Hi. My story was posted ten days or so ago (Now What?) I got alot of good advice and thought I'd update everyone. My husband and I went to MC yesterday. We both explained why we were back. The counselor asked my husband if he still wants to be married, loves me and is attracted to me. All yes. Then he asked me if I believed him. I truthfully said no because of all my husband's blame and resentment. The counselor at first said that my "husband is still into me", he (the counselor) sees that and my husband admitted that. Well, then the dam burst. My husband said not quite true, he is just not that interested in us anymore because of how I made him unhappy. Well the counselor was taken aback, I guess he never got that part of it. I just sat back and my husband kept talking. Fortunately, the marriage counselor interjected and said that he is not hearing my husband accept any responsbility for what happened. My husband said what he says to me, I'm making it up, I never complained, I'm being too vague, etc. Then the counselor said we are responsible for our own happiness, nope, not according to my husband. I caused his unhappiness, no one else. As for my own needs. I can't discuss them with my husband because he gets angry and defensive and I'm being hypocritical whnever I have something to say. I'm glad the counselor saw what is going on. Here's basically how it works. My husband doesn't want to discuss this because it makes him upset. He wants me to be there for him whenever he feels like it. ANy intimacy between us is left up to him and it is very infrequent. When he is ready, so should I. I cannot have any input because "this is the tone I set for all these years and now that is what I get". And so dear friends, I can't discuss this with my husband for fear of another huge fight in fron of our kids. I have to pour my heart out in an anonymous forum because many of you understand and listen. Next time we go back (2 weeks) I think it is reasonable to ask how long I must remain in limbo with this man. While I don't want to give up, I am not sure what to do. I am hurt, confused, resentful and angry. I wonder how he can be so harsh and judgemental about our marriage. And how he is so unforgiving of my mistakes and not owning up to his. And and for my needs. Forget it. Since I ruined it all anyway, I'm a hypocrite to discuss my needs. Just go along with his. How long I can continue like this is anybody's guess. Is he suffering a midlife crisis? No longer loves or is attracted to me? Someone else and wants to make sure I ruined everything to assauge his own guilt or all of the above? Thanks for listening friends. My heart is certainly hurting.