Oblivous or Just plain Stupid

4779 Views 36 Replies 19 Participants Last post by FemBot, Jun 18, 2013

helpwanted

Discussion Starter · Nov 4, 2012

So some of you may know the situation that I am in and the fact that I finally came out and told him i was unhappy with the lack of intimacy. He told me the problems and I have really been working hard to be absolutely positive about almost everything.

So last night we went out to the movies and I wanted to see how long it would take him to touch me. Hold my hand or anything. I sat there very stiff for a good hour with not one physical contact. My thoughts were so loud I could barely pay attention to the movie.

About a good hour in a half in he asked me why I didn't want to touch him. I played dumb and just moved my leg over to touch his skin. By this time I had looked around at couples laying there heads on each other, holding hands, Caressing the backs of their necks ect. It made be very upset inside at the lack of physical touch and the lack of desire that we once had so much of.

So i took the chance and moved my hand to his package and started to softly caress it. I felt it start to get bigger and new there was nothing wrong in that department. I honestly thought he was going to move my hand but nope. He let me to it until my hand and arm got tired then I just stopped.

I was convinced he would say something to me when we got home about why I did that there or anything about it and NOTHING. He didn't say anything. I figured we would get home and maybe I would get lucky. Boy was I wrong.

I got home. Made sure he knew I was horny, put on his favorite sleeping number and hopped into bed. He went to the bathroom and I was squealing inside like a little school girl. I was so convinced he was getting ready for me to devour him. I made sure when he came in my nipples were rock hard, cleavage was out and a hint of my butt cheeks in the undies were peeking through. He came in looked at me I could tell he was taken back by what he saw. I played as if I wasn't expecting anything and faking putting my hair up.

He came in turned the light off and asked me if I minded if he watched tv for a bit. WHAT THE EFFFF!!!

How stupid can one person be. It's going to get to the point when he is ready to give in and give it up. I will the one who is rejecting.

I finally yesterday ordered a vibe which I have used in the past when I was single but got rid of because I never needed it he would please me beyond anything else. Now that he has forced me to go back to it making me feel like a complete nympho
I think it's going to hurt him more than anything.

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YinPrincess

· #2 · Nov 4, 2012

Sorry, I know how you feel... Especially to be so forward and still have nothing happen.

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helpwanted

Discussion Starter · #3 · Nov 4, 2012

YinPrincess said:
Sorry, I know how you feel... Especially to be so forward and still have nothing happen.
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Thank you. It's so damn depressing.

KendalMintcake

· #4 · Nov 4, 2012

Hi, I am in the same boat as you. My wife ignores me despite my doing anything and everything that most wives talk about, ie helping immensely at home taking care of kids all the time, laundry, making my own dinner you name it. Every other night I hold her hug her tell her I life her, give compliments and so on and so on. When I hug her in bed she just lays there or turns over. I just wish for even a touch from her hand on mine. In order for someone to that unresponsive I think it takes effort - ie, effort to do nothing at all, and so. I feel it is intentional cruelty rather than passivity.

Hearing the other side is mind-boggling OMG would I so appreciate this treatment at a movie - it seems unreal to me - ad forgive me for saying this but any man who ignore what you explain here is nuts. He needs to hear what he is wasting - treatment that others like myself would pay a jillion dollars. I admire you and simultaneously feel your pain. It is he'll and pure cruelty!
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helpwanted

Discussion Starter · #5 · Nov 4, 2012

KendalMintcake said:
Hi, I am in the same boat as you. My wife ignores me despite my doing anything and everything that most wives talk about, ie helping immensely at home taking care of kids all the time, laundry, making my own dinner you name it. Every other night I hold her hug her tell her I life her, give compliments and so on and so on. When I hug her in bed she just lays there or turns over. I just wish for even a touch from her hand on mine. In order for someone to that unresponsive I think it takes effort - ie, effort to do nothing at all, and so. I feel it is intentional cruelty rather than passivity.

Hearing the other side is mind-boggling OMG would I so appreciate this treatment at a movie - it seems unreal to me - ad forgive me for saying this but any man who ignore what you explain here is nuts. He needs to hear what he is wasting - treatment that others like myself would pay a jillion dollars. I admire you and simultaneously feel your pain. It is he'll and pure cruelty!
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Wow, your wife sounds like a lucky lady who needs a swift kick to the head. She obviously takes you and what you do for her for granted. I honestly think it's cruel beyond belief to be so unemotional and un responsive.

Sometimes people just need a little touching to make them feel the passion between the two parties however I am probably the last one to be talking about this since my SO is punishing me.

Its funny you say that he needs a reality check because last night one of his friends made a comments at the dinner table about how I looked beautiful and how my SO is a lucky man.

I could see how this affected my husband because after dinner as we walked to the cinema he was so intent on where I was and making sure I walked closely to him. I could tell he was insecure about the comment but HOT damn. If others can see how much I am trying to get attention from my man then my SO must be BLIND. Made me feel good though!

