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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm young, we haven't been married long, and I am considering leaving my wife.

Though I know I will not be able to go through with it.

Nothing is really that bad in our relationship. No cheating, etc.

I'm in the military, and she's starting college next year. We live together, so that's good. But I'm afraid she is in that 'I want to live my life stage'.

She really only does 2 different things that really actually bother me, and its be ignore my opinions and things I care about, verbally abuse me, and use things I tell her, in confidence, against me to make me feel bad when we argue. So I guess its 3 things.

She just cusses at me so much, yells at me, cuts me off, tells me 'F*ck you' 'f*ck off' 'I'll do whatever the f*ck I want'. and ALWAYS yells at me. I never yell at her. Never. Nor do I cuss at her the way she does me. I grew up with my parents yelling, and saying cruel things, and leading into a nasty divorce, told my self I'd never do it. Still haven't. I mean, I have yelled at her before, but not like she does me, and its very rare, and over serious situations. I am always calm and collected. Though I do have a slight over protection problem that bothers her.

Though, it's nothing really serious, I ask her to do something, or not to do something. It's the typical f*ck you, f*ck off, i'll do whatever the f*ck I want, can't believe I got into this marriage kinda thing. we love eachother, sincerely, but it seems she has taken a turn towards the 'i don't care' phase. If something bothers me, she doesn't care if she doesn't agree with it. If in her mind, murdering babies was okay, she'd get mad at me for disagreeing with her. Simply because she thinks its okay. Conclusion here is, she doesn't value my thoughts and opinions as I think a wife should. She won't even compromise. It's her way, or the highway, jack.

I have some serious issues at work. I won't get into details, but I confide in her a lot. And she agrees, and plays the whole, you're a great person deal, and than we argue, she completely throws it in my face, everything I say, and makes me out to be this bad, horrible person. It really does hurt.

I am starting to seriously lack care for this marriage. I love the girl to death, and she loves me, and I would cut right arm off to save this marriage, but she says so many hurtful things to me. I seriously am, just starting to lose care for her. Is that normal? I'm pushing her away with my over protectiveness, but she is pushing me away with her extreme cruelty. She even admits shes cruel to me, and it makes her feel bad and that I bring out the worst in her.

We've been together for 3 years, and married for about a year. We're young, so there is obviously tons of times for our lives to still bloom, but I feel that the whole 'young college party scene' is more important than being a wife.

I want to leave, but I can't / won't. Make sense?
 

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Sounds like she has a lot of baggage from something

Whatever you do, don't get her pregnant! God forbid you drag kids into this slow motion train wreck.

If you can, get the 2 of you into counseling. If she doesn't agree to go, file. If you don't, you'll just spend a few more years together dealing with trust issues and come to hate each other
 

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I wouldn't be happy either. Your wife is verbally abusing you and is very disrespectful. This is not what marriage is or is suppose to be. I simply can not imagine telling others what my husband confided me in. I can't imagine him telling others what I confide in him as well. It's breaking trust in a very big way.

If you don't want to divorce just yet, you need to put your foot down and tell your wife this needs to stop the cursing and telling others your business. Marriage counseling sounds like a great idea as posted above.

You really can't change her unless she's willing to change herself. Your wife sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do and is not ready for marriage. It sounds like she's rebelling against you like your her parents. That's what her behavior reminds me of.

Have you thought about a trial separation? This might be needed if she continues to do what she's doing. Don't allow her to treat you this way, put your foot down and demand respect. If she doesn't change, are you willing to put up with this the rest of your life? Do you want her to mother your children teaching them this is okay? You may have no choice in the matter and might have to file for divorce.
 

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From your post, it sounds like your wife has no respect for you. I don't know how you can call verbal abuse love. It seems to me like she has no true love for you.

A loving marriage can have arguments. However the arguments doesn't turn into verbal abuse. You can argue and disagree, but still respect each other. What she shouldn't do is throw the things you told her in your face and hurt you. This really sounds like a childish way to argue, not how adults should argue.

How old are you two? It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. You can try marriage counseling, but unless she wants to change she won't magically become mature and respectful.

The longer you stay with an abusive spouse, the more self esteem you'll lose. One day you'll truly believe yourself to be worthless and can't leave anymore.
 

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Put your foot down and tell her you will not stand for the disrespect when she cusses at you. If she won't seek counseling or stop I'd file divorce papers and get it over with. From what you posted it doesn't sound like this women loves you at all.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
We are 21 and 20. I think she is just young and has more concerns of being social, etc than being married.

