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My wife says she still loves me but isn't 'in love with me' anymore.
After 6 years of marriage (rocky at times) and now a 1.5 year old in our lives, I know I'm in love with her.
Where do I go from there?
 

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Tell her your understand and leave it at that. i'm not sure where you should go from there...
 

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That's often code for "there's someone else I AM in love with"... Just as an FYI.

Where does SHE want to go from here?

C
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Go to the men's forum, read the sticky post at the top and study the links and threads inside.

CHances are you "love" your wife, but act and behave in ways that drive her away.

In those posts, a man can learn what to do, and what to stop doing.

And PBear is correct, the all too common ILYBINILWY speech is indeed the signal there is an affair man around the corner, or even at the door!
 

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Yeah. A 90 percent probability that the "I love you..but..." speech means an affair is going on.

I thought I was the lucky 10 percent when I heard those words. Boy, was I ever wrong.
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Go to the men's forum, read the sticky post at the top and study the links and threads inside.

CHances are you "love" your wife, but act and behave in ways that drive her away.

In those posts, a man can learn what to do, and what to stop doing.

And PBear is correct, the all too common ILYBINILWY speech is indeed the signal there is an affair man around the corner, or even at the door!
:iagree::iagree::iagree:
 

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With all due respect, it's very unlikely that a woman with an 18 mo child is having an affair. First, affirm her feelings. Tell her this all makes perfect sense, it's exactly what anyone would expect from someone in your position, it's completely understandable, you're absolutely right.

Next, ask yourself, deep in your heart, whether or not this is really important to you. You've got the kid "on the hoof" so to speak, so your primal goal is accomplished. Personally, I recommend going for another kid asap and maybe even a third. DNA is far more binding than love. Make sure create a link, personally, emotionally, socially and physically, that cannot be severed. If she does run off, you keep the kid(s). And put yourself in her shoes, how can you love someone who put you through all this? And it's just started.

Finally, if your answer is yes, then you have a big project ahead of you. Mostly everyone else is more qualified than me to help you with that. Just keep in mind that the Bible commands you to love your wife but it doesn't say anything about her loving you back.
 

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Adding kids to a loveless marriage is the WORST thing you can do.

The not in love with you is WAY worse than it sounds.

Bringing kids into this type situation is cruel.

With all due respect, it's very unlikely that a woman with an 18 mo child is having an affair. First, affirm her feelings. This all makes perfect sense, this is exactly what I would expect you to do, I completely understand, you're absolutely right.

Next, ask yourself, deep in your heart, whether or not this is really important to you. You've got the kid "on the hoof" so to speak, so your primal goal is accomplished. Personally, I recommend going for another kid asap and maybe even a third. DNA is far more binding than love. Make sure create a link, personally, emotionally, socially and physically, that cannot be severed. If she does run off, you keep the kid(s). And put yourself in her shoes, how can you love someone who put you through all this? And it's just started.

Finally, if your answer is yes, then you have a big project ahead of you. Many people here are more qualified than me to help you with that. Just keep in mind that the Bible commands you to love your wife but it doesn't say anything about her loving you back.
 

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Tell her "I love you but I'm not sure I can tolerate seeing your apathetic ass around here any more."
 

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Adding kids to a loveless marriage is the WORST thing you can do.

The not in love with you is WAY worse than it sounds.

Bringing kids into this type situation is cruel.
I respectfully disagree. Who knows what kind of situation will be in effect tomorrow or the day after? You know yourself and you know you're married and you may or may not know your wife. Another person's love may come or may go but life and marriage are real. I will give the mom the benefit of the doubt and suppose she loves her kid(s). Dad loves his wife and his kid(s). In my humble opinion, we have ignition. Call me cruel but I wouldn't let my wanting to have a family be held hostage to a woman's emotional state.
 

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Is she a SAHM? What does she do all day? Does she go to a gym? Activities? Does she work? Does she spend time on her phone or computer at night while you're watching the baby?
 

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Adding kids to a loveless marriage is the WORST thing you can do.

The not in love with you is WAY worse than it sounds.

Bringing kids into this type situation is cruel.
:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:
 

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Is she a SAHM? What does she do all day? Does she go to a gym? Activities? Does she work? Does she spend time on her phone or computer at night while you're watching the baby?
All essential information. :smthumbup:
 

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I disagree with your disagreement. Why would you want to have a child with someone that "isn't in love with you". Especially when this statement has a high likelihood of being an affair marker. So, you have kids anyways, while your wife decides to keep seeing her mate on the side? What is this going to demonstrate to your kid? Hey son. It's perfectly ok to have zero self respect and let your wife fk around in your marriage. Either that, or your kid grows up and realizes just what a Pu$$y good old dad has been all his life. So, now your wife doesn't have respect for you, and neither do your kids. Just a whole lot of pity for you.


I respectfully disagree. Who knows what kind of situation will be in effect tomorrow or the day after? You know yourself and you know you're married and you may or may not know your wife. Another person's love may come or may go but life and marriage are real. I will give the mom the benefit of the doubt and suppose she loves her kid(s). Dad loves his wife and his kid(s). In my humble opinion, we have ignition. Call me cruel but I wouldn't let my wanting to have a family be held hostage to a woman's emotional state.
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Yes. But I'm referring to ten year hubby's suggestion that they should just have more kids to "grow the love" or "force the love back"

Ahh, Trenton! I missed your mockery, by the way! It's been a while. You must be from Jersey or something.
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I respectfully disagree.

Who knows what kind of situation will be in effect tomorrow or the day after?

Reason one to not have children. Not knowing is not a good reason to have children.

You know yourself and you know you're married and you may or may not know your wife.

Not knowing your wife or knowing that there are negatives are good reasons for not having children with her.

Another person's love may come or may go but life and marriage are real.

There is no marriage without love. She says she does not love him now. Do not make children with someone who does not love you. Plus it is likely that she is having an affair. If not the situation is ripe for it. Having children makes this situation very bad.


I will give the mom the benefit of the doubt and suppose she loves her kid(s).

Women leave their marriage with their kids. Why are we giving her the benefit of the doubt on anything? Her loving her kids does not help her love him. But he should ditch this one and find a loving wife to have chilkdren with.

Dad loves his wife and his kid(s).
In my humble opinion, we have ignition.


This sucks if the wife does not love dad. This is the nightmare scenario. I do agree this would be an incredibly volitale and potentially violent situation so maybe ignition is the right term. Just not in a good way.


Call me cruel

Yes this is cruel.

but I wouldn't let my wanting to have a family be held hostage to a woman's emotional state.

OMG, this is one of the most absurd statements I have ever seen posted here. And that is saying plenty. Hall of Fame stuff. With all due respect ... well done!! By all mean have a child with a women in a bad emotional state. Is that even healthy for a baby?
:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:

Acuse me of being cruel, but this is some of the worst advice I have ever seen on any topic within or without of this website. I am being so emphatic because it sepaks fo bringing children into a relayionship that has problems. Having children takes an unfotunate situation and turns it into tragic.

In all fairness to TYH, we all have bad days and I have had my share of bad posts. So shake it off and come back stronger for this. Good luck sir.
 

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OK. I take it back. Let your wife have the other guy's kid with you on the hook for support. Then trade her in for a new one with you paying support for her and the kid(s). Leave them living with no father and hope you don't make the same mistake twice.
 
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