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Discussion Starter #1
Public Temper Tantrum

I have just had a public temper tantrum. The full monty - screaming, swearing and throwing things. It was a fit of hysterical rage and no one understood a word of it. .

I have embarrassed my husband, irreparably offended 3 other people and I feel so ashamed and humiliated. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Trouble is, I don't know why I snapped. I had been feeling low about a few things for a couple of days but this?? Where did it come from? Annoying things were happening but to totally lose control and so violently??
To lose control in this country is to lose face. I have no face left.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Re: Public Temper Tantrum

A little bit
But to do what I did is so unlike me.
And unforgivable.
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

I've done it a few times over the course of my life and usually it was when I stuffed my frustrations and anger.You say its so unlike you so the people close to you who really know you should be able to forgive you.You say you've lost face....are you in Hong Kong or a similar area? I hope you don't let this damage your spirit and that you realize you're only human.Maybe a little introspection will help you understand why it happened and help you find a way to release whatever you may have been repressing in a better way.Hope you feel better soon.Take care.
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

A little bit
But to do what I did is so unlike me.
And unforgivable.
Did anyone get hurt when you threw things around? Any property damage?

I don't know if it's unforgivable. Depends on what you said, but you said no one could understand you, right?

The best thing is to give a heartfelt apology. Don't put any excuses or do the old "I'm sorry..... BUT.." A but negates whatever good apology that precedes it. Just apologize sincerely to everyone who was affected, say you've learned from the experience. Most reasonable people will accept a sincerely given apology provided no one was hurt and no serious property damage occured. If you damaged anything, offer to pay for it.
Who knows maybe in time this will become some funny anecdote among your friends. "Remember the time missmolly really lost it?..."
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Re: Public Temper Tantrum

Thank you, thoughts from others really helps.
It's true that no one understood my words (not Hong Kong but another Asian country) but my actions spoke for me.
I slapped away the hand of a gentleman who tried to comfort me (our landlord) and shoved away my sweet household help lady who tried to put her arms around me - twice.
Damage was only to my own belongings. That shocked these people who have so little and makes me feel worse - as though I am ungrateful. I'm raving I know.
I called my husband out of an international video conference where he was speaking - screeching through his assistant to choose his job or his marriage and come home now. He came but he said it had been extremely awkward and public for him.

I always examine my actions, sometime perhaps too closely, and I know that my wedding anniversary yesterday distressed me. We had so many congratulatory greetings from others and it was all I could do not to cry all day.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Re: Public Temper Tantrum

Gosh Coffee, you made me think on that "I'm sorry ... but".
I do that. I always thought that I owed an explanation of where I was coming from.
So if people see that as negating the apology then I am guilty of many misguided ones.
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

If they were being more physical than just using words to comfort you (like using their hands to comfort you by patting or hugging), then I guess you have a friendly relationship with each other and not just complete strangers? If so, then a heartfelt sorry plus explaining why you did what you did, as well as what you were going through might be a good thing. People do feel empathy and forgive easily if we try to explain and if we really were in much stress due to life circumstances.

Once, me and my husband argued and we've got his family involved, and then when his mother came to me, I just cried and let her know all the stress I've been feeling lately and why me and my husband argued, and how I felt sorry for what happened, and she understood it all and forgave it all.

If you don't let people know how you have felt, they might misunderstand it and so they might not forgive you about it. This is not just something we do for ourselves, it's also for other people's sake, since they would have hurt feelings when things are misunderstood and unresolved.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Re: Public Temper Tantrum

If they were being more physical than just using words to comfort you (like using their hands to comfort you by patting or hugging), then I guess you have a friendly relationship with each other and not just complete strangers? If so, then a heartfelt sorry plus explaining why you did what you did, as well as what you were going through might be a good thing. People do feel empathy and forgive easily if we try to explain and if we really were in much stress due to life circumstances.

Once, me and my husband argued and we've got his family involved, and then when his mother came to me, I just cried and let her know all the stress I've been feeling lately and why me and my husband argued, and how I felt sorry for what happened, and she understood it all and forgave it all.

If you don't let people know how you have felt, they might misunderstand it and so they might not forgive you about it. This is not just something we do for ourselves, it's also for other people's sake, since they would have hurt feelings when things are misunderstood and unresolved.
Lilith, unfortunately they do not understand English, and despite my effort, I am struggling with the very basics of the language here. And I mean basics, yes, no, please, etc. I do know the word for sorry, but on it's own I don't think it will say much.
The local language here is so difficult that I have just about given up.

And I do have a good superficial relationship with these people but without language it will never go to the next level.
 

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From what I understand of most oriental culture, physical touch is fairly taboo unless there is a strong relationship between people. If that's so, and your language skills are nil, simply looking them in the eyes, taking their hand, then casting your eyes downward as you say the words for "I'm sorry" should convey what you need.
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

Therapy would be good. You can figure out what the monkey on your back is doing to cause you to act in such a way, and find out how to appease it to avoid future episodes. Honestly, if you're not sure why you snapped, that's your job now...not your reputation, not apologies, not carpet sweeping...your job is to understand yourself and to build up trust in yourself. There's something about your life that you're not coming clean on when it comes to self-honesty. You need to get some help to gain insight.
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

From what I understand of most oriental culture, physical touch is fairly taboo unless there is a strong relationship between people. If that's so, and your language skills are nil, simply looking them in the eyes, taking their hand, then casting your eyes downward as you say the words for "I'm sorry" should convey what you need.
While a sincere apology is needed, there is a lot of work still to do after. I don't want to maek the OP feel worse, but she truly broke her husbands trust as well as possible hurt him professionally. An apology, not matter how heartfelt, will not be enough. She is going to need actions and time to get there. Counseling to figure out what triggered this would help show the steps she is taking.
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

the word unforgivable is totally absurd. Few things fall into that category. Your meltdown isn't on of them.

