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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Why Men Do Not Want to Marry & How You Can Become the Woman Who Men Want to Marry... | Attraction & Love for Women


"Before I begin, let me just share a few extracts taken from an anti-marriage website:

“My wife was a frigid, shrivelled b***h. Before we were married, we had plenty of sex, but as soon as we passed the six month mark after our wedding, she stopped being interested. My wife only f***s when she “feels sexy.”

Translation: when I give her jewellery. She is just a withered old bag at the age of 35.”

“What security is there for men in marriage? If I cheat on my wife, she gets half my s**t. If she cheats on me, she still gets half my s**t. Why the f*** should i get married”

“We had one kid. Wife stays home, but the kid wears her out. I bust my f****** ASS 60 hrs/week and get no credit. Wife gives me guilt when I don’t throw everything down right after work to watch this screaming, annoying f****** kid so she can go out to the gym, or to some restaurant with her friends, or to her sister’s house to watch movies.

She gets to take naps during the day when the baby sleeps, and every time I call her on the cell during the day, she is at Starbucks with her Mom or friends. She says that doesn’t count as “Her time” because she’s with the baby.

I’ve had enough. I feel so undervalued and OWNED. She is so ‘entitled’ now it’s like 60 (or 70, or 80) hours a week from me is EXPECTED. Being at work from 8-7 counts as my ‘social’ time, so I am not allowed to have any friends or ever do ANYTHING outside of change F****** DIAPERS”


Hi there
I hope you’re having a lovely day and I haven’t thrown you off with those comments above! Now I am sure that, even just by reading these words you can see the frustration, resentment and anger inside these men.

(Please note: whilst I acknowledge that marriage takes 2, and that men need to step up and take charge of their own actions as well – this website is for women, so I focus mainly on what can be done from the woman’s end).

It’s true; if I was a man in this day and age, I would be quite put off marriage to many of the the modern women in the Western world. Truth be told, the state of our society has done some really bad things to the balance of masculine-feminine and to the values of women and men.

The reason why men do not marry is actually really simple. A lot of men feel that there is nothing in it for them! And what IS in it for them when they don’t have a good woman? The fast-moving modern world that we live in has ensured that women are working longer hours, juggling more responsibilities, and progressively less able to place their men as their top priority.
In fact, most women place their children at the top of their priorities – which may seem like the best thing to do, but men can grow to resent this as their women are more fulfilled taking care of their kids than they are taking care of their men.
In the meantime, their man gets/feels neglected. Even more important – most women just have no idea how men work. They do not understand them, and most of them do not want to understand them; they’re too busy attending to their other tasks or priorities – in other words, themselves.
However, just as you want to be understood; so does your man! It’s important to not be a man-hater, or a man-basher and stop putting everything down to “Men just want sex”. This is not always true, and true love does exist.

How to become marriage material

So how do you become the kind of woman men want to marry? I will give some strategies below:

- Stop thinking of yourself. Spend 60 days taking responsibility for your man’s needs and seeing things from his perspective, no matter how hard things are for you. If you do this, he may be more receptive to your needs and you will most likely get him in a different state; a state where you can bring up the topic of your needs with him.

- Understand him, and how he works. Work out what his needs and values are, and start to understand. If you’re often
defensive, start to seek understanding. Understanding gives you control and empowerment.

You’ll have a lot more certainty and happiness in your relationship if you start to understand that you DO have control over it – and you CAN make it better. More importantly, if you know how to meet his needs in a variety of ways better than anyone else ever could – he would have no reason not to want to be with you for as long as possible!

- Do not deny him sex regularly and do not use it as a commodity; do not ever use sex to specifically get what you want from him, if you want sex to be, for the long-term, a mutually enjoyable thing that you both share together.
Also, when you do sleep with him, be real, be honest and be generous. What do I mean by this? I mean understand him and learn why he wants sex. Don’t do it hoping it will be over soon. He knows this. He feels it.

It is very hard on a man to be sleeping with a woman who wants it to be over, and treats his sexual needs as another “chore” to be done on the list. It’s important that you make time for him, and for the both of you to be together and to keep the passion alive and kicking.

