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He told me he has been cheating because he feels I am not meeting his needs. . Basically it started when I was pregnant with the second baby and was busy with moving twice, a pandemic, and building a new house. But I evidently wasn't cleaning the house, having sex, and working out in the gym enough for him during that time. I recognize that I probably wasn't but I was busy giving him children.

He said he wants to work things out and stop cheating.
Please, for the love of civilized humanity, PLEASE don’t say that this quote is acceptable to you and you are going to attempt to stay in a marriage where the guy has admitted cheating, in his own drunken words tells a guy in front of you how little he values you and shows you with his actions.

This is one of the weakest BS excuses I’ve seen. He doesn’t even care enough about the thought of you leaving to come up with a decent line of ******** or attempt to gaslight you like any lowlife cheater who knows how good he really has it with his wife will attempt to do......

Please don’t disappoint yourself and dignify this garbage he’s told you with any response other than——“I think it’s time you’re a free man and can chase women with a clear conscience. I want you to be happy.”

Then, get a shark lawyer, hammer him in divorce so you can take care of your kids and treat him with the disrespect he has shown you for years.
Your husband is a serial cheater and in this case, there’s no chance of him changing. He likes cheating.
 

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He told me he has been cheating because he feels I am not meeting his needs. Basically it started when I was pregnant with the second baby and was busy with moving twice, a pandemic, and building a new house. But I evidently wasn't cleaning the house, having sex, and working out in the gym enough for him during that time. I recognize that I probably wasn't but I was busy giving him children.

He said he wants to work things out and stop cheating.
Sparta, your husband is a jackass! He has no business blaming you for his weakness, lack of boundaries and lack of respect for the vows that HE TOOK when he married you!

An emotionally mature and healthy couple will sit down with each other and discuss issues that they might be unhappy about (sex, money, work, stress, chores, etc) and come to a compromise that works for both parties. They DO NOT go outside the marriage for sex! If the issues are too great to overcome, then they separate and/or divorce.

Over the years, my wife and I have had a couple of these sit down talks to discuss problems in our marriage; sex being one of the biggies. And, thank God, we were able to always work it out/compromise in a way that we were both happy. But I NEVER fathomed going outside of the marriage for sex. NEVER! Looking back, we were always able to work it out because of how we both love each other and want each other to be happy.

The point is, THIS is how married people handle these situations..... you talk these things/problems through and do your best to compromise and come up with solutions; not going looking for sex elsewhere only to later blame the poor betrayed spouse for not doing enough. Your husband is full of sh!t! And deep down, you KNOW he is full of sh!t. But, you are trying desperately to believe him because you are just too scared of the prospect of having to leave him.

Is he willing to disclose ALL of the gory details of his cheating? Is he prepared to go "no contact" with his affair partner, even if it means quitting his job? Is he ready to let you examine his phone, computer and email at any time that you wish? Is he willing to let you track him via a cellphone app? These are just the surface concessions that he has to make to begin the reconciliation process with you. And this will take YEARS for him to regain some semblance of trust from you.

Are you willing to suffer through the "mind movies" of his affairs? Are you willing to go through years and years of worrying about why he came home late one night from work, or didn't answer his cellphone for several hours one day? Are you prepared for the fear that will arise when a strange rash might show up on private parts? This is just a fraction of what you have to look forward to with reconciliation. As much as you may think that you want it, it rarely ever works out.

But, like I said earlier, get a VAR and a GPS tracker for his car. I'll bet dollars to donuts, that when the smoke clears (and even possibly before), he will be back to his "shenanigans", and you will be right back here, with the exact same problem.
 

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He told me he has been cheating because he feels I am not meeting his needs. Basically it started when I was pregnant with the second baby and was busy with moving twice, a pandemic, and building a new house. But I evidently wasn't cleaning the house, having sex, and working out in the gym enough for him during that time. I recognize that I probably wasn't but I was busy giving him children.