Apologize, figure out what happened and move on.

Being humble is graceful way to live. Public meltdowns are humbling.
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

So, you demanded that your husband pick you or his job? How on earth are you two supposed to live if he has no job? What caused you to be so insecure that you may have jeopardized his job? What will you two do to support yourselves without an income? Maybe you guys are independently wealthy and don't really need to work? Now that you have give yourself permission to behave this way, you will do it again. You are the ONLY person in this world who dictates how you behave, you have just reached a whole new level with yourself. Is it a fluke, or is it the new you? Only you have the power to decide this. You have likely lost all credibility with anyone who saw you behave this way, a very sincere apology is greatly needed, and like someone else said do NOT try to explain your actions away, thats not apologizing anyway, thats just trying to absolve yourself of any responsibility of your behavior. Own it, and then don't ever do it again!
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

Now that you have give yourself permission to behave this way, you will do it again.

You have likely lost all credibility with anyone who saw you behave this way

These two comments are complete nonsense blowing what one should call a rather large regretful mistake into a fatal event.

Gimme and the OP a breakl with this B.S.

Anyone that cant accept a sincere apology isnt worth keeping around any way.

No one was killed. Lighten up.
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

I'm sorry that happened Molly. Hats off to recognizing the problem and trying to deal with it...one obnoxios poster on this thread alread got banned. :)

Recognition is 1/2 your battle. Try taking out your aggression on something else.....I blast music and clean when I get in one of those moods...or I journal....

Hugz to you...
 

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Re: Public Temper Tantrum

Anyone that cant accept a sincere apology isnt worth keeping around any way.

No one was killed. Lighten up.
A sincere apology does not restore the trust. Trust he had that they were a team. The next time she has something urgent and demands he takes the call, he wil think back to this. If she does not restore the trust, he may decide he needs to chose work over her.

An apology is merely the first step in repairing the damage.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Re: Public Temper Tantrum

So, you demanded that your husband pick you or his job? How on earth are you two supposed to live if he has no job? What caused you to be so insecure that you may have jeopardized his job? What will you two do to support yourselves without an income? Maybe you guys are independently wealthy and don't really need to work? Now that you have give yourself permission to behave this way, you will do it again. You are the ONLY person in this world who dictates how you behave, you have just reached a whole new level with yourself. Is it a fluke, or is it the new you? Only you have the power to decide this. You have likely lost all credibility with anyone who saw you behave this way, a very sincere apology is greatly needed, and like someone else said do NOT try to explain your actions away, thats not apologizing anyway, thats just trying to absolve yourself of any responsibility of your behavior. Own it, and then don't ever do it again!
Perhaps some details will give this more perspective.

My husband left early for work and failed to lock the front door.
I was sitting in my nightwear having coffee and answering emails when 3 men walked in - this room was upstairs.
I was unable to find out who they were or what they wanted.
One man walked in and out of the bedrooms, pointed to the main one, then proceeded to tip the bed on its side, propping it against the wardrobe where my clothes are kept. He stacked 2 chairs and made a small hole in the ceiling.
I was acutely aware of being inadequately dressed and could find only a towel to wrap around myself.

In the meantime, another man went outside and came back with some tools. My household help arrived, contacted the landlord and he arrived shortly afterwards. None of these people speak English. My husband communicates with the landlord in French. It became apparent that he was giving them permission to continue. In the meantime another man was opening and closing the kitchen drawers, whilst the third one disappeared up to the third floor.

I was trying to stop these people as I had a Dr's appointment that I had waited 2 weeks for. Needless to say that I missed it.

After being repeatedly told by my husband's office that he wasn't available, I asked them to tell him that if he didn't come to the phone then I would take it that thejob was more important than his marriage. And I meant that.

Apparently he had made arrangement with the landlord to have some repairs done and to have a ceiling fan fitted. He had not bothered to let me know any of this. Had I known, perhaps I could even have stopped them putting the fan in the wrong room. And I certainly would have dressed for the occasion and arranged it for a day when I didn't have a Dr's appointment.

I was extremely angry and believe that I had every right to be.
My post was not about that, it was about losing control which is not my usual way of with dealing with problems. I was shocked at the extent of my rage (and yes I was also in tears throughout this) and particularly shocked at how I treated my landlord and lady helper. I have never wrenched a drawer from a repairman's hands and thrown it at him before. This is not usual behaviour for me.

We are not wealthy but we are financially independent. Not through luck either, but careful planning for our later years. My husband came out of retirement for this job and it was conditional that he keep some balance between work and home life as he had had problems with priorities in the past. We had serious imbalance for many years.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Re: Public Temper Tantrum

A sincere apology does not restore the trust. Trust he had that they were a team. The next time she has something urgent and demands he takes the call, he wil think back to this. If she does not restore the trust, he may decide he needs to chose work over her.

An apology is merely the first step in repairing the damage.
This team member needs to be kept informed if continued co operation is wanted.

I am not unreasonable or a monster. But I will not accept being invaded in the privacy of my home and believe that I have the right to invite people into my home after they have knocked at the door. And after I have put on a dressing gown or such.
 
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