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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Last night was poker night at my house -- two of my husband's long-time friends and two newer friends from his work. Not my favorite way to spend an evening, but I had made snacks, asked when they wanted beers, tried to dress cute for him, etc.

About two hours into it, I was picking up plates and putting down new snacks and they were laughing and having fun and I noticed my husband was almost out of chips. I remarked, "Someone's not playing his cards very well." And our old time friends laughed but one of his new work friends reacted odd. My husband's reaction was mixed -- initial laughter but then subdued as if trying to read how others reacted. I heard muffled discussion as I headed back into the kitchen but just shrugged it off as a comment that fell a bit flat.

About a minute later, my husband strides into the kitchen -- which is out of view from where they were playing but not out of earshot - grabs me by the wrist, leans in and says in a low but threatening tone, "New rule. Speak when spoken to." I guess I smiled and started to laugh in disbelief, and next thing I knew he had turned me sideways with a twist of my wrist and spanked me -- HARD. He said, "Remember your place" and left to go back to the game.

I got the silent treatment the rest of the night and every time I started to open my mouth, he just glared at me and raised an eyebrow.

(to be continued -- can't finish now, sorry)
 

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Does he normally react to situations like that? That is just awful, I would have freaked out and possibly called the cops if a man threatened me in that manner.

It was totally uncalled for, incredibly disrespectful towards you and IMO abusive.
 

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Tell him " I know my place well DH!" and it ain't the doormat. Then tell him I hope you sleep well tonight!!!!

Jeez guys like that take the fun out of a good spanking!!!
 

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Last night was poker night at my house -- two of my husband's long-time friends and two newer friends from his work. Not my favorite way to spend an evening, but I had made snacks, asked when they wanted beers, tried to dress cute for him, etc.

About two hours into it, I was picking up plates and putting down new snacks and they were laughing and having fun and I noticed my husband was almost out of chips. I remarked, "Someone's not playing his cards very well." And our old time friends laughed but one of his new work friends reacted odd. My husband's reaction was mixed -- initial laughter but then subdued as if trying to read how others reacted. I heard muffled discussion as I headed back into the kitchen but just shrugged it off as a comment that fell a bit flat.

About a minute later, my husband strides into the kitchen -- which is out of view from where they were playing but not out of earshot - grabs me by the wrist, leans in and says in a low but threatening tone, "New rule. Speak when spoken to." I guess I smiled and started to laugh in disbelief, and next thing I knew he had turned me sideways with a twist of my wrist and spanked me -- HARD. He said, "Remember your place" and left to go back to the game.

I got the silent treatment the rest of the night and every time I started to open my mouth, he just glared at me and raised an eyebrow.

(to be continued -- can't finish now, sorry)
Well if you're not a troll... Tell him to go f himself because that's all he'll be getting from now on.
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
So there was more I was going to add, but I think I'll just stop there. Not sure if I was giving too much detail. Sorry if I was, new to this.

And yes, concerned new friend is a bad influence and that he seems to want to spend more time with this friend. Our relationship has always been great, and equal. His parents marriage is 100% old-fashioned roles of man versus woman.

Open to any help in sorting through thoughts, because mine are confusing/mixed at the moment. Will share more if needed but not in here I guess.

Married 3 yrs in Iowa.
 

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That doesn't sound like normal behavior on his part in anything that I would consider a healthy relationship or anyONE I would consider a healthy person. New friend from out of town or not, a grown man who could be swayed so easily by wanting to be liked, like some schoolyard popularity contest, such that he would manhandle his wife like that in response to the influence of someone else is a real ***** in my book, and it would seriously damage the way I thought of him from then on out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
He's not a monster or a troll or anything like that. I've known him since we were kids. I think I described this poorly. And my real question is/was a different thing entirely.

But thank you all for trying to reach out
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...he probably already felt bad about not playing well....and viewed your comment as putting him down publicly. Just let things calm, and then ask him.....plus, what was your goal of pointing his poor playing out, in front of his friends? He and they already knew he was losing. Put yourself in his shoes...guys take cards, etc (any type of competition with other guys) pretty seriously. Plus, they may have already been giving him a hard time about his lack of success.
 

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He's not a monster or a troll or anything like that. I've known him since we were kids. I think I described this poorly. And my real question is/was a different thing entirely.

But thank you all for trying to reach out
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Go ahead and tell the second half of the story. I think the "troll" commenters have already finished your story in their imaginations and it is something they read in "Penthouse."

Either way, you're H is a weirdo. Get him therapy or get rid of him.
 

