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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here I am, so gladly about to get down with the hubby, rear in the air, mid-day, (a triumph for those that know me:) and half of me is excited & loving the feeling of his hands on me, etc. That would be my emotional & heart-centered side.

But then the other half of me, being my irritating mind, is thinking..yikes, he is staring right at my 'you know what,' it's looking him right in the face, hope he's not grossed out, then thoughts of cellulite back there, thoughts of anything that could sabotage the moment. It always happens.

I know I've talked about this before, but I'm trying to explore why I do this. Why can't I just fully, fully be comfortable & happy in those moments? I feel afraid that if I relax too much I become vulnerable- is it a safety net? Like if I think it first, I won't be so surprised if he says something-(not that he ever does..)

I am asking in the men's section because knowing a man's take on the same situation often gives me what info I need to progress to the next level of confidence and gives me insight into new ways of thinking..

Of course it helps knowing that I am not alone & if other women do this or feel this way ever, how do you get a handle on it & just enjoy yourself?
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I don't like to make sweeping generalizations like this, but there is not a man on earth who is going to have a single thought of looking at his wife's or girlfriend's cellulite.

"Wow... she's really put some weight on back here--Oh, Hey! Vagina!"

I guarantee that there is no man who is committed to his wife that gives a damn about what's back there, unless it's figuring out how to get in.

I know that having these thoughts take over in the middle of sex must be uncomfortable. When I find that my imagination has taken control of my head, I try to replace those thoughts with thoughts that are more productive. In this particular case regarding sex, I would say that in order to deal with your insecurities of how he might see you, you might want to focus on how much pleasure he has being with you, or in his enjoyment of giving you pleasure. Or instead of being distracted by these thoughts, focus on the sheer animal pleasure the act of love-making from your husband gives you.

And by the way, congratulations on the afternoon delight! I just convinced my wife to come home early for a round of snogging before supper.
 

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Here I am, so gladly about to get down with the hubby, rear in the air, mid-day, (a triumph for those that know me:) and half of me is excited & loving the feeling of his hands on me, etc. That would be my emotional & heart-centered side.

But then the other half of me, being my irritating mind, is thinking..yikes, he is staring right at my 'you know what,' it's looking him right in the face, hope he's not grossed out, then thoughts of cellulite back there, thoughts of anything that could sabotage the moment. It always happens.

I know I've talked about this before, but I'm trying to explore why I do this. Why can't I just fully, fully be comfortable & happy in those moments? I feel afraid that if I relax too much I become vulnerable- is it a safety net? Like if I think it first, I won't be so surprised if he says something-(not that he ever does..)

I am asking in the men's section because knowing a man's take on the same situation often gives me what info I need to progress to the next level of confidence and gives me insight into new ways of thinking..

Of course it helps knowing that I am not alone & if other women do this or feel this way ever, how do you get a handle on it & just enjoy yourself?
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Don't you find it difficult typing while doing that?

And if I was your hubby I would find it very offputting. FFS ther's a time and a place for TAM you know! :D:D:)

But seriously KG you think about this too much. Your hubby is probably thinking something along the lines of "Oh yes! You are so going to get ridden hard now!

At least that's what I would be thinking. Err not about you but you know what I mean.
 

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This is where I'm envy the male mind sometimes regarding sex. I've had similar issues, and I have to tell you sex is sooo much better when you are able to let go of your insecurities. There are times when I would think "I hope I don't look silly in this position or I hope he doesn't notice Such and such."

Whereas my H is really thinking " my favorite position!"

Anyway your H loves you and is attracted to you, try to rid your mind of those thoughts, he's not thinking them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
You guys are funny- & I knew I'd get some slack, (COguy) but that's okay;) I project as much confidence as possible in person- it's everyone here that 'sees' my insecurities.
Oh, I envy the male mind too! I do think far too much, but unproductive thoughts & worse, self-sabotaging ones, for no good reason. It's a nasty habit.
I'm sure if I could retrain my mind, I would love to not worry about what he's thinking so much & get into what we're doing more!
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I find it amusing that women can complain about how simple men are, yet go on and on imputing all types of complicated thoughts into our heads. Most men are pretty simple when it comes to sex with our wife. We want it and we really don't see all the imperfections that you think you have. No, you are not perfect, but we see you in a much better light than you see yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
It's just that you generally won't think the way I do in that 'position,' not that you're simple minded at all, just that you can look past what we get stuck on, I admire that.
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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Haha...thank you! The things we do for you guys! Actually, once I can chill out mentally I'm certainly not complaining: )
Admittedly, it's definitely for me too..but it's so helpful to know its only my mind that freaks, probably not his!
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I'm not a small girl by any means. But when it comes to this... I LOVE IT!! I can ignore my worries about my body and just have a good damn time. Its my partner who helps with that. My husband isnt big on words, but boy he is big on showing with his body... (amazing I must say) But what matters is when its over and he pulls me close and kisses my head without saying a word. then promptly rolls over and is snoring in 0.2 seconds. As long as you have a good time and (my trick) FOCUS on something, weither its giving him pleasure or zoning in on your own, or kissing that spot on his neck that drives him insane, everything tends to melt away.
 
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