I had a bit of doubt in her time line today, so I questioned her. And she was VERY defensive about it.

She was suppose to get off at 11.
Though, she has to wait for the manager to get off, usually takes around 30 minutes, so she usually leaves around 1130.
Today one of her friends (She hangs out with, 2 guys, and 2 girls, they are in relationships with eachother, 1 is married, and 1 is gf / bf. ) One of those guys is a new manager, and around 1145, she stopped messaging me, so i attempted to call her. No avail. Around 130 she texts me saying shes been at walmart and left her phone in her car. and she'll be home soon (walmart is 10 mins away). 30 mins later I message her, she says she fell asleep for a minute on the bed, etc. I asked her why would she be at walmart for 1.5 hours. She said, after matt got off, they waited for marcus to bring cheese cake from the cheese cake factory for christmas, etc. I told her she's not a teenager, and needs to carry her cell phone on her, even if she forgot it, after 1.5 hours, wouldn't you think 'oh my phone?' She replied with 'F*ck off seriously. goodnight'

Thought that was pretty messed up.

I messaged her back, saying, she's extremely rude, needs to keep phone on her. I told her if she's gonna wait around with a guy...she should atleast be able to pick up the phone, or message me. and if she was even at walmart, or was she hanging out with her friends? she could tell me the truth'

her reply was a 'f*ck you'

That was the last thing she has said to me.

I am in Afghanistan right now.
So this obviously doesn't feel good.

Long story short. Though I trust her, and she is a good girl, this story is full of sketch.
When I say to her 'Typically, this kind of behavior...' She pulls the 'you think I'm every other girl huh?' What the hell am I suppose to say? Yes - Yells at me, say I don't trust her.
 

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Oh dear........
 

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I can relate. When I was around my wife that phone never left her side.
When she started going out all the time with her friends, and a guy she met, she started ignoring my texts a lot.
That was usually her excuse "I left the phone in the car"
Also getting overly defensive when being question about it.
Always a bad sign.

Point is she gets overly defensive and then turns ugly because she is doing something she shouldnt be doing and hiding it from you.
Just my opinion, but go with your instinct. It's usually correct.

I told myself I trust her and she would never do anything like that.
A few months later I got the "I love you, but not in love with you" speech and am now divorced.
Then found out she was seeing this other guy. Maybe I could have stopped it if I hadn't turned a blind eye.
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Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
I can relate. When I was around my wife that phone never left her side.
When she started going out all the time with her friends, and a guy she met, she started ignoring my texts a lot.
That was usually her excuse "I left the phone in the car"
Also getting overly defensive when being question about it.
Always a bad sign.

Point is she gets overly defensive and then turns ugly because she is doing something she shouldnt be doing and hiding it from you.
Just my opinion, but go with your instinct. It's usually correct.

I told myself I trust her and she would never do anything like that.
A few months later I got the "I love you, but not in love with you" speech and am now divorced.
Then found out she was seeing this other guy. Maybe I could have stopped it if I hadn't turned a blind eye.
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My instinct tells me she's a good girl, and would never cheat on me. She says its me being over protective, pushing her away, ie 'not caring anymore' as she puts it. Yeah, she makes a slightly valid point. I am a little over protective on somethings, but for good reasons. But then again, the moment I left for deployment, literally like 2 or 3 days later, she starts working out 5 or 6 times a week, does her hair the nice way she likes it. Has been sketchy as of late. Something is off about the whole situation, but she is being very convincing that I am being crazy and controlling. I asked her last night "Is there anyone you are getting close too? Texting a lot...anything" Her reply was "psh, I wish." So I'm not sure what to think about that. Trickery / lies. Or 'I wish I was, but I have too many morals and values to do something like that'.

But, I do think she is craving more of a social aspect of life.
She was hanging out with other ranger wives, and got rather close to one, and stopped hanging out with her because she is 'too wife like for only being 21'. And now she hangs out with these 2 going-nowhere-in-life-works-at-blockbuster couples. They're like, 24 and 25, and 30, and 31. I mean, come the **** on. She is always telling me, I 'ruined' her life because I 'made' her marry me and leave everything else behind. Which ****in hurts because I never look at the things I had to sacrifice in this marriage. yeah, I sacrificed a fun, single party life too. Though, I mean...we can still get drunk and do these together.

