Joined
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2 Posts
Hey guys,
this is my first post here, i have been looking around on the forum for a little bit because i am at a loss of what to do. heres my situation.( this is going to be long, go pee first)
i am 28 years old, my wife and i have been together 3 years, married 1. I really love my wife, and i think that is why i am battling so much with this. we rent a small house owned by my family, its all we can afford for now, that will change in the next year or so. Every time i try to do something for my wife, it seems like its never enough. Nothing is good enough. She seems to find fault with everything i do for her. recently my parents bought us a piece of furniture as a gift. it was used and my wife wanted to paint it(shabby-chic). I am fine with that, went and talked to the good folks at sherwin williams and figured out what we need and bought it for her. we get home and she starts cleaning(rare, ill get to that in a minute) her cleaning takes forever bc it never gets done regularly(and i try to help, but its never right in her eyes) i had the furniture setup on the porch so we could sand and paint. I told her i was going to start and to come out when shes done. No problem. i get out there and start sanding, then i move on to priming. My wife loses it. Tells me to just stop and let her do it bc i am not doing it right, she wanted to take a before and after picture, and i just dont know what i am doing. so i stop, go to clean the brush out, which i did wrong and she flipped again. i changed clothes, went out and ran some errands, i told her where i was going, what i was doing and when i would be home. shes pissed and ignoring me at this point. i feel bad and on the way home get her a latte and a lottery ticket(wondering why i am the one that is sort of apologizing) i also gave her $50 to get a manicure and lunch with her sister. she says shes sorry, that shes a perfectionist and just wants things done right. Shes says that shes the problem not me. im not mad, never was but decided on my own that i wasnt helping her with this project anymore. It would just cause more trouble. She asked if i was going to paint with her today and i told her no. She then retreated to the bed room and got in bed. Stayed there for a little while and most of the night it has been silent treatment. some small talk, pleasant but forced. Ive been in my man cave most of the day.
not long before we were married i got a new job. it would be in my hometown. our hometowns are 20 min apart. one of the requirements was that i live here. So i am close to home, make decent money, home at night and weekends. I have been in my profession for 8 years and plan on retiring from it. My wife had a long commute, about an hour each way dep on traffic. but it was a decent job, with benefits and growth potential. She applies afew months into our marriage for her "dream job" considerably less money, no benefits and long hours. i told her to follow her dream and try it before we have a home to lose and kids to support. i put her on my insurance with the agreement that she would take on another bill to even things out. that never happened. i still pay her insurance( which is fine) and most of the bills. this lasts about 5 months. she becomes miserable at her job, fusses at me about wanting to move away to another state so we can find our own way.complains about being "stuck" here bc of my job. goes off on me for nothing really and even asked me if she could quit her job before she had another. I wish i could have let her do that but we need every dollar, so i told her no until she found a new job. and i got the silent treatment over that. eventually she finds a better job. so things cooled off until this weekend.
i am just at a loss. i take care of our yard, and the neighbors yard as well (part of the rental agreement)
my wife said since i did all that, she would keep the house clean. our house has been cleaned maybe twice by her. our house is never straight. i try, but i work full time, keep the yards straight(she has never offered to help), do most of the grocery shopping and whatever else comes up. then when i try to clean, its not good enough and i get criticized to the point i dont want to do anymore.
in a nut shell, i feel like i am never going to be good enough. her family loves me and i love them. my family loves her, but they see what is going on(as does hers). I dont know what to do, i dont want to give up on our marriage as its barley been a year, and most of these issues didnt arise until after we were married. but nothing has changed, i figured the first few months would be a little rough but it seems to have gotten worse. I have tried talking to her about this stuff, but it seems to go nowhere, or get better for a few days until i (unknowingly) do something to set her off.
any advice would be appreciated, i dont think counseling will work. i think it may make it worse. and i honestly dont know if i even want to fix this or just quit while i am ahead.
thanks in advance guys, and i apologize about this being so long.