He said he wants to work things out and stop cheating.
Oh good he’s finally admitted something and of course on to the next thing where it’s all your fault he stuck his **** in some other person. Now he will try very hard to allow you to prove that you deserve him and his fabulous self. You can jump through fiery hoops like a pathetic monkey (I did this) or you can do the reasonable thing and do the 180 and see a lawyer ASAP.

Please understand that the reasons he gave himself for cheating doesn’t mean they are true. You did nothing to deserve being cheated on and you did not cause this. This is a defect in HIM, not you.
 

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He told me he has been cheating because he feels I am not meeting his needs. Basically it started when I was pregnant with the second baby and was busy with moving twice, a pandemic, and building a new house. But I evidently wasn't cleaning the house, having sex, and working out in the gym enough for him during that time. I recognize that I probably wasn't but I was busy giving him children.

He said he wants to work things out and stop cheating.
Says every cheater ever.

"It's YOUR fault, you're not meeting my needs."

That's ******** I hope you realize that.
 

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What your husband expected was unrealistic. You know that. He cheated because he felt entitled. What he is entitled to is a divorce. Then he can make his own living arrangements, do his own packing and clean his own bloody house. He's probably already working on his next list of excuses i.e. you burned the spaghetti or you laughed at the wrong time or there was dust on the windowsill.

See an attorney and separate immediately.
 

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He told me he has been cheating because he feels I am not meeting his needs. Basically it started when I was pregnant with the second baby and was busy with moving twice, a pandemic, and building a new house. But I evidently wasn't cleaning the house, having sex, and working out in the gym enough for him during that time. I recognize that I probably wasn't but I was busy giving him children.

He said he wants to work things out and stop cheating.
You're still in a fog, and you haven't had your fill of his lying, cheating ass yet. Maybe you should continue your relationship with him until you actually realize what a loser he is. That will make dumping him easier.

I hope you can wise up before going through that, but sometimes that's what it takes.
 

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I'm planning on leaving tomorrow. I don't deserve the abuse. I'm worried about my kids though and how messed up they'll be having a dad like that for the rest of their lives.
Do you have a support system? Where are you going when you leave?

You can't control who their father is, but you can control how much abuse they're subjected to. Not only should you, but you must.
 

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Do you have a support system? Where are you going when you leave?

You can't control who their father is, but you can control how much abuse they're subjected to. Not only should you, but you must.
Off topic but a woman has total control who the father is.
 

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I'm planning on leaving tomorrow. I don't deserve the abuse. I'm worried about my kids though and how messed up they'll be having a dad like that for the rest of their lives.
Is he a decent father to them when he has them? You can expect at least that much, perhaps a little more if he is guilt parenting.

Be prepared for the next thing, the love bombing when he realizes he isn’t happy with whats going to happen now.
 

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When he sees what his attorney tells him he will likely pay in spousal and child support, he will definitely unleash the b-52’s with nukes loaded with radioactive “love” -no doubt.
Good call.
 

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Discussion Starter · #56 ·
I'm in a safe place now, getting an attorney. I realize I've been abused in many ways but I felt like I deserved it. I'm trying to keep him away from the kids but in my area, usually parenting is shared unless there's physical violence (documented by police).
 

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I'm planning on leaving tomorrow. I don't deserve the abuse. I'm worried about my kids though and how messed up they'll be having a dad like that for the rest of their lives.
Better to take the kids away from a toxic situation than expose them to it for years, giving them a warped example of marriage to have to un-learn so they aren't doomed to repeat it in their own adult lives.
 

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Better to take the kids away from a toxic situation than expose them to it for years, giving them a warped example of marriage to have to un-learn so they aren't doomed to repeat it in their own adult lives.
The term "Staying together for the kids" should be changed to "Staying to poison the kids and handicap their chances of achieving happiness in their lives".
 

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He's in the military - are any of his sex partners also in the military?
 

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@Sparta3 it bewilders me that cheating spouses come up with the "you weren't there for me so I had sex with someone else" line.

It's like they are scared that if they attempt to get sexual relief by themselves that their tickle-tackle or their woo-woo will drop off or wizen up. :rolleyes:
 
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