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Here is somthing I think most of us would never have thought about. Online games. They are fast becoming a big reason that people divorce. There are games out there like world of warcraft ("Yes I play this one") that consume so much of a man or womens time that it leaves there partner feeling left out. Not only does it take up time but it also builds relationships with other people. WOW has over 9 million players online and I have seen more then one relationship start in game that went to real life.

Just a thought to be looking at if your spouce seams to spend more time playing online games then they do talking with you.
 

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My wife is huge in WOW, however we have a rule when I am home I can tell her when I want to spend time with her and she wraps things up. We have regular times we cuddle, spend together and "date".

It took communications and boundries so each side got what they wanted in an exceptable way.

draconis
 

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I know someone this is causing a problem with. The couple has only been married a couple of years and has a baby. The husband is addicted to this game, comes in from work and goes straight to the game until bedtime. The wife comes home from work and is left to take care of the baby, house and dinner by herself. She has talked to him several times and he will get better for a couple of weeks and go right back. I think she is really to leave him over this. She said to me the other day that "If I'm going to be by myself and do everything on my own then I might as well be by myself. I think what she was saying is this is not a marriage and if he is going to be so uninvolved and leave her to live like a single mother then she figures she might just go ahead and be a single mother. It's sad really to break up a family over a game, but I see this as any addiction that takes a spouse away from the family be it video games, drugs, porn whatever, if the other person makes the choice to put the addiction first what is the remaining spouse suppose to do???
 

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It's sad really to break up a family over a game, but I see this as any addiction that takes a spouse away from the family be it video games, drugs, porn whatever, if the other person makes the choice to put the addiction first what is the remaining spouse suppose to do???
You are right any addiction is an addiction period and a family needs both family time and the parents need adult time together otherwise people sometimes the children are being neglected.

draconis
 

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Well... I am an EverQuest addict. But my wife and child are more important to me than a fantasy game.
 

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Welcome to my (Second) Life! My husband heard about Second Life around 2 years ago and, being self-employed, started using it every day while I was at work for about 3 months until I found out. I knew sth was up in the evenings when he started clicking away windows every time i went near the study.

I confronted him, found out he was doing that (with a female avatar -living out some things he can't in real life), and was hurt because he had been keeping sth obviously so major for him from me for so long.

My reaction after that? I signed up myself (the 'I'll show him' reaction...). Within a month I was the one in the study, clicking away windows. I fell more or less in love with a man on there (a real one), lots of the issues in my marriage became clearer, I flew alone to the States for two weeks to clear my head, came back and ended the Second Life relationship.

My husband is still daily on SL, and I accept it as long as I don't end up feeling neglected through it. So we have a little spat every month or two - but we do communicate about it. In the end it is doing more for him than I can really realize, and I'm trying to understand that.
 

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yea my wife is an addict as well, but she has to fight my children for Computer time and often loses.

Also hard to play games if the power card is missing!! LOL hehe

Since I work on a computer all day/night long with my job, last thing I want to see is a PC when I am home, so I do other things.

Only time it bothers me really is if she is off for the day and no one is home, she plays the PC all day long and get's nothing done around the house, I tell her to at least do Laundry and play during "cycles"...to addicted though.

she is getting better though.
 

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I was kind of hoping I would find this subject here.

I totally totally totally agree that online games can be a complete relationship killer. They follow very well-established patterns for inducing psychological addiction (frequent rewards for repetitive actions with occasional big rewards for sustained repetition). They consume HUGE amounts of time and they involve development of external 'family-like' relationships (as in 'guilds') with responsibilities and schedules all their own.

It is extremely easy to slide down the slippery slope of online game addiction these days. I've been there. I have three teenagers that have been right there with me, too. Addictions kill our relationships by supplanting our loved-one's places in our lives. When the game interferes with your interactions with your wife, your kid, or even your dog, it's done some serious damage.

The best thing I did for my family was to pack up the computer and stop playing entirely. It was hard - it REALLY is an addiction. I can monitor my kids and control their game time (kids seem to have an attention span that actually buffers them from this particular form of addiction I think) but I have to admit that I seem to be unable to play online games (MMORPGs to be exact) and maintain healthy relationships.
 

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Gosh... :(

I was addicted to WoW... my husband's affair woke me up. Thing is, I began my addiction more or less as an escape from my inability to communicate with him - he was distant from me and I did not know why... I was so frustrated and resentful in the end from repeatedly failing to get through to him that I turned to a fantasy world and meaningless attention from male gamers to occupy the time I should have been spending with him.

I went cold turkey for 2 weeks. But I still play on and off. Funny thing is, he plays too, we just never used to play TOGETHER. But now, we try to, and I only play when he is playing or I play when he is out. The second he is home, he has my undivided attention now.

I don't feel the games themselves are bad, and I don't think my addiction was the originating cause of our relationship breakdown. But it was a big contributing factor to me not making the effort to work on it.