- Have high standards for yourself. Get fit, eat well. Also, just because you have had a child does not mean it’s ok to be overweight, depressed or “old” or no fun anymore. My lovely, as hard as it can be to look after so many things, and to have so many things on your mind, make it a habit to set your standards high.

If you want the great rewards and a fantastic loving husband who adores you, start by adoring him and understanding him. Understand that a man like his wife to look nice, not just for the sake of looking nice, BUT because he wants to know that his wife/girlfriend still CARES enough to bother making herself look nice for him.

This goes regardless of age. Just because a woman is 60, does not mean she can’t look good anymore. It’s more about never getting “old” on the inside, which then affects the outside.
These are a few good things that you can do to ensure you are on the right track to being the kind of woman a man wants to marry. And, it’s not all about getting a man to marry you or commit to you, it’s about starting by giving without expecting anything in return.

Men aren’t as terrible as so many women say. They are not “all the same”, and men are happy to be loyal and give to us and cherish a good woman who takes care of his needs and gives beyond herself. They are not always unreasonable creatures, there are compassionate, caring men around.

And, your man should do the same, too. Relationships are about giving."
 

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WHy did you copy that whole websites front page & post it??

None of the words you put in the top post, are yours at all. Unless you are Renee Wade.

Are you Renee Wade?
Otherwise, I don't get what you are trying to ask. All you did was copy her site/blog. If you're not Renee, then I think thats copy infringement.


Edit... sorry.. If you are trying to ask what my opinion of her site is.. then you should have just posted the link. Not copied the page as well.. it just makes it look like it was your words.

Personally, I think she has a few points there.. but she is also generalizing men into a pigeon whole category. Her opinions might fly for some 20 year old women, that have never married... but I don't think is practical advise for women in a troubled marriage that might be going to a marriage forum for advice & sharing of experiences.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
WHy did you copy that whole websites front page & post it??

None of the words you put in the top post, are yours at all. Unless you are Renee Wade.

Are you Renee Wade?
Otherwise, I don't get what you are trying to ask. All you did was copy her site/blog. If you're not Renee, then I think thats copy infringement.


Edit... sorry.. If you are trying to ask what my opinion of her site is.. then you should have just posted the link. Not copied the page as well.. it just makes it look like it was your words.

Personally, I think she has a few points there.. but she is also generalizing men into a pigeon whole category. Her opinions might fly for some 20 year old women, that have never married... but I don't think is practical advise for women in a troubled marriage that might be going to a marriage forum for advice & sharing of experiences.
Wow....I neglected to post quotation marks and you respond the way you did? I simply posted the article and link because in other forums I'm on, folks appreciate the story included as well.

Sorry if this was offensive but perhaps it speaks volumes as to the defensiveness that some women have about why men are choosing not to marry when in fact they should look inward as to how they act as being the reason why men aren't keen to marry nowadays. I'm not saying ALL women act this way and men certainly are at fault as well, but when you have the legal system that's almost overwhelmingly stacked against them in divorce court, I thought a perspective from a FEMALE viewpoint would somehow resonate. But then again...perhaps not.
 

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Thank you.. Yes, I guess I did over react to the copy & paste.

The problem that I had was, I read your post first.. Thought it was your words except for the areas that were quoted with quotation marks. I was about to respond, then I clicked on the link & saw that all the words that I had mistakenly thought were yours.. were infact exactly the same as the site.

So it threw me off a bit.

No, i don't think you are offensive, or the topic is offensive. I had just assumed from reading the first post that the "Hi there..." & after were all your thoughts about those first extracts from the anti marriage sites.

I do see your point for the site. As i said, I do agree with Ren'ees viewpoints on some items. However, just taking pride in your own body & making sure you look nice for your man, and taking care of his needs when he gets home from work... All those things do not miraculously fix a troubled marriage.

If a man is cheating on his wife, it's not necessarily because she has 'let herself go". It seems like Renee is pointing most of the blame of why men don't want to get married, on women with low self esteems.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Now that I look at what she wrote, I can see why you were confused about what she wrote vs. what you thought I had written. I've since corrected it to hopefully more accurately reflect those are her thoughts on why men don't want to marry as much nowadays.