My conclusion to this is she is simply too young for this. I mean, I'm practically the same age, but we have different outlooks apparently. To her, she is missing out. To me, yeah I am, but I don't care. I think that's the problem. She is more focused on living out her life, etc. She was a great girlfriend, but is being a really ****ty wife. I work long hours in a hard job, stressed out all the time, have to put up with so much bull****, I even bought her a car, pay ALL the bills, her gas, everything, and she complains about cooking and cleaning. When I already do cook and clean!

Last night I was talking to her through skype, after that whole conversation, and the way she talked was so careless. It deep down, bothered me. She went off on something about me being ****ty, etc. Told me that all her friends, co workers and family thinks I'm a piece of a **** and why is she even still with me? I feel embarrassed to tell my friends and family how bad she treats me. It's like it makes her feel better about her self if she thinks other people think I'm a piece of a ****. Regardless of how she talks to me, which has been going on for 1.5 years, I still do not tell people the inside story of our relationship. It's our business. Anyways, I was speaking to her, about something or another, and she was looking away, in careless, half smile, and I said 'are you even listening to me?' and she replied with 'No, I'm watching tv'. Really, pissed me off. But as I always do, I keep my composure and ask her to please listen. she goes on with the whole 'I'm done, I could care less' spill for a minute or so. I am pretty speechless about how careless she is on the whole matter, so I just say I gotta go.

Long story short - I'm not sure what is going on. Is my slight over protectiveness really causing this much turmoil within our relationship? Or is there a third party present? I'm not sure.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I'm not gonna sit here and say she's a bad wife, and I'm the best husband to ever walk the lands, because I'm not. But I would like to think, my flaws don't deserve this kind of ill treatment.
 

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Marriage takes a lot of work. It requires two mature adults who are willing to work hard together. You two are still very young. The long distance marriage does not help in anyway.

It sounds like she's too immature to be married. She may very well be carrying on an emotional or physical affair. You wouldn't be any wiser. Unless she miraculously grows up real fast, I'm not sure how you two can work this out. It's even harder since you two are not living together.

Are you able to get any individual counseling for yourself to get through this?
 

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Couple of thoughts:

You keep saying you are "slightly overprotective" of her. But you haven't explained how you are being overprotective. Do you really mean that you're slightly controlling? Meaning, do you constantly question what she's doing, who she talked to, make her account account for her time, is she using her time wisely in your eyes, etc? This kind of constant questioning would get under my skin really fast, and might explain why she's rebelling by not telling you every detail of every minute of her day. You say you trust her, but your behavior may not be reflecting that.

As far as her apparent resentfulness about being married, is it possible she feels slighted in the fact that she married young, and now you are far away, so she's feeling like she's experiencing all the disadvantages of being married AND the disadvantages of living a single life? Not saying that's anyone's fault, but it might explain why she's feeling resentful. If so, your having some empathy for her being young, married, but living on her own might go a long way in making her feel like she's being supported.

She is without question being obtusely disrespectful. I have been married for 19 years, and I'm not super happy with my husband, but I have NEVER told him to f**k off. There is no excuse for her verbal abuse. You are in a difficult position being deployed, because she knows she doesn't really have to answer to you for being verbally abusive right now. But...the abuse should not be tolerated, not for one more minute.

The longer you allow this abusive behavior to continue, the more ingrained it will become. Every time you allow her to verbally abuse her, you are teaching her that it's perfectly OK with you for her to treat you that way. These problems WILL NOT just magically go away. So unless you are ok with a disrespectful and verbally abusive wife as the 'norm' in your life, take action ASAP.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Couple of thoughts:

You keep saying you are "slightly overprotective" of her. But you haven't explained how you are being overprotective. Do you really mean that you're slightly controlling? Meaning, do you constantly question what she's doing, who she talked to, make her account account for her time, is she using her time wisely in your eyes, etc? This kind of constant questioning would get under my skin really fast, and might explain why she's rebelling by not telling you every detail of every minute of her day. You say you trust her, but your behavior may not be reflecting that.

As far as her apparent resentfulness about being married, is it possible she feels slighted in the fact that she married young, and now you are far away, so she's feeling like she's experiencing all the disadvantages of being married AND the disadvantages of living a single life? Not saying that's anyone's fault, but it might explain why she's feeling resentful. If so, your having some empathy for her being young, married, but living on her own might go a long way in making her feel like she's being supported.

She is without question being obtusely disrespectful. I have been married for 19 years, and I'm not super happy with my husband, but I have NEVER told him to f**k off. There is no excuse for her verbal abuse. You are in a difficult position being deployed, because she knows she doesn't really have to answer to you for being verbally abusive right now. But...the abuse should not be tolerated, not for one more minute.