For me, I now feel I have "control" over my playtime, something I lacked before. I got my priorities straight finally, whew. ;P
 

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My Husband and I were both addicted to DAOC we would come home from work and get online and play together I think it lasted about 2 months before I realized that I hadnt seen the outside except to go to and from work. So I logged on and deleted my character and uninstalled it from my computer....hubby soon followed and we havent looked back since.
 

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My husband and I stay away from computers when we get home, because we both are on them all day long for our jobs. My gaming worry has been with my middle son...very into WOW...but we limit his internet access so when he can't get online he was spending his time making videos of his characters and WOW short movies...very impressive but I was getting concerned with the amount of time he spends doing all of this. He will go out and play soccer/go to the pool/etc with friends when they come by and now that there are a few girls in their group, he's getting out much more often ;)
 

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i agree with draconis on this one, there has to be boundaries and respect. wrap things up.
personally this is the only chat thing i do, this forum, but its helping me with my marriage issues. so i see that as a plus.
as for these games and websites, its a fantasy life , that shows no boundaries, when in real life thats how it all crumbles.
 

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Me, my hubby and our friends used to play online games together. Well, as the saying goes, "if you can't beat them, join them!". It's a good platform for us as we have common topics and we do not play with people we do not know. However, now that he is more busy with work, he had stop playing it, I sort of lost interest as well. Now we are both playing WII (when we have the spare time)! Lol~

I agree that everything must have a limit. We must know when to put a stop if it's going to affect our lives.
 

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Man....here we go.

I have been a gamer since the early 80's. My parents divorced when I was young and gaming took my mind away to a different place where I felt I had control and also away from the hurt I felt towards that whole divorce situation.

I'm 39 now and I still revert to that place where I feel I have control. That is, until my wife of 12 years told me that she didn't feel like she wanted to be married to me anymore.

Granted, gaming was a huge part of life and took away some of the pressure of my everyday job and normal stresses of life but, clearly to a point where I have neglected my wife and three children.

Gaming is not the only thing I am guilty of for leading my wife to the brink of ending our marriage. I left her to deal with the kids, the expenses, her job, house work, and the list goes on while I simply locked myself away in computer games. When she asked me if something was ok for her to do, I would concede to appease her for the moment, then get disgruntled later for letting her do it. I think that is called lieing.

In short, our communication has been less than stellar and gaming was not helping the situation at all.

Shame on me....

Now, my marriage is very fragile and I am begging for wife to stay. I sat down one night at our dining table and told her to tell me everything that has frustrated her in our marriage. She is not one to make waves and fears retaliation if she speaks up. I reassured her that I was going to keep my mouth shut and just listen.

She let me have it...both barrels. I took it as honest criticism and asked her to give me some time to make changes and show her that I can be that person that she originally married. She was very reluctant at first but, I am staying the course.

She means the world to me. I could not see myself without her or my children. I have since thrown all my games away. I sit at the table and eat dinner..not at the computer. I go on walks with the family, I do housework, I opened a seperate account to handle an equal portion of the bills, I play with the kids, I spend quality time with my wife now.

She's starting to cheer up and hopefully....able to fall in love with me again.

I am resolute to mend my marriage and the gaming path can never be looked upon or tred again.
 

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Hey Dan-O,

I'm sorry to hear your marriage got to that low point, but it sounds like you may have needed something drastic to really listen. Anything you grow dependent on can be really tough to stop, so I think it's pretty incredible the amount of positive changes you have made for your family. I wish you all the best.
 

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My husband is addicted to video games. at first i just became the jealous wife and tried to control him. then i went to a therapist and the therapist explained to me that it was a mental release from reality for him. So i guess he was just really stressed out and needed a breather. I do the same thing with reading. So i started to join in more, encourage him, read up about what he liked to play, and even play myself. He actually doesnt play much anymore.
 

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My wife hates video games. I begged her to come play on several occassions but, she would have nothing to do with it. My daughters gladly played with ol' dad.

Still, I am over the one month mark with no games and I feel positive about the changes I am making. I am attending the gym everyday and dealing with my depression issues by pumping iron again. I had fogotten why I used to love going to the gym. The gym smell of sweat, metal, someone grimacing to eak out that last rep and the racquetball hitting the wall in the courts several rooms over.

It's good to be home again.
 

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My wife used to play City of Heroes religiously, and once she discovered WoW, she made the switch. I'd already lost her to COH and was getting resentful and bitter, and things are worse with WoW. I have 2 jobs and she has none, our son is in daycare all day and she's just sitting there playing. The addictive personalities mixed with these games can ruin marriages! Plus the relationships that develop between gamers can cross certain lines as well.
 

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why is your son in daycare if she doesn't work? Would stopping daycare allow you to go down to 1 job?
 
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