I also ran across an interesting study from Pew research:

"Pew recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time"

LifeSiteNews Mobile | Young men giving up on marriage: ‘Women aren’t women anymore’

When you combine this with the upcoming demographic catastrophe of the West having less than 2.3 babies necessary to keep growing the population and all the financial implications it'll have on Medicare, Social Security, tax revenue, etc., this should be a HUGE wake-up call for not only women, but men as well.

But clearly Pew's research shows that while women are wanting to have a successful marriage, men are learning that the financial implications of marriage can devastate them. I speak from experience. And was only married 14 months before I realized the type of woman she was. It cost me well over $60k and yet she still claimed that I had to make her "whole" when I left the marriage.

Will I get married again? I'd like to find a RGW. But I'll have a pre-nup and I'll date her for at least 18 months to 2 years before even considering marrying. I own the stupid decision I made but I won't be taken to the cleaners twice.

But this perspective and the Pew research article is telling. I only mentioned this because it's clear that men are shying away from marriage. And unfortunately for many sound reasons.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
And here's another Youtube video that provides gov't data on why feminism has destroyed marriage and why men are giving up on the institution:

Traditional Relationships...nothing but business and a bottom line. - YouTube

It's lengthy but full of information that refutes the OLD adage that women leave men because of their lack of commitment. And it's not JUST occurring in America either (although we're far further ahead of most eastern countries).
 

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I'm a little confused honestly...

This is a marriage forum where the majority of the women are married,
Why would we honestly care if some random men don't want to get married? Lol

I don't think any man that feels uncomfortable with the idea of marriage should get married.
Finding a woman that's willing to live with you, carry your child, be monogamous, etc without a wedding ring is probably one of the easiest thing to do for men.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all as long as everyone's intentions are clear.

There will always be a reason why a woman isn't "marriage material" to a man that doesn't desire to be married. And for men that would like to be married, finding a woman that is marriage material seems to be easy enough.

Ultimately, marriage is a shared and mutual endeavour. In a situtation where one partner feels the other must convince them that they are "marriage material", by following the authors list of steps a,b,c... it'll never work out.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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I hate it when feminism is blamed for everything going wrong in relationships. Feminism was needed to even the playing field between men and women, and it is still needed because of the following:

1. We are still having the abortion rights debate, even in cases of rape and incest.

2. Women still make, on average, less money than men.

3. We still need to educate girls on birth control, and birth control is under fire from conservative groups who want abstinance practiced instead of birth control, not considering that growing teenagers will want to have sex.

Men who have problems dealing with strong women without losing their manhood have no idea what real manhood is. All of this "No more Mr. Nice Guy" and "Married man sex primer" stuff is to get men to deal with feminism?

Why can't men accept women as being strong and independent of them without turning bitter and wimpy?
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I hate it when feminism is blamed for everything going wrong in relationships. Feminism was needed to even the playing field between men and women, and it is still needed because of the following:

1. We are still having the abortion rights debate, even in cases of rape and incest.

But no issue when a woman makes a false claim that she's on birth control and she's not -- it's called fraud. And creates a situation where a man will be paying for her fraud for at least 18 years.

2. Women still make, on average, less money than men.

This has largely been debunked (the 70% less than men pay). Studies have shown that women gravitate to positions that do not require as much technical expertise (i.e. science, engineering, medicine), take jobs that are less dangerous (i.e. oil rig workers, fireman, policeman, etc), take time out of their career to raise children (which is often their choice or preference) which causes a loss of income and needing to go back in pay due to time off, etc. While it's not completely equal, tell me what job is? I know people who get paid a higher salary yet they do less stressfull, less time-consuming work. Is that fair? No, but it is what it is.

3. We still need to educate girls on birth control, and birth control is under fire from conservative groups who want abstinance practiced instead of birth control, not considering that growing teenagers will want to have sex.

Some conservatives, yes, but that's a small minority of the far-Christian right. Do you not think it's someone ironic that liberals want gov't/religious groups out of their bedroom but feel that free birth control is a right?

Men who have problems dealing with strong women without losing their manhood have no idea what real manhood is. All of this "No more Mr. Nice Guy" and "Married man sex primer" stuff is to get men to deal with feminism?

