Okay. I'll approach this from a detached, logical angle. You came here seven months ago. People offered advice and support. You would follow up by saying something along the lines of, "Yes, I know I'm [fill in the blank]."I didn't come here to get scolded or to be made to feel a certain way. I'm truly struggling so if you could please not be so harsh I would appreciate it.
Next, you would say he was making you feel a certain way. When you agreed you had to be responsible for your feelings, you would revert to lots of questions along the lines of, "What should I do?" or "Can anyone support me?" or "How should I proceed with the information you have provided?"
AGAIN, we would offer support and advice. AGAIN, you would say you are struggling. Nothing changes. Surely you must see that. You should also realize that you are frustrating everyone who has tried to help, because of what has become your standard operating procedure - since you started this thread - is to have a meltdown, ask for advice, blame yourself, blame him, then start all over again.
I'm just telling you that nobody online has the power to help you or give you the support you need. Why? Because YOU DON'T TAKE ONE SINGLE CONCRETE ACTION TO IMPROVE YOUR OWN CIRCUMSTANCES.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true. You either get yourself unstuck or you stay stuck. Your life. Your choice.