The longer you allow this abusive behavior to continue, the more ingrained it will become. Every time you allow her to verbally abuse her, you are teaching her that it's perfectly OK with you for her to treat you that way. These problems WILL NOT just magically go away. So unless you are ok with a disrespectful and verbally abusive wife as the 'norm' in your life, take action ASAP.
You're right - And I will attempt to explain it here -

I don't make her account for every minute of the day. At the end of the day when we talk, I usually ask what shes done. But innocently. Not a controlling way. I don't monitor who she talks with. Sometimes she asks me who I'm talking to, as I will ask her sometimes. But for the most part - I don't care that much
I am a bit selective on her choice of pants while she works out. For years she has never worn yoga pants, or whatever you call them, but all of a sudden she does. Though it bothers me, she does not care. I did not wear wife beaters in public for years because it bothered her. So it was kinda mutual until she stopped caring, and than started wearing them. I kinda have been forced to get over the fact now. I don't tell her 'Don't wear those underwear, or that shirt, or this that'. I'm a little bothered by her friends at times, because they're in their 30's, and she's 20. She smokes pot with them, which I don't care, but like I said, they're older. They don't care about the well being of this young silly girl. When she does not message me for a while or something, or answer my calls, I do ask her what shes been doing. Last night for example. 2 hours of unaccounted for time went buy in which she didn't answer me, and her excuse was 'i was at walmart' and than after I asked her what could she possibly be doing at walmart for 1.5 hours she threw in 'we waited for another co worker to bring us cheesecake'. When she leaves out snid bits of information, and 'loses her phone in her car for 2 hours, trying to find it multiple times, but failing, except for when conveniently going home' it just looks plain bad on her part. We had a rough patch back October-nov 2011, where she worked at a lowes in Tempe, AZ. (ASU Campus) and it was nothing but college guys working there. We were temporarily broken up and she wanted to make new friends. She was swarmed by men constantly, and eventually came back to me, saying all these men want were sex. (Well go figure right?) She caused me great pain during that time. Hanging out with this guy by their selves, etc. So I do not want her working at another lowes or home depot. I have worked primarily at restaurants so I know how it goes there. So did my ex, and my mom, and they all cheated via restaurants. People's maturity level seems to regress while being servers, hostesses etc. So I just ask she does not serve or work at home depot / lowes, as I have had bad experiences with them. I am controlling I guess.

But I support her in every way. Do not yell, hit, cuss at her. She is into graphic design / art, and for years she thought her parents would get her a macbook pro to help her with school, considering they both make a substantial amount of money. Year, after year, cheap presents. So I bought her one so she could follow her dreams. I feel that, aside from my over prot / controlling tendencies, I am being TOO nice, and she is walking all over me. No matter how bad we fight - I always make sure to say that I love her at the end, and tell her, no matter how big the fight is, you should always say it.

Last month, she literally spent my entire savings, wasn't much, but careless spending, sapped a few thousand dollars in a matter of a month or 2. I didn't yell at her. She felt so bad, and as she always squashes me like a bug when she had the chance. I told her it wasn't mad, to cut spending on stupid **** and it'll be alright. It was my golden opportunity to return all the foul things she said to me, and she would have accepted it. But I didn't do it. I believe I am too nice, and as a result, I am getting walked on.
 

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Ok, so there is a glaring lack of maturity...with BOTH of you. You, my dear, are in fact being controlling. You're not "overprotecting" her, you're overprotecting yourself because you don't trust her to make good decisions. Therefore, you feel you need to intervene and make decisions for her. Now, I am not overlooking the fact that she has given you reason to question her judgement. Her spending thousands of dollars of your savings is way out of line and is another way she's disrespecting you.

"I am a bit selective on her choice of pants while she works out." You speak as though you are the parent of a 12-year-old. Yoga pants are a very normal thing to wear to exercise. And she's not 12.

"I'm a little bothered by her friends at times, because they're in their 30's, and she's 20. She smokes pot with them, which I don't care, but like I said, they're older. They don't care about the well being of this young silly girl." You don't get to choose her friends. The fact that they're older is actually probably a good thing, as they're likely to be more grounded and less likely to be wild and crazy like friends her own age often are. Strangely, you're not bothered that they smoke pot and that she does too. That I would be bothered by.

"Last night for example. 2 hours of unaccounted for time went buy in which she didn't answer me, and her excuse was 'i was at walmart'...I asked her what could she possibly be doing at walmart for 1.5 hours..." Really? You don't make her account for her time? She went a whole 2 hours without being at your beck and call and you blow a gasket. And "it just looks plain bad on her part." Looks bad in what way? You are looking for reasons to not trust her.