No, it's having men be men and not cater to what feminism has tried to teach us. We are equal as sexes, but we ARE different.

Why can't men accept women as being strong and independent of them without turning bitter and wimpy?
I don't think men are bitter or wimpy because they're starting to refuse to accept the double standard that many women today have come to accept as their 'right' DUE to feminism or feministic-like policies.

Much like EEOC guidelines or political correct speech. Neither are warranted or needed nowadays and primarily hurt society versus help it.
 

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I don't think men are bitter or wimpy because they're starting to refuse to accept the double standard that many women today have come to accept as their 'right' DUE to feminism or feministic-like policies.

Much like EEOC guidelines or political correct speech. Neither are warranted or needed nowadays and primarily hurt society versus help it.
This statement makes no sense, there are still plenty of double standards which men take as their right as well, one of which is the right to expect to marry a virtuous women with few partners while expecting to "sow their oats" with as many women before marriage as possible. Men don't want a woman with a high desire for sex, they only say that they do. Because their insecurity will go into high gear and they fear that they will be cheated on or be compared to other men. But, they want the woman who had sex a few times in their life to all of a sudden turn on their desire because they are married.

This is my situation: My husband married me because I was a virgin and he had many partners. We get married. He expects my sex drive to kick into high gear because it is my first time, not knowing that the reason why I didn't have sex previously is because I didn't have much interest in it. So now he complains of lack of sex.:scratchhead:

Seems some men don't know what they want in a woman either...
 

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I think marriage is a two way street and both have to feel validated. She's offering one narrow, quite selfish view of a man who doesn't think too highly of his child but obviously thinks very highly of himself.

I've seen the Pew research before. It's misleading. Consider this (from Pew research on marriage):

Marriage rates are now more strongly linked to education than they have been in the past, with college graduates (64%) much more likely to be married than those who have never attended college (48%).

When you consider that women are out pacing men with regards to receiving their college degree, perhaps the trend towards women being more educated than men leads to the differentiation in Pew's statistics based upon male/female desire to get married.

And contrary to this idea that men have no reason to get married...ah, turns out both sexes are still romantics:
Far more married adults say that love (93%), making a lifelong commitment (87%) and companionship (81%) are very important reasons to get married than say the same about having children (59%) or financial stability (31%).

Then consider that more women work now than ever before in history creating two income homes. The man shouting above...wonder if he'd think differently if his wife also worked full time and if he'd then step up to the plate to deal with his ******* baby. Something inside me doubts it.

Renee Wade found a niche and is going to make money off of it and play to women's insecurities and men's ego's. Wonderful! But not exactly admirable.
 

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Then consider that more women work now than ever before in history creating two income homes. The man shouting above...wonder if he'd think differently if his wife also worked full time and if he'd then step up to the plate to deal with his ******* baby. Something inside me doubts it.

Renee Wade found a niche and is going to make money off of it and play to women's insecurities and men's ego's. Wonderful! But not exactly admirable.
Men like the one noted above see housework as "women's work" and tend to disrespect the stay at home mom. Which may lead her to not want to be intimate with him, who would want to be with a man with that attitude anyway?
 

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Men like the one noted above see housework as "women's work" and tend to disrespect the stay at home mom. Which may lead her to not want to be intimate with him, who would want to be with a man with that attitude anyway?
Yeah, really bad quote to use as a way to engage women to want to be better spouses if you ask me but maybe young, vulnerable women will think this is what they deserve. Oh holy balls I hope not.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
This statement makes no sense, there are still plenty of double standards which men take as their right as well, one of which is the right to expect to marry a virtuous women with few partners while expecting to "sow their oats" with as many women before marriage as possible. Men don't want a woman with a high desire for sex, they only say that they do. Because their insecurity will go into high gear and they fear that they will be cheated on or be compared to other men. But, they want the woman who had sex a few times in their life to all of a sudden turn on their desire because they are married.

This is my situation: My husband married me because I was a virgin and he had many partners. We get married. He expects my sex drive to kick into high gear because it is my first time, not knowing that the reason why I didn't have sex previously is because I didn't have much interest in it. So now he complains of lack of sex.:scratchhead:

Seems some men don't know what they want in a woman either...
Umm, while I can't speak for all men, I think your first comment is completely unrealistic about men believing (or wanting) a woman who has had few if any sexual partners. Maybe back when Jane Cleaver was around, but this isn't Leave it to Beaver days.

