Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I will make this as short as possible. Wife is a physical therapist who I believe gets periodically obsessed with a patient. Wife is 44 patient is 68. He goes in once a month for his neck. I read emails my wife sent to friends saying how attracted she was to him about 6 months ago. I confronted and she said it was only a fantasy and nothing inappropriate was going on and it was just something she was going through. I went undercover and was satisfied that there was no significant outside communication or texts. He just became a grandpa and has sent her pics of the baby in recent weeks but nothing inappropriate has been said between them. I truly believe that this guy is not up to no good and may not even realize the obsession she has.

This past week I checked browser history and found that she had searched his name, which she has done in the past. I confronted again and she dances around it saying it is something that will never go anywhere and that she commonly searches clients. Now this has been happening off and on for the past 6 months. I worked with the 180 and in a stroke of good luck even had an ex contact me out of the blue which I told my wife and it didn't phase her. In fact I think it may have given her fuel to shoot him off an email though again nothing inappropirate in the email as I checked it. She had given me consent to check months back. Our relationship is pretty solid with sex a few times a week and good communication except on this issue. She is seeing a girlfriend this weekend and I imagine she will discuss this guy and her attraction to him. As compared to what I see posted here, this is not that bad although clearly an annoyance to me. I can even rationalize in my mind that if she is going to be obsessed better it be with an old coot then some 25 year old guy at the gym. I have a young son so I am not about to go militant and threaten a divorce but some advice would be greatly appreciated.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
First off, that rationalization is no good. It's pretty clear that while YOU might find the 25 y.o. to be more of a threat, HER view is that the older guy is what's attractive to her.

If it's just something that's an occasional thing, I wouldn't make an issue of it but would keep an eye on it for any change in frequency or changing tones in their exchanges.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks Kathy. Because this happens periodically and my wife is in her 40's, can this be something that is hormonal in nature to some extent?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,388 Posts
Don't rationalize. This is not hormonal.

What you have to ask yourself is do you feel safe in your marriage?

Do you feel your wife will not eventually have an affair with someone?

Do you feel your wife's heart, mind and thoughts are with her marriage and her family?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,361 Posts
Thanks Kathy. Because this happens periodically and my wife is in her 40's, can this be something that is hormonal in nature to some extent?
There is another thread on here about looking up exes. You'll find it's not an uncommon thing. I do it from time to time just out of simple curiosity/human interest. I am over the top devoted to my husband and cannot even imagine being interested in another person ever again. That's a little different, maybe, because I am NOT interested in them at all, where your wife seems to have a small interest. That's why I said I'd continue to monitor and just keep my eyes open, but I wouldn't assume the worst without seeing a lot more than you've seen.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,565 Posts
INow this has been happening off and on for the past 6 months. I worked with the 180 and in a stroke of good luck even had an ex contact me out of the blue which I told my wife and it didn't phase her. In fact I think it may have given her fuel to shoot him off an email though again nothing inappropirate in the email as I checked it.
"Good" luck?

In your case, the 180 is a huge mistake IMO. You should be looking to meet her emotional needs, not withdrawing, flirting with ex's, and acting like you want out of the marriage.

Why Women Leave Men
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154 Posts
In no way, shape or form would I be ok with this. You are taking this much too lightly in my opinion. She can say its nothing all she wants but not only is she very attracted to this guy she is acting on it. She is making excuses to contact him outside of work. Even if her communication seems innocent she is trying to establish a more personal relationship. If she succeeds I doubt it will remain innocent for long unless he is not interested.

Discussing her attraction with friends, doing internet searches is further evidence of the extent and potential danger of this "crush."This seems to go beyond simple curiousity. I think your use of the word obsessed is on the mark. Why would you tolerate this?

She does this periodically? Even if this man has no ill intention or even inkling of her attraction her behavior is not acceptable. There is something wrong. She is seeking outside attention to fill some need. You need to figure why she does this, what is goign on with her and what may be missing from your marriage. Even if this man is not interested maybe the next guy will be.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top