"So I do not want her working at another lowes or home depot. I have worked primarily at restaurants so I know how it goes there. So did my ex, and my mom, and they all cheated via restaurants. People's maturity level seems to regress while being servers, hostesses etc. So I just ask she does not serve or work at home depot / lowes, as I have had bad experiences with them." So you are morally superior and therefore it is your duty to keep your wife away from working at these cesspools of moral debauchery. Because clearly if your wife worked there, she would be incapable of having her own sense of values and morals. Sorry to say, if someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat. Whether they work at a restaurant or Lowe's or the White House, they'll do it.

Your behavior is going to result in one of those self-fulfilling prophecies. If your expectations of her are that she'll dress to skimpily, she'll work somewhere that "makes" her cheat on you, or if she doesn't text you immediately, she must be up to no good...eventually she'll live up to those expectations. Guaranteed.

She is out of line in many ways as I have already said. I'm not defending her. But since you posted this up, you're own behavior deserves a bit of scrutiny. You both have A LOT of maturing to do. Passage of time does not guarantee maturing. You are both in desperate need of counseling. Make it top priority when you get home from deployment. Otherwise, I don't see much of a happy future for either one of you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 · (Edited)
Ok, so there is a glaring lack of maturity...with BOTH of you. You, my dear, are in fact being controlling. You're not "overprotecting" her, you're overprotecting yourself because you don't trust her to make good decisions. Therefore, you feel you need to intervene and make decisions for her. Now, I am not overlooking the fact that she has given you reason to question her judgement. Her spending thousands of dollars of your savings is way out of line and is another way she's disrespecting you.

"I am a bit selective on her choice of pants while she works out." You speak as though you are the parent of a 12-year-old. Yoga pants are a very normal thing to wear to exercise. And she's not 12.

"I'm a little bothered by her friends at times, because they're in their 30's, and she's 20. She smokes pot with them, which I don't care, but like I said, they're older. They don't care about the well being of this young silly girl." You don't get to choose her friends. The fact that they're older is actually probably a good thing, as they're likely to be more grounded and less likely to be wild and crazy like friends her own age often are. Strangely, you're not bothered that they smoke pot and that she does too. That I would be bothered by.

"Last night for example. 2 hours of unaccounted for time went buy in which she didn't answer me, and her excuse was 'i was at walmart'...I asked her what could she possibly be doing at walmart for 1.5 hours..." Really? You don't make her account for her time? She went a whole 2 hours without being at your beck and call and you blow a gasket. And "it just looks plain bad on her part." Looks bad in what way? You are looking for reasons to not trust her.

"So I do not want her working at another lowes or home depot. I have worked primarily at restaurants so I know how it goes there. So did my ex, and my mom, and they all cheated via restaurants. People's maturity level seems to regress while being servers, hostesses etc. So I just ask she does not serve or work at home depot / lowes, as I have had bad experiences with them." So you are morally superior and therefore it is your duty to keep your wife away from working at these cesspools of moral debauchery. Because clearly if your wife worked there, she would be incapable of having her own sense of values and morals. Sorry to say, if someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat. Whether they work at a restaurant or Lowe's or the White House, they'll do it.

Your behavior is going to result in one of those self-fulfilling prophecies. If your expectations of her are that she'll dress to skimpily, she'll work somewhere that "makes" her cheat on you, or if she doesn't text you immediately, she must be up to no good...eventually she'll live up to those expectations. Guaranteed.

She is out of line in many ways as I have already said. I'm not defending her. But since you posted this up, you're own behavior deserves a bit of scrutiny. You both have A LOT of maturing to do. Passage of time does not guarantee maturing. You are both in desperate need of counseling. Make it top priority when you get home from deployment. Otherwise, I don't see much of a happy future for either one of you.
You prove some good points. I don't know - I have a hard time overlooking some of these things. It hasn't always been this bad - But it just makes it so much worse when she throws it all back in my face. It's like a vicious circle - More I do, the more she does, and the more she does, the more I do.

We have talked about counseling when I return. Is going to be a priority because previously, before she went into IDGAF mode, we established that counseling may be the life line to this marriage. I just wanted some outside opinions. It use to be, I would say I don't agree with something, she would positively re assure me on the subject, and it'd be fine...but now its just '**** you' and '**** off' and all sorts of nasty comments, that make me push harder. It's a vicious circle.

