be much but can keep one afloat. Get away from this loser and make it a safe place for you and your daughter.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
Discussion Starter #136
Thank you. My daughter is older and lives on her own, thank goodness. But she now knows of it. Yesterday was the first I told her but did not tell her of the past altercations. This is the first time he's done anything in a LONG time. Not excusing it but just saying. But yes, I know. Anything can happen at any time. I even demanded marriage counseling but no. He can't or won't. It's just a mess. Wish I walked away a very long time ago. It would have hurt me less to leave.

My daughter made me feel better about me feeling bad yesterday. She said, mom there really is no good time to leave. He had money to gamble before, buy drinks, etc. then he can figure it out now and/or he can go and stay with a friend. She's so wise at the tender age of 25 and I'm beyond blessed to have her in my life. I wish I had more of her. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,764 Posts
Keep your forward focus now. He and his ex and daughters have been a united front dug in against you, making you the bad guy, for long enough. It won't change. You've said your peace. Now follow through.

The uncertainty of your future means that you are scared. The certainty of your past and present means that you are i danger. Pick the better option, which is to get out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,391 Posts
My daughter made me feel better about me feeling bad yesterday. She said, mom there really is no good time to leave. He had money to gamble before, buy drinks, etc. then he can figure it out now and/or he can go and stay with a friend. She's so wise at the tender age of 25 and I'm beyond blessed to have her in my life. I wish I had more of her. :)
Lean on your daughter for support. It sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and wants to be there for you. I hope you do move out. Have her with you for the move.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
Discussion Starter #139
Hello everyone. I signed the lease yesterday and got all utilities switched as of this weekend and mail changed, etc. started packing last night.

I have yet to find people to help move but hoping something will fall through.

He is very on board with wanting to move now. Said he’s willing to go to marriage counseling.

I feel very bad because again, leaving him with nothing.

Not saying he’s coming but what about marriage counseling?

Or is that a no?

I felt so at peace and at home when I went to see it again yesterday. Like very excited.

But when I came home, saw him and everything I just felt so sad.

It’s very strange all of the emotions from anger, fear, sadness then excited back to worry, etc. it’s so much to process in such short time.

Therapy is a no right? Please don’t be upset just again so much going on.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,791 Posts
He is very on board with wanting to move now. Said he’s willing to go to marriage counseling.

. . .

I felt so at peace and at home when I went to see it again yesterday. Like very excited.

But when I came home, saw him and everything I just felt so sad.
Of course he's on board with moving. Of course he's willing to go to marriage counseling. Because that means he will have to get off his lazy ass and find a job and not have you pay his bills. But don't you find it odd that all of this is at the 11th hour? Where was he when you wanted him to do this throughout your marriage? When my relationship was on its last legs, my bf allegedly had to go to the hospital because he fell at work. I didn't go see him. Then he had some other alleged medical emergency. I couldn't have cared less. Do you see the correlation? Your H is pulling out all the stops to get you to stay with him.

Continue with your plans. Without him. He should get individual counseling. For himself. He's got alot to fix.

What I quoted above tells you all you need to know. I get it--I remember when I looked at an apartment in secret while I was still with my abusive bf. There was a 1 year wait list!!! I remember thinking, this could be all mine-no broken dishes, no holes in the walls, no more supporting his no-job-having-ass, no more living in fear. this truly could be all mine. Heaven. Then I returned home and was so depressed. I cried alot. That was the beginning of the end thank goodness.

I didn't last another year with him. Kicked him out (it was MY house) and lived there alone until the apartment was available a year later.

Let those feelings of peace and excitement propel you forward to your new life. You are SO CLOSE. Please dont let him move in with you. Youd be dragging that albatross around your neck with you. Just dont. You'll have the same set of problems if you brought him with you--only in a new place.

Do you belong to a church? Can your fellow members help move? Can you afford to pay ancouple of college boys to do it for you? Whatever you do, when it comes time to actually move, please have someone, perhaps your daughter, anyone, be present. I have a feeling he's going to get violent. Does he know where your new place is?

And when you start to feel guilty, just look at the bruises and scrapes he gave you just a few days ago when he pushed you.

You can do it. You ARE doing it!
 
121 - 140 of 362 Posts
Top