[Kanga]

WH had a short term PA while away on business, with ongoing EA after his return

I am now four and a half months post d-day, and now 2 months of NC with OW, (as far as I know!!)

I have posted the gist of the story here
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/55368-when-will-i-start-feel-better.html

And here
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/56191-triggers.html

Things have been going ok, I had thought the good days were starting to outnumber the bad. Today is a bad day..

Now he wants to go away for work again, he was talking about going for 3 consecutive nights next week.

He was saying he would use a tracker device on his iPhone and keep in close contact. I don't want him to go, but I'm used to being a very accommodating person, and I feel bad, like I'm imposing, holding him back etc.

I have been struggling. I'm not working very much, but I'm lucky I have a very understanding employer and I work in sales and people keep buying things with minimal effort only part. I have been going out of my way and skipping work to spend time with my WH. He is very busy with work and stressed about that, I feel very unimportant by comparison.

I just texted him

I feel like your life would be so much better without me, you could do whatever you want whenever you want, with whomever you want. I feel as important as something you would like to scrap off the bottom of your shoe.

He responded

That's not nice. Of course you are the most important. I'm sorry. How am I making you feel like that. My work is just work and only that. Nothing more about doing what I want. I love you always xxxxx


What to do, how do I/we get past this?? Help please!

 

[jfv]

Going away for work would be a deal breaker for me. If it is for you, let him know.

He has worked hard to earn your distrust. Make him work even harder for your trust.

He is asking for too much only 2 months out from NC.

Ask yourself if you are willing to go through another Dday.

By the way, him breaking NC should be considered another Dday.

It is too soon. IMO he probably will. Put your foot down. Woman up.

 

[Hope1964]

4 months out and he wants to go away overnight?!?! No freaking way.

Do you know what the 180 is? You need to do it. Now. Quit wasting your time with him - he isn't remorseful at all. Start working on yourself, make yourself independent so that you don't need HIM to make you feel important. If your marriage survives, then it survives. If it doesn't it doesn't. You need to not care either way.

You are far, far too dependent on him, and from some of the stuff you've described about him, I wouldn't doubt that he's still cheating on you right under your nose.

Woman up is right!!!!

 

[TCSRedhead]

You're saying he wants to go away for work. Is this a work sponsored conference or meeting or just something on the side?

I often have travel to our different offices that isn't optional, it's part of my job. Is this optional or would it impact his future to not travel?

 

[Doingmybest]

What about keeping skype or facetime going all night in the background at the hotel? That way you can see what he's doing anytime you feel the need.