Edit: The whole 2 hours of unaccounted for time. On a normal day, I wouldn't think twice about this. But I get off at a certain time every day over here, and have a small window to speak to her. During this window, she normally, would message me with an 'hey I just got off' or a 'i'm gonna go hang out with my friends for a while' or a 'gonna stop by walmart' or 'pick up something up to eat' and I'd be like alright. Problem here is her leaving her phone in the car, and making no attempt to find it. I use to do this, unintentionally and she would get so livid. When she is around her friends, she seems to forget about my existence now days, which really bothers me. I am not asking her to text me every 5 minutes. But atleast message me saying 'hey I'm gonna chill with pals' or something.
 

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Some questions to think about:
Does your wife make you happy?
Would you stay with her if another woman showed up who really made you happy without all the dramas?
Why do you really want to stay? Is there something you are afraid of when you think about leaving?
When someone says "I really love her but I'm thinking about leaving" you have to question whether or not they really do love her or are merely justifying what would otherwise be guilt.
 

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When she is around her friends, she seems to forget about my existence now days, which really bothers me. I am not asking her to text me every 5 minutes. But atleast message me saying 'hey I'm gonna chill with pals' or something.
Perhaps the pot smoking has something to do with this? Maybe she smokes much more than you realize. And maybe it's the reason she loses track of time and misses your window of opportunity to call. And maybe she's spending more money on it or because of it. As I said, if there's anything you mentioned that would really worry me, the pot smoking would be it.
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Some questions to think about:
Does your wife make you happy?
Would you stay with her if another woman showed up who really made you happy without all the dramas?
Why do you really want to stay? Is there something you are afraid of when you think about leaving?
When someone says "I really love her but I'm thinking about leaving" you have to question whether or not they really do love her or are merely justifying what would otherwise be guilt.
I will try to answer these as honestly as I can -

1. When she is not acting like this, yes - She does. She is a very loving person who at one point in time atleast, cared very deeply about me.
2. I don't know - I do not allow women to get close to me. Especially in a time like this.
3. I love her. I have committed myself to her. She was a broken soul when I found her, and I put the pieces back together, and the result was a beautiful, loving girl who cared about me. Specially after the disaster that was my ex girlfriend. I took her virginity. That may have something to do with it. I guess I'm afraid of two things: She will either go back into her deep depression (Depression runs deep within her family). Or she will go wild, neither of which I care to see.
4. I suppose the main reason I am not leaving, is because I feel deep down, we can make it work, and I do not want to see her with anyone else.

Perhaps the pot smoking has something to do with this? Maybe she smokes much more than you realize. And maybe it's the reason she loses track of time and misses your window of opportunity to call. And maybe she's spending more money on it or because of it. As I said, if there's anything you mentioned that would really worry me, the pot smoking would be it.
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It helps her with her anxiety, and it has never been a problem. I have since quit after joining the Military, but I wasn't going to make her stop. She recently told me she is trying to cut it down to once a week, or once a month. Perhaps it is the problem. It's not an addiction, and it doesn't make her stupid, the slightest. I'm not sure I guess.
 

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Illegal drugs, abuse and infidelity are my absolute deal breakers. No second chances. I was married at her age. It was horrible. My ex h did all three.

I learned that it's impossible to help change a person for the better. It just doesn't work and there's nothing you can do. My exes behavior is a thousand times worse now then 18-19 years ago. I left that marriage after 1.5 years. I was tired of supporting someone who was using drugs, treating me awful(abuse), spending thousands of dollars in an instant, and unfaithful. He was out until all hours of the night. I later found out he was sleeping with several other women. I was disgusted. I was the breadwinner, housekeeper and responsible for the baby while he played the single life.

It was such a huge relief getting out. I met an honorable man and we've had a beautiful marriage of nearly 13 years now. He's a wonderful husband and father.

You can not change your wife's behavior. She is highly disrespectful of you. You don't treat the ones you love most this way. Can you imagine her telling your children to F off? That's what will happen. She will treat any children the way she treats you. This is who she is. It will greatly effect them, I know this because it happened to me. My adult child is in ongoing therapy because the courts wouldn't allow visitation to stop despite the abuse in the short time he decided to see her. I just found out that he told his child the day she turns 18 that he wants to smoke pot with her from his family members a few months ago. I actually threw up. He said this before she turned 14. I wish I would of known then, I would of pressed charges immediately. I'm really upset no one told me this when it happened. My child is grown into an adult and has no contact with him for years. All he says is how much he hates her, yet he has several other children.

These are some things to think about.
 
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