That said, women are the gatekeepers of sexual virtue. NO man wants a woman who has slept around with so many partners that she's likely to do the same with him once married. It's FAR more difficult for a man to get sex if a woman has certain standards. But women have been told to behave just like men and therefore their 'virtue' is readily available.

And yes, there is a double standard when it comes to sex but I can guarantee you that no man wants a LD wife. Many women are very amorous before marriage, but after they get married and kids come along....meh. But he IS still good for the 'ole ATM machine.

As far as your LD issue -- I would suggest getting checked out by a physician. Sex obviously is an important aspect of marriage and simply because you're not that interested in it, doesn't mean he's got to put up with it. How would you react if he just wasn't "that interested in making enough money to support his family"? Would you put up with it?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Men like the one noted above see housework as "women's work" and tend to disrespect the stay at home mom. Which may lead her to not want to be intimate with him, who would want to be with a man with that attitude anyway?
If you're referring to me, I can assure you that I did all the cooking/grocery shopping/meal planning, most of the cleaning, all the finances, all the 'manly' fix-it stuff, etc.

And yes, it WAS an issue but not because it was "woman's work". I resented it because there wasn't a semblance of equality in the division of our labor.
 

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Umm, while I can't speak for all men, I think your first comment is completely unrealistic about men believing (or wanting) a woman who has had few if any sexual partners. Maybe back when Jane Cleaver was around, but this isn't Leave it to Beaver days.

That said, women are the gatekeepers of sexual virtue. NO man wants a woman who has slept around with so many partners that she's likely to do the same with him once married. It's FAR more difficult for a man to get sex if a woman has certain standards. But women have been told to behave just like men and therefore their 'virtue' is readily available.

And yes, there is a double standard when it comes to sex but I can guarantee you that no man wants a LD wife. Many women are very amorous before marriage, but after they get married and kids come along....meh. But he IS still good for the 'ole ATM machine.

As far as your LD issue -- I would suggest getting checked out by a physician. Sex obviously is an important aspect of marriage and simply because you're not that interested in it, doesn't mean he's got to put up with it. How would you react if he just wasn't "that interested in making enough money to support his family"? Would you put up with it?
Did you take in anything I said in my post? There are plenty of posts made by men who would prefer a women with few partners than a women who had more sexual experience than them. What difference would it make if a woman had a few partners? This is what I'm still trying to figure out. By the same token, a woman should look for a man with few partners as well, no? That is where the double standard lies, a man gets praised for having sex while females get discouraged, called ****s and tramps.

As far as my LD, I was like this all of my life and my husband knew I was like this. It has nothing to do with no "bait and switch". I make just as much money as he does, btw.
 
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Wow....I neglected to post quotation marks and you respond the way you did? I simply posted the article and link because in other forums I'm on, folks appreciate the story included as well.

Sorry if this was offensive but perhaps it speaks volumes as to the defensiveness that some women have about why men are choosing not to marry when in fact they should look inward as to how they act as being the reason why men aren't keen to marry nowadays.
Not, it's not defensiveness to point out that a poster has copied someone else's writing and not given proper credit. When I read your post I had not idea that you copied someone else's blog. Most forums I participate on will ban a person who does this. So it's fair warning.

Add something to your OP that says what we are reading.

Also, are you the author of the site you have a lnk to?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Also, here's a video that I think should be required viewing by all women: Even women are standing up to the hypocrisy of feminism - YouTube
I know several women that would try and explain away all her points...and fail miserably.

But those same women would say "Yeah, but us women have to spend all this time and money making ourselves look good for you men and therefore the man SHOULD always pick up the tab when we go out".

But what they fail to mention is that the REASON why they spend all that time and money on THEIR looks is because it makes them more desirable and competitive in the mating game. Not because it's a selfless thing that they do for someone ELSE!

And a lot of time, they spend all that money on clothes/makeup not because it'll impress their boyfriend or husband, but because their girlfriends judge them on how she looks as well.
 
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