[Confused76]

i just love my husband but the flame is dead. I know he loves me adn is trying, but i just don't have those feelings anymore. We have been thru so much in the past 7 years adn i just can't live my life the way he is about money and so cheap. I like to enjoy life adn spend. Yes, it's my problem, but he cannot ever change and i don't think i will either. i need constant attention and would love to be pampered, something he doesn't do b/c he watches every penny. we are in our 6th week of therapy and i don't know if i should confront this now, knowing i will deeply hurt him??? we have a toddler together, i think its' better for all of us to leave now, even though i nknow the pain it will cause........HELP

 

[draconis]

Confused76 ~ If you can't live like that then why suffer through a marriage for nothing but saving face?

If you can hold on and think there is a chance he can change tell him, this is what I need from you. Tell him to stop planning for the future because he is quickly about to find out that he will not have one, and if saving money is so important that the two of you are to different to keep a marriage.

The pain from a divorce is very hard at first. It takes time to heal, maybe a year to fully get over things. Mostly it is getting over yourself. It sounds like the two of you are friends. I hope you can stay that way if for nothing else your child.

draconis

 

[evenow]

Is the money issue the major problem or are there other issues that have killed the interest in your husband? I'm guessing that the therapy isn't going so well. Have you considered looking at another therapist?

I'm not sure if you want to stay married or not, but I would recommend bringing everything out in counseling. What do you have to lose with being honest if you're considering divorce? Tell him why you fell in love with him in the first place and how his frugality (or other issue) is destroying your ability to look at him with love.

And lastly, since I don't know your situation I don't know how valid his concerns are. If you do have money issues perhaps it's time for both people to come together and rearrange how money is used. Perhaps get another job, try to cut down on unnecessary expenses and spend more time on cheap date nights with each other.

 

[Confused76]

so we went to the stupid counselor..................we tried to see a new one.........they odn't participate w/our insurance.........i believe i made up my mind adn want out but just hate to hurt the one person who i alwasy cared and loved.

 

[draconis]

so we went to the stupid counselor..................we tried to see a new one.........they odn't participate w/our insurance.........i believe i made up my mind adn want out but just hate to hurt the one person who i alwasy cared and loved.

Then part ways and take solace in the fact that you will not be killing him slowly in a loveless relationship.

I would rather have the fire of love or be free. Yes relationships have ups and downs but it shouldn't be that hard on the heart.

You are doing a good thing for yourself and in the end for him too.

draconis

 

[kajira]

I think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with that person. I do love my husband, however, I do not have the feeling of "fight" for him anymore. At one time I would have walked through the depths of hell for him, not anymore. There is no drive left in me. I don't wish ill of him, nevertheless, I am just very indifferent........make sense?

 

[draconis]

I think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with that person. I do love my husband, however, I do not have the feeling of "fight" for him anymore. At one time I would have walked through the depths of hell for him, not anymore. There is no drive left in me. I don't wish ill of him, nevertheless, I am just very indifferent........make sense?

Very much so. Two years ago my ex wife needed a car and the wife and I decided to give her one of ours that was off the road. My wife and her get along. I still care she is well and she is one of my kid's mother. I would never go out with her or anything but I don't want to see her fall apart either. So what you said makes sense.

draconis

 

[dragonfly]

Draconis

I must say, you are very thoughtful.

 

[draconis]

dragonfly ~ Thank you very much for your kind words.

draconis