Not sure about my marriage and sex because of what has been said.

1737 Views 13 Replies 8 Participants Last post by KanDo, Oct 12, 2012

chimpzn

Discussion Starter · Oct 11, 2012 (Edited)

Hi all i am new to this and hope that some one can give me some advise i am no 23 years old and my husband is 29. We started dating in 2003 and in 2007 he moved to Australia from our previouse country , things were going great back then , but when he said they were moving , we ended it for a while but becuase we were next door neighbours in this time we worked out we wanted to be together and that we would make it work so in short in 2008 i came over to Aus to visit him and was here 3 months in those 3 months we got engaged and i went back home to sort out all the paperwork and in 2009 i moved to Australia to be with him In 2009 we got married and have been married almost 4 years now. Thing is for those 4 years we have lived on our own for about 6 months everything after that we have been living with his parents after years and years of fighting about this we managed to buy a house that is being built at the moment so we will be out of there next year January thank goodness!Dont get me wrong we all get allong in the house but i feel ive done more and been patient for long enough now regarding that and having to live with his parents for so long. I dont have any family here apart from his. But with all that long story short where everything went wrong in a way first time , when we met i looked pretty good i mean i was only like 15 not even so when i moved to Aus i still looked good in the time we lived alone i thought id spice things up in the bedroom and dress as a school girl as i did this he did not respond to this at all , when i asked him why not he said to me maybe if i lost more weight it would help , i just left it at that this was back in 2009 beginning 2010. Then we went from having sex ones a week to ones a year to nothing . We have had so many fights about this but only becuase back in 2011 Dec he went off !! at me saying its my weight he cannot handle im not fat and its putting him off , back then i was about 79Kg since then we have had no sex and if you count it all up its almost 2.5 years since we did it for the enjoy ment and not for sake of argument. We both have agreed that in a way we know that this has hurt us and we dont feel the same but i just feel i have now lost 12 KG since then and everyone else is telling me how good i look but still no responce from him i am out of options he is more than happy to receive oral sex but he just not like anything more when i asked him about it again he said maybe he just does not like it "this i do not believe" he loves sex and he has said before he misses it with me but still he cant do it again. I crave him and we fight so much about all this im just so hurt that he said that , im to over weight and still now 12 kg less im still not good enough but he keeps on mentioning he would mind me with a nother girl in bed so he can watch and join in i just feel how would he want that if he cant even touch me in that way, Is this an exuce for him wanting to sleep with someone else or not. I have thougt of doing this to mabye see if it will help but im so scared it gets worse and ill always think he would like someone else and not me , i have tried to end things before but some how we just get over it and move on he never ever said that he was sorry for it but he also does not want to talk about it im just over feeling used in my marriage things have picked up and we have had fun in the room but still no sex i just dont know any advise.

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WorkingOnMe

· #2 · Oct 11, 2012

Ok, I'm a little better at math than you. According to your timetable, you were 14 and he was 20 when you started dating. Is that even legal? And now that you're older he's no longer attracted to you? Am I the only one sensing a red flag here?

You weigh about 148 lbs which seems pretty normal for an adult woman. How tall are you? Have you two had any children yet?

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chimpzn

Discussion Starter · #3 · Oct 11, 2012

Hehe it is fine back then we did not have sex back then we only had sex for the first time probably when i was around 17, and lol your math migt be right lol but , i am 110cm tall i now weigh 67kg. He says he is attracted to me and he still wants to be with me and he likes the 4 play side of things but just as long as it is not sex he is ok.

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chimpzn

Discussion Starter · #4 · Oct 11, 2012

Just to add. Hes whole problem as he has mentioned to be before is if i leave things be it will get better if i stop asking him about why he does not hug me kiss me or want to have sex with me it will be better, i feel we need to talk about this as allot has been said between us im hurt cause he said im over weight but its not like its that bad ive done all this hard work no support from him and now even after it all the only thing thats picked up is more different moves and 4 play ideas and this stupid 3 some idea he has wich im not ready for and prob will not do becuase he cant even have sex with me so why , he use to watch so much porn it got discusting to me we tried watching together but i get upset , sometimes cause i feel he wants me to act like them or look like them , reason being he showed me a picture ones of a girl he said he would not mind if i looked like that but if i look at a picture of a good looking fit guy he says ah thats what you want is it not but i say nothing as in fact im happy with how he looks howcome he has this thing about how i look i do not know, we have good days its just i dont even think sex will be the same with us and we dont have any kidz not planning on any best contraseptive (no sex)

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WorkingOnMe

· #5 · Oct 11, 2012

You're 110cm tall?? Isn't that like 3'7"?

