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Then rent a storage space for one month, pack his things, place the boxes in the storage unit, and leave the key to the storage unit taped on the door with a note that says, “I told you I wanted you gone. Your things are here (name of storage place) unit # X.”

The end.

He is a grown man with means to support himself and he can stay in a motel for a couple days to figure out a place to stay.

You BLOCK his phone number, remove him from all social media, and delete him from email.

In other words stop “talking” and start acting. You have a busy day—so get going.

BTW I am a female
 

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Discussion Starter #322
Thanks!! So I’m doing the right tying right? Again feel like I’m a high maintenance unsupportive wife.


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It’s up to you how you want to physically get rid of him. However him think you can actually go through with it. If you want to tell him he has 1 week and start packing his stuff up and then when that day comes change the locks... that’s fair.
 

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Thank you.

I am definitely codependent and have abandonment issues. I know all of these things. My eyes are open and I’m very aware.
Co-dependency is good thing for a while. Me and a girlfriend were in the space and we truly saved each other. I got some opportunities and dragged her along with me, she kept me going when nothing else could, and she moved forward too eventually, but started sabotaging me to keep the relationship in her safe zone, unfortunately it eventually ended, as I suppose that all such deals-with-the-devil must. She moved on and upwards (although plateaued for last couple of years); where my start rose a little then, when health went downhill, glad she not stuck here.

With co-dependency, to be healthy, there has to be an end point, where one or both of you had grown and must move on.
 

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This is his sixth dui. Three of them before we were together and three of them while we were together. I was praying that something like this would happen, because I thought that maybe it would be a wake up call. That he would change.
Could this guy BE any more a freakin' LOSER?

Exactly WHO is footing the bill for this complete loser's continued drinking and gambling and all the debt incurred every time he gets himself yet another DUI? Every single thing this ass-hole DOES while you're still married to him becomes MARITAL debt. And God forbid, if he'd maimed or killed someone driving around drunk, you BOTH would have been sued for likely much more than the limit of your insurance liability and THAT lien/judgment would be on top of your head for the rest of your born days. You'd never see another tax return or own anything outright or ever see another full paycheck again! Is that what you want?

This POS is nothing but a DAILY RISK and liability to you - what part of that don't you comprehend?

Well, after he promised me after this last incident that he would never drink again and get the help that he needs he went out last night and was at the bar for eight hours after work
Come on, OP. Stop pretending to be so obtuse that you actually BELIEVE the bull**** this POS spews. This isn't your first rodeo with this lying drunk so stop acting like anything he says has even one bit of merit because you know full well it doesn't.

You want this drunken POS out of your life? If you lose your nerve and don't have the locks changed, then think about enrolling him in-patient rehab for 30 days and tell him he's going or you'll be at your lawyer's in the morning - and then for a huge change, do something you SAY you're going to do and go see your lawyer. Your empty words and empty threats mean nothing at this point - so start standing behind what you say. Get to a lawyer and start the process of ridding yourself of this parasite. Once he's in rehab, gather up all his crap and put it in storage (in his name - let HIM deal with the unpaid bill for the next umpteen months when he doesn't pay it). Change your locks and let him know he can stay at a halfway house when he comes out of rehab because he's no longer welcome at your place.

You don't need our help. You just need to stop pandering to a worthless drunk.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over - and expecting different results. And that's what you've been doing for years. Just stop the damned insanity already.
 

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If you're looking for a knight in shining armor to rescue you, I doubt you'll find one on this forum. And, if you do, he won't be someone you'll want to keep. Be careful with whom you private message.
 

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I came back to read your update. I was hoping it would be I saw a lawyer and filed for divorce. Instead, it’s more of the same. You haven’t changed your situation at all, so you continue to live in hell. At what point do you stop blaming him and look in the mirror and blame yourself for not being strong enough to permanently end this relationship?
 

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Discussion Starter #329
Hi! Believe me, I blame myself. I feel so pathetic and have lost all self respect.

Right now, he’s here cause I couldn’t get the locks changed in time. Management needs few days notice for that.

I am super sick. Just got tested for COVID-19 and hoping the results are negative.

In the meantime, I’m too exhausted to deal with anything else but the plan is to divorce. I have a few calls in and waiting to hear back.

Maybe some of you can help in that regard? I had the paperwork filled out to file the divorce myself. We don’t own a house or car together and have always had separate bank accounts. I don’t want alimony from him. So I thought to file myself BUT aren’t I entitled to some or his pension and 401k since we’ve been married going on 3 years? He is a GM employee so I think they have all
Of that stuff. Or am I not entitled to any of that? If not, then I don’t need an attorney and can file on my own.

Suggestions?

But back to what you all said, I more then ever don’t want legal or financial ties to him.

