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155 Posts
So yesterday in MC she finally states that she just cannot do the things I need (full transparency, full disclosure, etc., etc.). We had had a blowup the night before as I "caught" her deleting text message on her phone and she tried to play it off as being from her cousin, blah, blah, blah. She told me I could look it up on the phone records, and I just told her she doesn't get it. Not one bit, does she understand. I don't care about her cousin, and maybe that is who they were from...but what could ever be in those messages that you NEED to erase? AND we had talked specifically about that issue of NOT erasing messages. She gets mad that she doesn't have any privacy, and that it will never get better. I just told her people with nothing to hide, hide nothing, so I don't understand the problem...
We are going to try and keep things together through the holidays, although I dunno about that. But, I will on my part.
I told our MC almost a year ago, that she wouldn't be able to do the things that needed to be done to fully R, and I suppose having known that, I should have moved on at that time.
I guess you just really hope that the other person will grow up, to some degree.
We had seperated before and I told her this time I was not leaving the house till it was sold or the divorce was final. I'm not doing that again. We will see what sort of battleground this all becomes before too long.
I DID tell her and our MC (in the most even of tones), that recovery is still within her power. That the things I NEED for full R are not out of the ordinary or beyond reason, as could be evidenced by any book on affairs or groups such as this. My wife's response was that she was not a statistic, but my wife. I told her statistically she is behaving perfectly as someone who doesn't want to really recover and that she is following the script well. She didn't like that.
When she went to the bathroom, the MC told me she just doesn't understand the wall my wife has up and why she absolutely refuses to lower it. I guess that is no longer my problem.
I am thankful for TAM, at least I know I'm not crazy in sticking to my guns about what I need to fully recover. Sweeping it under the rug is definitely the wrong thing to do, and what we did our first go round. I just need to continue to see this as her choice not to return to the marriage, not mine. Someone please remind me of that from time to time...
We are going to try and keep things together through the holidays, although I dunno about that. But, I will on my part.
I told our MC almost a year ago, that she wouldn't be able to do the things that needed to be done to fully R, and I suppose having known that, I should have moved on at that time.
I guess you just really hope that the other person will grow up, to some degree.
We had seperated before and I told her this time I was not leaving the house till it was sold or the divorce was final. I'm not doing that again. We will see what sort of battleground this all becomes before too long.
I DID tell her and our MC (in the most even of tones), that recovery is still within her power. That the things I NEED for full R are not out of the ordinary or beyond reason, as could be evidenced by any book on affairs or groups such as this. My wife's response was that she was not a statistic, but my wife. I told her statistically she is behaving perfectly as someone who doesn't want to really recover and that she is following the script well. She didn't like that.
When she went to the bathroom, the MC told me she just doesn't understand the wall my wife has up and why she absolutely refuses to lower it. I guess that is no longer my problem.
I am thankful for TAM, at least I know I'm not crazy in sticking to my guns about what I need to fully recover. Sweeping it under the rug is definitely the wrong thing to do, and what we did our first go round. I just need to continue to see this as her choice not to return to the marriage, not mine. Someone please remind me of that from time to time...