I hope your situation gets better and I totally feel your pain

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Homemaker_Numero_Uno

· #6 · Nov 4, 2012

helpwanted said:
So some of you may know the situation that I am in and the fact that I finally came out and told him i was unhappy with the lack of intimacy. He told me the problems and I have really been working hard to be absolutely positive about almost everything.

So last night we went out to the movies and I wanted to see how long it would take him to touch me. Hold my hand or anything. I sat there very stiff for a good hour with not one physical contact. My thoughts were so loud I could barely pay attention to the movie.

About a good hour in a half in he asked me why I didn't want to touch him. I played dumb and just moved my leg over to touch his skin. By this time I had looked around at couples laying there heads on each other, holding hands, Caressing the backs of their necks ect. It made be very upset inside at the lack of physical touch and the lack of desire that we once had so much of.

So i took the chance and moved my hand to his package and started to softly caress it. I felt it start to get bigger and new there was nothing wrong in that department. I honestly thought he was going to move my hand but nope. He let me to it until my hand and arm got tired then I just stopped.

I was convinced he would say something to me when we got home about why I did that there or anything about it and NOTHING. He didn't say anything. I figured we would get home and maybe I would get lucky. Boy was I wrong.

I got home. Made sure he knew I was horny, put on his favorite sleeping number and hopped into bed. He went to the bathroom and I was squealing inside like a little school girl. I was so convinced he was getting ready for me to devour him. I made sure when he came in my nipples were rock hard, cleavage was out and a hint of my butt cheeks in the undies were peeking through. He came in looked at me I could tell he was taken back by what he saw. I played as if I wasn't expecting anything and faking putting my hair up.

He came in turned the light off and asked me if I minded if he watched tv for a bit. WHAT THE EFFFF!!!

How stupid can one person be. It's going to get to the point when he is ready to give in and give it up. I will the one who is rejecting.

I finally yesterday ordered a vibe which I have used in the past when I was single but got rid of because I never needed it he would please me beyond anything else. Now that he has forced me to go back to it making me feel like a complete nympho
I think it's going to hurt him more than anything.

I just ended a relationship where the last night began like that. Had been invited over and it came to night and he asked if I minded if he was going to watch some Star Trek...this was after lack of togetherness and him falling asleep watching a movie he had chosen...I took sedatives and fell asleep too! Might as well do what he's doing....lol.

I ended the relationship. I didn't want to feel pathetic and cheap falling all over myself in order to get physical affection. Sedatives were very useful to me. They kept me from having the energy to grovel, but not so much that I wasn't able to drive at 2 a.m.

Haven't seen or heard from him since, it's been a week. If I can make it this far, I can make it another week, after that I'll have started dating others and got firmly entrenched back into my life and won't be in danger of re-groveling or believing him when he says he misses me and will change.

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helpwanted

Discussion Starter · #7 · Nov 4, 2012

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:
I just ended a relationship where the last night began like that. Had been invited over and it came to night and he asked if I minded if he was going to watch some Star Trek...this was after lack of togetherness and him falling asleep watching a movie he had chosen...I took sedatives and fell asleep too! Might as well do what he's doing....lol.

I ended the relationship. I didn't want to feel pathetic and cheap falling all over myself in order to get physical affection. Sedatives were very useful to me. They kept me from having the energy to grovel, but not so much that I wasn't able to drive at 2 a.m.

Haven't seen or heard from him since, it's been a week. If I can make it this far, I can make it another week, after that I'll have started dating others and got firmly entrenched back into my life and won't be in danger of re-groveling or believing him when he says he misses me and will change.

Wow I might have to invest in some sleep aid before I go insane.

I admire you for just up and leaving the relationship. How long were you together?

I wish I could just run away but I have never been a quitter. I always try and fix things and know I had given it 200% before I throw my hands up and walk away. I did it with my ex though so I know I have the strength. My guy is a good one but he is lacking in so many areas for me.

Good luck in your new journey!

Charmed37

· #8 · Nov 5, 2012

I feel your pain! I've been living like this for the biggest part of 20 years! It's not gotten any better either. I just don't know what to think anymore. It's a sad, lonely place to be in that's for sure. After reading on TAM, I'm starting to try the 180. if that doesn't work I won't have many options left.. only 2 to be exact. Either I stay and live what good years I have left feeling less than a woman or leave.

needguidance

· #9 · Nov 5, 2012 (Edited)

Im always amazed when I hear women's side of a sexless marriage. For the longest time I thought men were the only ones with these problems or that the men described on TAM don't exist, boy was I wrong! Its very depressing especially when you say the same thing repeatedly and your SO still can't seem to get it. I give my W an A for effort and I can't wait for MC, hopefully this week. She understands and she wants to get to the bottom of it as much as I do I think. When I hear women's side of these topics though I always wonder why can't it often enough that you meet and marry someone who has the same feelings? Its rare but I know it happens because not everyone is in a sexless marriage or they met someone that have an equal understanding on sexual frequency.

hopelesslove

· #10 · Nov 5, 2012

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hopelesslove

· #11 · Nov 5, 2012

needguidance said:
Im always amazed when I hear women's side of a sexless marriage. For the longest time I thought men were the only ones with these problems or that the men described on TAM don't exist, boy was I wrong! Its very depressing especially when you say the same thing repeatedly and your SO still can't seem to get it. I give my W an A for effort and I can't wait for MC, hopefully this week. She understands and she wants to get to the bottom of it as much as I do I think. When I hear women's side of these topics though I always wonder why can't it often enough that you meet and marry someone who has the same feelings? Its rare but I know it happens because not everyone is in a sexless marriage or they met someone that have an equal understanding on sexual frequency.