I wish I could force him to rehab. I wish they would throw him in jail but that won’t happen. He always slides through these things easily.

So I don’t know how to approach amidst this quarantine stuff he may have it if I have it.

I am divorcing him. My mind is made up. Just now to get through this sickness stuff and I need you all to keep me strong through it cause of course he’s being golden husband taking care of me while I’m sick.

So please keep me strong. And I really look forward to what you think about divorce stuff.

Thanks and I hope you’re all staying as healthy as possible!


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Re: One foot out the door 😞

I agree 3xnocharm. I can have the locks changed tomorrow while he’s working?

Or do I give him a week?

I really am 10000% ready to be alone despite the pain ahead. It takes time for some or us to reach our limit and I’ve reached mine.

I have a big heart, always have. That isn’t a bad thing and me wanting to ask if I’m doing this the right way cause I don’t want anyone in a bad place doesn’t make me a bad person.

It also scares me so much thinking if something bad happens to him I will blame myself for not being a good wife. I would question if it’s my fault.

Just how I feel.

I sense so much frustration in a lot of the responses and that’s not fair. You haven’t walked in my shoes so please be patient with me. I’m here for help, have been honest, I know I have my own issues and I own that but at least I’m taking steps.

So please don’t give up me but I ask for you to try and understand why this is difficult.

Do I have the locks changed today? Is that too harsh? Or do I give a week? I really prefer not to have to but it’s a better way then I will.




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I would pack up his stuff and move it to a storage facility. Let him see you doing it (as long as you're not afraid he will become violent). Once it's done, give him the key and tell him he has until the next Sunday night to move out and if he refuses, you will call the sheriffs to help you.

This IS you helping him, ok? Enablers of alcoholics tell themselves they are helping by propping the person up, but the only way he will ever get help is if you stop enabling him.
 

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Discussion Starter #331
Thanks! I can’t see him letting me do that in front of him.

Any other options?


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Discussion Starter #333
I mean from a violent stand point. Moving his things in front of him while he’s here.


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Discussion Starter #335
Ok thanks!

He’s trying to make me feel bad or I I actually feel bad because he is talking about how his daughters are supposed to come here for spring break at the beginning of April. And that’s just way way far for me to think we’re actually just a few 20 days away. I told him this morning that things aren’t back to normal and that if his kids to come here for spring break that he needs to figure out where they’re going to stay And who is going to show for them all over the world like he typically does and he cannot do because he does not have a car or driving privileges which he may have by that point but I doubt it.

Am I being too harsh by laying that down? I just don’t want to be responsible for his children anymore or go above and beyond anymore because of the history of being taken advantage of and never being able to discuss issues about them etc. and me not being able to be a wife and a stepmom with Santee in the situation. I’m just done even after he has said things will be different this time he has shown me the last time when I said they weren’t staying here and I let them that things are not going to change. And I don’t want to be around it. And I don’t want to support it. They’re his kids his responsibility..

But am I being wrong for telling him that he needs to find a place for his children to stay? All of that stuff? I don’t wanna hurt anyone’s Feelings and I know that if it were the other way around he would not do this to me but I am also not the same as him and my daughter also has never acted the way that his children have.

I’m feeling extremely conflicted here and guilty because that’s just who I am so I’m hoping that you can help me feel better or stronger about this so that I don’t go back on my word again. Please.


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Good grief! The whole country is being locked down due to the coronavirus and you're going to let his kids come back and infect you?

And, yes, that is exactly what you will do because you enjoy being the victim way too much. This entire thread is just a way for you to get attention.
 

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@solost12,

Please rent a storage space for one month, pack his things, place the boxes in the storage unit, and leave the key to the storage unit taped on the door with a note that says, “I told you I wanted you gone. Your things are here (name of storage place) unit # X.”

The end.

He is a grown man with means to support himself and he can stay in a motel for a couple days to figure out a place to stay.

You BLOCK his phone number, remove him from all social media, and delete him from email.

In other words stop “talking” and start acting. You have a busy day—so get going.


P.S. I'm going to keep typing this until you do it. All thos other talk about his kids coming for Spring Break is :bsflag: He should be OUT OF YOUR HOUSE, and then if they want to stay with him at his motel, HE can figure out how to entertain them!

Pack his things. Today. Right now.
Get him out. Today. Right now.
 

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Discussion Starter #340
Thanks!

NO, I'm sorry but this thread is NOT for attention. How dare you say that. That is not true and super harsh. This is my real life, my real feeling's, what I'm REALLY struggling with.

His kids are NOT coming here! I already said that. I was feeling about it saying it though so I was hoping that you would help me feel better about it. But they are NOT staying with me.

The plan is for him to be gone before that.

I didn't come here to get scolded or to be made to feel a certain way. I'm truly struggling so if you could please not be so harsh I would appreciate it.


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