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...he probably already felt bad about not playing well....and viewed your comment as putting him down publicly. Just let things calm, and then ask him.....plus, what was your goal of pointing his poor playing out, in front of his friends? He and they already knew he was losing. Put yourself in his shoes...guys take cards, etc (any type of competition with other guys) pretty seriously. Plus, they may have already been giving him a hard time about his lack of success.
None of that justifies the way he responded to her comment. It was wrong on so many levels. If my stbxh ever grabbed me like that and then demeaned me by spanking me and talking to me like an abusive father would talk to a child. Let's just say I hope the cops get there before any male family members of mine.
 

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He's not a monster or a troll or anything like that. I've known him since we were kids. I think I described this poorly. And my real question is/was a different thing entirely.

But thank you all for trying to reach out
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By troll, I meant you being an Internet Troll, meaning your story sounded so fictional as to have the possibility of being designed to incite angry reactions instead of sincere advice-seeking. If your story is real, well, you're in quite the predicament.
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...he probably already felt bad about not playing well....and viewed your comment as putting him down publicly. Just let things calm, and then ask him.....plus, what was your goal of pointing his poor playing out, in front of his friends? He and they already knew he was losing. Put yourself in his shoes...guys take cards, etc (any type of competition with other guys) pretty seriously. Plus, they may have already been giving him a hard time about his lack of success.
Why are you only focusing on her comment?

Do you think he was justified in putting his hands on her like that. ?

Who cares how competitive he is?

If his guy friends are giving him a hard time about his lack of success why didn't he put his hands on one of them?

I know why.

Hailey, you are married to a weak minded bully who allows pier pressure to dictate how he treats his wife.

Get rid of him and get a real man.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Omg, no, I was not just trying to make people angry. And like this thing all played out in maybe three seconds and even the hard spanking didn't more than sting. The fact that he got goaded into playing macho bothers me, he might have already been getting a hard time from them for losing but idk that just seems like what guys do with each other. I was most bothered by the fact they probably could hear and then the silent treatment thing. I was extremely self-conscious the rest of the night. And I'm usually not that way at all.
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Why are you only focusing on her comment?

Do you think he was justified in putting his hands on her like that. ?

Who cares how competitive he is?

If his guy friends are giving him a hard time about his lack of success why didn't he put his hands on one of them?

I know why.

Hailey, you are married to a weak minded bully who allows pier pressure to dictate how he treats his wife.

Get rid of him and get a real man.
...follow any of my posts, and you might rethink how you are responding to my comments.

From her posts...this was not characteristic, so calling him "a weak minded bully" seems to be you taking a small slice of time and pasting it over his entire life and personality.

....for situational (one time) behavior, it is effective to evaluate the situation thoroughly before coming up with massive judgements. And yes, I do think the "get rid of him and get a real man" is quite over the top for this. And please, before doing another post flaming me, the OP might be best served by a careful review of her posts and what she seems to be hunting for, as far as useful insight and information. And at no point did I say his reaction was appropriate (yes...you need to reread my post)....I was trying to dig into what prompted his reaction.
 

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Omg, no, I was not just trying to make people angry. And like this thing all played out in maybe three seconds and even the hard spanking didn't more than sting. The fact that he got goaded into playing macho bothers me, he might have already been getting a hard time from them for losing but idk that just seems like what guys do with each other. I was most bothered by the fact they probably could hear and then the silent treatment thing. I was extremely self-conscious the rest of the night. And I'm usually not that way at all.
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...your feelings are quite justified......and I would imagine that if he could, your husband would go back and change how he reacted to the whole situation.....I suspect he let frustration/embarrassment keep him from giving any proper thought to his actions. Talk to him and make it clear that what he did was waaaay past your personal boundaries for his behavior. Take care.
 

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Omg, no, I was not just trying to make people angry. And like this thing all played out in maybe three seconds and even the hard spanking didn't more than sting. The fact that he got goaded into playing macho bothers me, he might have already been getting a hard time from them for losing but idk that just seems like what guys do with each other. I was most bothered by the fact they probably could hear and then the silent treatment thing. I was extremely self-conscious the rest of the night. And I'm usually not that way at all.
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Spouses hitting eachother should make people angry.
What bothers me is that he took his losing at a game out on you. And played 'macho' for the benefit of this new friend. And yes, anyone who has to wait to see the reaction of his male friends to decide how to react to his wife is weak. Make absolutely certain hailey that he understands that you did NOTHING to deserve that kind treatment from him. Especially the violence. It doesn't matter that lasted 3 seconds and only stung. It's the thought that counts.
Careful that this is not establishing a precendent of some kind. Put your foot down now. If he doesn't apologize, red flag.
Personally, if my Significant other ever put their hands on me and mistreated me for the benefit of their ego or any one else.
The relationship would be done. But I'm a bit of an extremist with this kind of thing.
 
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