[ItsGonnabeAlright]

Every state has different rules, grounds, etc when it comes to divorce. I live in NY. I am wondering if there is anyone here going through divorce in my state?
I've done my fair share of research and have also attended a divorce seminar which provided advice from a lawyer, judge, mediator, psychologist etc.
I would like to know how long it is taking you to get divorced?
Any advice, tips, etc. I have yet to file but would like to know what happens once you do. How fast/slow the court system moves things along, etc.

 

[CH]

Think NY just recently became a no-fault state also. As to how long it takes. Depends on you and your wife. It can be fast or it can take forever and bankrupt the both of you if you squabble over every little thing.

If it's going to be a WW3 divorce with nukes going off everywhere, go and talk to a lawyer.

 

[ankh]

I have no divorce experience (and hope that i never do directly), but from all my divorced friends, I know that there are winners and losers in the divorce process. Who wins: those walking away financially enriched. Who loses: those whose bank accounts are strained and whose emotions and spirits are bankrupted. Who are the players in this? Spouse 1, Spouse 2 (I say this because the split could be between any combination of 2 adults, of either gender, or between a child and 1 or more adults) and ... tada .... the LAWYERS. Is there any confusion about who runs to the bank to cash big checks, versus who dreads talking to the bank about gutted bank accounts?

I realize that sometimes, or even often, relationships disintegrate, often due to infidelity on the part of one partner. I think that communication breaks down and things go south from there. Nearly every one of my formerly married friends have told me that their divorces occurred because they realized, woefully too late, after the smoke has cleared , that the tragic end came about due to Selfishness, on the part of one party (and often, the other party is truly a victim of the other's selfishness; and some of my friends concede they were either the selfish one, or the give-til-it-hurts one slammed by the other's self centeredness).

I am saddened that it sounds like your spouse may be so selfish as to blindly discard what was once a romantic relationship with You! I wish you well in your battle. I suggest you stay away , far away from Facebook/Myspace/pick-whatever-social-networking-outlet-you-like to use for venting, as the attorney's will SCOUR all those networks for EVIDENCE.

 

[ItsGonnabeAlright]

Thank you. I am aware of some of the things mentioned such as not emailing, texting, posting things online, etc. I also believe that sometimes we know a person, that is, until you decide to divorce them, and he may come up with all sorts of underhanded things. I have a feeling he has already started slowly sneaking money out and putting it somewhere.

 

[ankh]

Hang in there and you well live through this.

 

[Robrobb]

I am and we're going the no-fault route - prepared a separation agreement through a mediator then moved to an attorney to draft and file the legal document. This way works fine if both parties can agree with things and move them along. In my case it's taken all year and we haven't filed the divorce papers yet - yet another step. In my case, though, my wife would have preferred to have us stay married but just have me leave her alone and take care of the house and kids. As a result, every time the ball's in her court it can stay there for weeks before she's willing to act on it. I think you might think carefully - just because no fault is available doesn't necessarily mean you really want it. I think if I'd jumped right in from the start by suing her for divorce citing abandonment or something, I'd have gotten through it faster and for less money, and it probably would have resulted in almost the same custody and property conditions.

 

[ItsGonnabeAlright]

Thanks, Robrobb. At the same time If I were to use a ground, it would be Adultery, which I've heard is very hard to prove. All I have are little things, such as a call log from his phone with an escort line's number on it, but its kind of old, as is a hotel receipt for that night. The more recent info I have is the phone call to a craigslist prostitute, and the 6k spent at the strip club on the same night, but I have no proof that he slept with anyone. For adultery, I would also need a witness other than myself. Its so hard to prove these things. I am going to try and consult with some lawyers out here, see what can be done. I don't want to waste money/time.
I am also considering removing 50% of the money from our accounts, before poop hits the fan, that's what many people, including the professionals at the seminar suggested.
People start to 'fight dirty' once they see divorce is coming.