this is my first post here, i have been looking around on the forum for a little bit because i am at a loss of what to do. heres my situation.( this is going to be long, go pee first)
i am 28 years old, my wife and i have been together 3 years, married 1. I really love my wife, and i think that is why i am battling so much with this. we rent a small house owned by my family, its all we can afford for now, that will change in the next year or so. Every time i try to do something for my wife, it seems like its never enough. Nothing is good enough. She seems to find fault with everything i do for her. recently my parents bought us a piece of furniture as a gift. it was used and my wife wanted to paint it(shabby-chic). I am fine with that, went and talked to the good folks at sherwin williams and figured out what we need and bought it for her. we get home and she starts cleaning(rare, ill get to that in a minute) her cleaning takes forever bc it never gets done regularly(and i try to help, but its never right in her eyes) i had the furniture setup on the porch so we could sand and paint. I told her i was going to start and to come out when shes done. No problem. i get out there and start sanding, then i move on to priming. My wife loses it. Tells me to just stop and let her do it bc i am not doing it right, she wanted to take a before and after picture, and i just dont know what i am doing. so i stop, go to clean the brush out, which i did wrong and she flipped again. i changed clothes, went out and ran some errands, i told her where i was going, what i was doing and when i would be home. shes pissed and ignoring me at this point. i feel bad and on the way home get her a latte and a lottery ticket(wondering why i am the one that is sort of apologizing) i also gave her $50 to get a manicure and lunch with her sister. she says shes sorry, that shes a perfectionist and just wants things done right. Shes says that shes the problem not me. im not mad, never was but decided on my own that i wasnt helping her with this project anymore. It would just cause more trouble. She asked if i was going to paint with her today and i told her no. She then retreated to the bed room and got in bed. Stayed there for a little while and most of the night it has been silent treatment. some small talk, pleasant but forced. Ive been in my man cave most of the day.
not long before we were married i got a new job. it would be in my hometown. our hometowns are 20 min apart. one of the requirements was that i live here. So i am close to home, make decent money, home at night and weekends. I have been in my profession for 8 years and plan on retiring from it. My wife had a long commute, about an hour each way dep on traffic. but it was a decent job, with benefits and growth potential. She applies afew months into our marriage for her "dream job" considerably less money, no benefits and long hours. i told her to follow her dream and try it before we have a home to lose and kids to support. i put her on my insurance with the agreement that she would take on another bill to even things out. that never happened. i still pay her insurance( which is fine) and most of the bills. this lasts about 5 months. she becomes miserable at her job, fusses at me about wanting to move away to another state so we can find our own way.complains about being "stuck" here bc of my job. goes off on me for nothing really and even asked me if she could quit her job before she had another. I wish i could have let her do that but we need every dollar, so i told her no until she found a new job. and i got the silent treatment over that. eventually she finds a better job. so things cooled off until this weekend.
i am just at a loss. i take care of our yard, and the neighbors yard as well (part of the rental agreement)
my wife said since i did all that, she would keep the house clean. our house has been cleaned maybe twice by her. our house is never straight. i try, but i work full time, keep the yards straight(she has never offered to help), do most of the grocery shopping and whatever else comes up. then when i try to clean, its not good enough and i get criticized to the point i dont want to do anymore.
in a nut shell, i feel like i am never going to be good enough. her family loves me and i love them. my family loves her, but they see what is going on(as does hers). I dont know what to do, i dont want to give up on our marriage as its barley been a year, and most of these issues didnt arise until after we were married. but nothing has changed, i figured the first few months would be a little rough but it seems to have gotten worse. I have tried talking to her about this stuff, but it seems to go nowhere, or get better for a few days until i (unknowingly) do something to set her off.
any advice would be appreciated, i dont think counseling will work. i think it may make it worse. and i honestly dont know if i even want to fix this or just quit while i am ahead.
thanks in advance guys, and i apologize about this being so long.
