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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
So the backstory on his infidelity: I work graveyard shifts at Subway from 10pm to 6am. I burned my arm on the speed oven and texted him telling him. And then he asked if I was okay and then I said yes, but it hurts. Then he texted me "f**k me" completely out of context then sent the messages "what does" "what hurts". I knew he was drinking because he asked if he could finish of his rum, so I thought sure. But that text message bothered me. It was so random. I got home at 7 in the morning and he fell asleep with his glasses on and his phone on the pillow so I knew he fell asleep texting, but not texting me. I hate being snoopy, but I just couldn't shake that feeling. I knew for a while that he had an app called MeetMe and I snooped through it before (I saw a notification on his phone and thought it was a dating site, but it's not) and he never was flirting or anything. Just honestly trying to make friends. He's in the marines and we move around a lot. It's hard to make friends, so I understood. That night he was messaging almost every girl on his friends list nasty sex messages and he was posting them as his updates and said things like "I wish the wifey didn't have the car". I confronted him about it and he didn't remember doing it. I cried for about two days straight and then I just tried to snap out of it. He apologized and seemed to feel bad for a little while, but I still don't feel like he's really made an effort to fix what he did.

I was really upset, but I didn't think that it was bad enough to ruin our marriage. But now I don't know what to think. I firmly believe that if any of those girls would have come over (none of them even replied to him) then he would have gone all the way. Or if he had the car, I think he would have driven to a bar or something (not that he'd get far in his condition). And now I can't help but wonder if he does this kind of thing when he's sober too. Maybe when he was drunk he just forgot to delete the messages. Does being blackout drunk like that make it okay? I feel like he should feel worse than he does, but maybe I'm just over reacting. How can I trust him again? I have to go to work tonight and he has eight hours to do whatever he wants without me knowing. The paranoia is driving me crazy. He's not allowed to drink while I'm gone (for now at least) and I'm not leaving him the keys. And I made him uninstall the app. Should I just move on? :confused:
 

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Too young to be married, IMHO. But that's beside the point.

Being drunk is no excuse for sending explicit sexual messages to anyone other than your wife.

You asked if you should just move on... personally, I would. Again, I think you're both too young (and he's too immature based on his behavior) to be married. You're only a year into this marriage (still the honeymoon phase) and he's already saying "f*ck me" to other women? Deal breaker for me, regardless of age or alcohol.
 

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Yea. Drinking isn't an excuse.

He doesn't apologize or try to make it right.

I am married to someone similar. He just pushed problems under the rug and pretends they didn't happen. And every time shet happens, more trust and love is broken and he doesn't GET IT.

But I'm 37 and he's 31.

Your husband has a drinking problem...which could soon be a cheating problem.

Talk to him about getting help. Mine quit drinking but never got help. It hasn't helped.
 

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Why did you get married so young? Are you even in school? Did you graduate from high school?

I hate to say this, but IMHO, you may want to strongly consider jettisoning this marriage. Just a guess, but I bet he's been going partying a fair amount since the two of you been together. Is he your only boyfriend? Don't bet that you were his only GF, or at least don't be shocked if you find out he's been having sex with other girls while he goes out partying.

You got your whole life ahead of you. I think you may have married a loser. In your honest opinion, how does your H rate? Does he have the capacity to be a real productive member of society or is he working a dead end job?

Snap judgement based on VERY LITTLE INFO: he's probably a cheat. Divorce, get yourself an education, make a good career for yourself and find someone who is a good man.
 

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All I can suggest is not to let this be swept under the rug. Deal with it now, not in a few years, after you have kids and stuff. And don't take "I don't know" as an answer.

C
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Discussion Starter #10
Yea. Drinking isn't an excuse.

He doesn't apologize or try to make it right.

I am married to someone similar. He just pushed problems under the rug and pretends they didn't happen. And every time shet happens, more trust and love is broken and he doesn't GET IT.


Your husband has a drinking problem...which could soon be a cheating problem.
I don't think he has a drinking problem. He usually only drinks two or three times a month. And usually he doesn't get that drunk. He apologized the first day and a little the second day, but now everything is back to normal and I'm scared that since he thinks we're good he'll think he can get away with it again.

Also (to everyone here) please don't tell me I'm too young to be married. That's not what I started this forum for, and trust me. I've been told by everybody I know.
 

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Ohhhhh "I don't know" is the WORST ANSWER EVER!

They DO KNOW. They are just too scared to say it because they don't want you to leave.

Truth.
 
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I don't think he has a drinking problem. He usually only drinks two or three times a month. And usually he doesn't get that drunk. He apologized the first day and a little the second day, but now everything is back to normal and I'm scared that since he thinks we're good he'll think he can get away with it again.

Also (to everyone here) please don't tell me I'm too young to be married. That's not what I started this forum for, and trust me. I've been told by everybody I know.
Dude was wasted and texting other people to eff him.

Sounds like a problem with drinking to me.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Why did you get married so young? Are you even in school? Did you graduate from high school?

I hate to say this, but IMHO, you may want to strongly consider jettisoning this marriage. Just a guess, but I bet he's been going partying a fair amount since the two of you been together. Is he your only boyfriend? Don't bet that you were his only GF, or at least don't be shocked if you find out he's been having sex with other girls while he goes out partying.