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Holland

· #6 · Oct 11, 2012

chimpzn said:
Hehe it is fine back then we did not have sex back then we only had sex for the first time probably when i was around 17, and lol your math migt be right lol but , i am 110cm tall i now weigh 67kg. He says he is attracted to me and he still wants to be with me and he likes the 4 play side of things but just as long as it is not sex he is ok.

So you are just over 3 ft and weigh 67 kgs? Really?

Can you please use spaces or paragraphs, it will make your posts easier to read.

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chimpzn

Discussion Starter · #7 · Oct 11, 2012

3 feet, 6.13 inches

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PBear

· #8 · Oct 11, 2012

chimpzn said:
3 feet, 6.13 inches

So you're vertically challenged, your husband has been dating you since you were 14 and he was 21, you have a BMI of 55 (with obese being 30 or more, morbidly obese is < 50)... You haven't lived on your own with him for 6 months in your entire marriage. And you're wondering why your sex life isn't rocking?

Can you find a counsellor in your area to talk to? Cause I'm thinking you two need more help than you'll get in a forum.

C

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chimpzn

Discussion Starter · #9 · Oct 11, 2012

Im looking into going to a counsellor but he does not want to join me , so i thought ill go alone and see if he would like to come one day.

Maybe if i start he will , as we will be moving out soon im hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel. Its not all that bad its just the sex side of things thats getting me down, and the reason behind it.

And the fact that we have been together from the age we were is not that uncommon. It happens and we have been through allot together.

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Moiraine

· #10 · Oct 11, 2012

I think there are always two sides to every story. According to you, the reason why he doesn't want to have sex with you is he wants you to lose weight.

If this is the only reason, then you have your answer. He is not attracted to your current weight. Your BMI is definitely in the unhealthy range. What do you currently do for diet and exercise? I've found that even if you are overweight, as long as you do regular cardio and weight training, you will start to reshape your body to be a more toned look. This may be more attractive to your husband.

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kingsfan

· #11 · Oct 11, 2012

So he's interested in you at 14, has sex with you at 17, but now that you're 23, which is the start of some very prime years for a woman, he wants nothing to do with you?

Dude sounds more like a pedophile than a husband. What does he even see in a 14 years old anyways? Why can't he find someone his own age? What possibly could he have in common with you to warrant involvement in a relationship?

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wiigirl

· #12 · Oct 11, 2012

Moiraine said:
I think there are always two sides to every story. According to you, the reason why he doesn't want to have sex with you is he wants you to lose weight.

If this is the only reason, then you have your answer. He is not attracted to your current weight. Your BMI is definitely in the unhealthy range. What do you currently do for diet and exercise? I've found that even if you are overweight, as long as you do regular cardio and weight training, you will start to reshape your body to be a more toned look. This may be more attractive to your husband.

I agree

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PBear

· #13 · Oct 11, 2012

Moiraine said:
I think there are always two sides to every story. According to you, the reason why he doesn't want to have sex with you is he wants you to lose weight.

If this is the only reason, then you have your answer. He is not attracted to your current weight. Your BMI is definitely in the unhealthy range. What do you currently do for diet and exercise? I've found that even if you are overweight, as long as you do regular cardio and weight training, you will start to reshape your body to be a more toned look. This may be more attractive to your husband.

This isn't a question of "toned". According to her statements, she's 3'6", and around 170 pounds.

C
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KanDo

· #14 · Oct 12, 2012

Something is amiss here. These are mordidly obese numbers and a midget. She couldn't ride Space Mountain at Disney!

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