Not Sure What to Think II

My husband lost my trust recently due to a similar situation to this. I was extremely upset with him, so upset that he stayed somewhere else for a few days til we smoothed things out. The thought of trusting him again was so far fetched. And although he said he meant no harm out of it, the thought of him lying to me and losing my trust did it in for me. Him lying to me and his actions severely damage our relationship. I wondered for days if i took him back, would our relationship ever be the same. So far it hasnt been, but i can tell it will get there eventually. There are days where I go squirrelly on him but he has given me reassurance and we get through it.

I chose to forgive him. But i wont lie, it hasnt been easy. I hated him for awhile. Its been something we both are working on, as we all do in relationships.

Speaking as a wife who was cheated on physically AND emotionally...I would have to tell you this....The fact that you looked elsewhere for companionship can be more hurtful then an incident of meaningless physical sex. And honestly...how do you think most affairs begin? Because of a "connection" two people feel with one another..whether it be a TRUE life connection or a case of "newness"...Was the idea of that worth losing your wife's trust? Of coarse a new woman would find you interesting and seem facinating...Because they don't have to deal with the heavy issues of mortages and bills and family issues with you. It's all light and frothy..nut it has no depth. Just remember, you once had those feelings of "newness" with your wife. It grew deeper until you wanted to marry her..then real life set in. I bet she still finds you interesting and would give anything to be the one that you choose to "catch a movie or a cup of coffee with"...and the best thing is...after THOSE dates with your wife...you better BUH-LEEEVE there will be sex. Bottom line..instead of looking elsewhere...rediscover what you have at home and nurture it. You won't regret it and it will be FAR more rewarding to your family...especially your children. Good Luck to you.

I think the previous posters have really had great responses.
It's good you recognized a pattern with a breach of trust being the main problem.

There are guys out there that do a whole lot worse and are forgiven.

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And? You're not married to their wives. You use the word "trivial" quite a bit to describe what happened. If it's not trivial to your wife, don't think of it that way. She has the right to decide her own course of action. If she never forgives you, that is the consequence. Your job is to do what you can to prevent something like this from happening in the future and to assure your wife as best as you can that you will be trustworthy from now on.

Be as transparent as possible. Let her know where you are, who you're talking to and let her have access to what she wants. Show her you've got nothing to hide and that her trust in you is your biggest concern.

And good for you for seeking counseling.

I would not beat your self up about this ok you made a mistake if your wife loves you and this is a one off something you did not even follow through with she will cope she will forgive u. I wish that was the case with my hubby of 3 years the difference is there has been countless and I mean countless of adds he hass put on sexual hook up websites for "fun", escort pages, I've even got into his call registers a number of times only to google the numbers from the previous weekend or nights we've had apart bcos of these ongoing issues only to be directed to sites such as Craigslist locanto backpage, private escorts with there adds this has happened too many times to count. He is 44 and I'm 30 we got married in 2014 it was only 2bmonths following I managed to find emails about adds he had replied too... He swore nothing ever happened I was so desperate I msg these girls pretending to be him and they've all confirmed another booking and remember him. He has a number of alias's on some really out there hook up sites.. I've found sex toys "penis pumps" numerous amounts of Viagra hidden in all sorts of places from cars storage sheds our caravan. . All used not with me. He swears on his own children's lives he has never followed through and all the toys are old. Im ridiculously confused bcos I want to believe him when he crys full tears and always ses to me I'm all he wants there is only me.... But how do I believe this at one point I started to blame myself think I wasn't good enough. I've even considered professional help for him but he doesn't believe he has a problem and its all in my imagination. . I'm at a complete loss.. Bcos any time I've left moved out tried to heal and move forward he harasses me works on me makes me feel sorry for him and charms me back in I really want to believe when he promises it will never happen again but it does bomb shell after bomb shell he truly believes it's me cheating on him. Tbh I'm not perfect i met him whilst working in the adult industry so what did I really expect but I've got a good heart and want to believe that ppl can change I'm living proof of this when he decided to marry me I never looked back and it's the last thing id ever want to relive again, he turned me against it called it a dark dirty world yet is delving into left right and centre every ttime I turn my back or we are having some troubles usually over this same stuff e g the last dirty hook up site he was caught on.. I'm really at My wits end and am ashamed of myself for letting it go on and accepting this for far too long this wasn't the girl I was a few years ago or anything I would ever stand for now I'm in those shoes and although I've seen the evidence he still will not admit it not even at my lowest desperate bid for awnsers the truth I deserve and have pleaded for all to my own further detriment. I can forgive if it had happened even a couple of times and he had been consistent in staying true and not continuing this behaviour time and time again I think I could truly get over it but it's still not ceasing why is it I still love this man so deeply and accept him that he has flaws like us all and try to think he is human after all.... But it's becoming so soul destroying especially bcos I'm so sexully attracted to him and have never denied him off intimacy and believe it or not have been the initator on the most part but still why does he continue to do these things to me? I believe if she loves you she will get through this providing this was a once off all you can do is reassure her and be honest and hope she will build that trust in you again. Goodluck.