You got your whole life ahead of you. I think you may have married a loser. In your honest opinion, how does your H rate? Does he have the capacity to be a real productive member of society or is he working a dead end job?

Snap judgement based on VERY LITTLE INFO: he's probably a cheat. Divorce, get yourself an education, make a good career for yourself and find someone who is a good man.
Wow lol. I don't think you could be less supportive if you tried. He partied his senior year of high school, but so did I. I did graduate from high school as did he. He's a Lance Corporal for the Marine Corps and already has enough college credits for an associates and is working on more. I haven't started school yet because I want to go to art school and it costs a fortune. He wasn't my only boyfriend. He was my longest relationship, but not my only one. I most certainly was not his only one either. Also I didn't get married just to give up before we've even been married a year. This is a problem that can be fixed. I don't believe that divorce is the answer.
 

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What is the problem, exactly?

He is texting women sexual messages?

Or that he rug sweeps?

I mean...it won't get any better and this will just sit on you. He isn't even talking about it with you. He didn't even truly apologize!

I say this as an older woman who's been around and dealing with the same shet---- for 7 years now. Kids and mortgage and all of that make it more difficult but I'm getting there.

At 19, you think life is roses. Love conquers all. Well...ok then...so what is your question about these problems?
 

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Discussion Starter #15
What is the problem, exactly?

He is texting women sexual messages?

Or that he rug sweeps?

I mean...it won't get any better and this will just sit on you. He isn't even talking about it with you. He didn't even truly apologize!

I say this as an older woman who's been around and dealing with the same shet---- for 7 years now. Kids and mortgage and all of that make it more difficult but I'm getting there.

At 19, you think life is roses. Love conquers all. Well...ok then...so what is your question about these problems?
Life is definitely not roses lol. My life never has been. And honestly both are bugging me. I want to bring it up to him again to let him know that everything is not okay, but I don't know how to do it in a constructive way.
 

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Life is definitely not roses lol. My life never has been. And honestly both are bugging me. I want to bring it up to him again to let him know that everything is not okay, but I don't know how to do it in a constructive way.
Just make him listen. It doesn't have to be constructive. Honest, yes. About you, yes.

"Hey, I'm still really hurt and confused about the other night. It hurts me more that you won't even acknowledge it or talk to me about it. I want and need to talk to you. I am questioning everything between us."

If he walks away, you got bigger problems than this.
 
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Also (to everyone here) please don't tell me I'm too young to be married. That's not what I started this forum for, and trust me. I've been told by everybody I know.
right vs. left...

It's impossible to separate the fact that you are married so young from the fact that your husband is behaving like a single, immature, young man.

The fact is, you have been with your husband since you were 14 which is still a child no matter how mature you think you both were/are.

I realize there are plenty of examples of successful marriages for people who married very young, but those are by and large the exception and not the rule.

As you've stated, EVERYONE tells you that you married to young, so why would we on this forum be any different?

I will bow out of your thread as I really have nothing constructive to offer. Good luck.
 

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Just make him listen. It doesn't have to be constructive. Honest, yes. About you, yes.

"Hey, I'm still really hurt and confused about the other night. It hurts me more that you won't even acknowledge it or talk to me about it. I want and need to talk to you. I am questioning everything between us."

If he walks away, you got bigger problems than this.
Thank you. That's actually very helpful.
 

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Wow lol. I don't think you could be less supportive if you tried. He partied his senior year of high school, but so did I. I did graduate from high school as did he. He's a Lance Corporal for the Marine Corps and already has enough college credits for an associates and is working on more. I haven't started school yet because I want to go to art school and it costs a fortune. He wasn't my only boyfriend. He was my longest relationship, but not my only one. I most certainly was not his only one either. Also I didn't get married just to give up before we've even been married a year. This is a problem that can be fixed. I don't believe that divorce is the answer.
There you go. Looks like you don't have a problem after all. Good luck in the marriage!

Seriously though, I hope I'm wrong. But what That Girl wrote is based on real life experiences as someone older and wiser than you. I'll be 40 this year and have a wife, 3 kids, mortgage, private school tuition bills, utility bills, etc. etc. I too have some life experiences.

If your H doesn't have much of a drinking problem now, do not be surprised if he develops one later. You know the odds of a happy, successful marriage when one spouse is in the armed forces. You have significant pressure up front. Now add in the fact that this 21 years young hot blooded man will periodically see his 19 year old wife as an anchor whenever he's going out and about with his fellow marines and watching them cruise around looking for women to screw. Hell, he may start out trying to play wingman for some buddies, and then...

Look, drunken texts wishing he had the car so he can screw all these other girls is bad. No matter how much alcohol, it's bad. Also, if he CANNOT remember doing it, then he blacked out. If he's blacking out, then he HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM! If, as you said, he does not have a drinking problem, then he was fully coherent and competent when he sent those sexually charged texts.

Are you getting it yet?
 

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But yea. As far as the young thing goes....it's true. It's not judgement it's just fact. Our brains aren't even fully developed until about age 25. That's when a huge shift happens within us. Another one happened for me at around 35.

It will happen for you too, even though you probably don't believe me. lol. I never believed old people either.
 
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