I feel for you I really do. How is it that there are so many women in these situations? I always thought it was the man going without. With my husband is thought sex would never be am issue, we were all the time at it and it was always satisfying. Then boom... Nothing. He's not interested anymore. Good luck getting the chance to turn him down. 5 years later I'm trying to fix a sexless marriage. Have you sat him down and talked to him? Asked him why things have changed? I guess that was my first step and what we are still working on.
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sinnister

· #12 · Nov 5, 2012

I agree with the rest here. I get wrapped up in my own personal pitty party and forget that there are just as many women affected by this marriage betrayal as men.

I apologize for that. I hope your husband wakes the F up and..well...f's you.

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unbelievable

· #13 · Nov 5, 2012

Helpwanted, I'm really very sorry you're dealing with this. I dunno. Maybe he's actually a zombie or something. Even if he were really tired or really pissed about something, rubbing his package, wearing your favorite nighty, showing cleavage, nipples, butt, etc.....He'd have to be dead, gay, or in a coma to not respond. He turns on the TV? I know how bad this rejection crap feels for a guy. Can't even imagine what it must be like for a woman. For what it's worth, a whole lot of guys here would go hog wild if their wives showed even a tenth as much motivation as you gave your's. I would have jumped on that like a bullfrog on a grasshopper and I suspect most guys would. Not sure if the problem is between his ears or legs but he's obviously got one.

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KendalMintcake

· #14 · Nov 5, 2012

unbelievable said:
Helpwanted, I'm really very sorry you're dealing with this. I dunno. Maybe he's actually a zombie or something. Even if he were really tired or really pissed about something, rubbing his package, wearing your favorite nighty, showing cleavage, nipples, butt, etc.....He'd have to be dead, gay, or in a coma to not respond. He turns on the TV? I know how bad this rejection crap feels for a guy. Can't even imagine what it must be like for a woman. For what it's worth, a whole lot of guys here would go hog wild if their wives showed even a tenth as much motivation as you gave your's. I would have jumped on that like a bullfrog on a grasshopper and I suspect most guys would. Not sure if the problem is between his ears or legs but he's obviously got one.

Yes I would second that. I get it about 5 or six times a year. This year I got a special birthday treat after an unsuccessful request the previous year. Basically I got initiation with lingerie - the real punk kind of lingerie that drives me wild. I am so thankful for that night I could almost go a few month with a grin on my face. And I had to request it, but no complaints! Just trying to show that this guy got it completely unsolicited. I would almost go as far to say maybe he is gay - no seriously - the other explanation I can think of that is not already mentioned here is that something was being hidden especially due to the nature of the scene - that is grabbing the boxers as if to hide something...think about it...
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barcafan

· #15 · Nov 5, 2012

Wow, your husbands sound like bunch of tools. They do not deserve the honor of having a penis.

Vagina vs. Star Trek?

Vagina wins every time.

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YinPrincess

· #16 · Nov 5, 2012

Not to sound crude, but do you think he "relieved" himself while in the bathroom? I just can't fathom the theater thing happening and him not doing anything about it... (This kind of a situation has happened between hubby and I before... When he was ready to be honest, it basically came down to passive-aggressiveness).

He knew I wanted it, but would "punish" me for some crime I didn't know about...

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RandomDude

· #17 · Nov 5, 2012

=/
Change your approach
Read my thread, here:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/57375-how-seduce-your-ld-husband.html
My wife is a nympho, and we're having similar issues.

Still... I don't see anything inheritedly wrong with what you've been doing so far. But I don't know the full story, read my thread and see if it helps

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helpwanted

Discussion Starter · #18 · Nov 5, 2012

YinPrincess said:
Not to sound crude, but do you think he "relieved" himself while in the bathroom? I just can't fathom the theater thing happening and him not doing anything about it... (This kind of a situation has happened between hubby and I before... When he was ready to be honest, it basically came down to passive-aggressiveness).

He knew I wanted it, but would "punish" me for some crime I didn't know about...
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No, I don't think he was in there long enough. I heard him pee wash hands and he was back. I am just dumb founded. I am wondering if he even finds me attractive anymore or even if he's in love with me.

unbelievable

· #19 · Nov 5, 2012

Even if I had "relieved myself" and stepped out to find the scene the OP described, it'd be "Boy, Howdy!!" Maybe it would have taken a few extra minutes, but that didn't sound like a set-up anyone would want to rush through, anyway.

Reactions: 1

CandieGirl

· #20 · Nov 5, 2012

How old are you two? How long have you been together?

Why did you let him go to the TV - could you not have insisted a little more? I know how hard it is to always be the initiator, believe me, but if I didn't, I'd get nothing!

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