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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I have not found any story quite like mine yet so i would like to share with you all and see what feedback I get. On Jan 13th of this year my wife of 11 years admitted to having an affair. Here’s the thing it was 8 years ago, and according to her lasted 8-9 months. It was a work affair. One thing is that way back then I not only saw the signs like coming home late leaving early and such but I was told by many that something was going on. I confronted her back then and asked her if anything was going on she denied it I asked her if she would transfer from the location as to stop all the craziness and hurtful things that was swirling around me. Transferring was a simple thing to do for her yet she said that she would do no such thing because she wasn’t going to lose the place she had worked to get to. It would have been a lateral transfer no loss of recognition or status yet she demined it. I chose then to believe her even though there was beyond enough to prove it. It was too painful and my self-image said it was best. I always knew but dealt with it locked behind a door in my mind. There is more but I would like to address the present. She told me over the phone and refused to come home till work was over then when she got home she cried and apologized and swore to do everything and anything to help me and our marriage deal with this. We sought pro counseling and soon ran out of money for that. For 3-4 months after admitting it she did little or nothing while I am desperately seeking answers. She denied my requests to go to our church leaders and finally said she did not care about the situation or any part of it to her it had been 8 years ago and she claims it was the only time. In the time since Jan of this year to now I feel as though our marriage is no longer I have gone through mental hell and our son has endured tension despite efforts to keep it away from him. So just 2 days ago she admitted to purposely dragging her feet in doing her part and looking at herself because she did not want to face herself and feel the hurt it would cause. Am I right in saying she chose herself over me, our son’s right to a whole family, and our marriage. Or do I sit and wait because for the 50th time in 9 months she says she understands and will do more?
 

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I Have Not Found Any Story Quite Like Mine Yet So I Would Like To Share With You All And See What Feedback I Get. On Jan 13th Of This Year My Wife Of 11 Years Admitted To Having An Affair. Here’s The Thing It Was 8 Years Ago, And According To Her Lasted 8-9 Months. It Was A Work Affair. One Thing Is That Way Back Then I Not Only Saw The Signs Like Coming Home Late Leaving Early And Such But I Was Told By Many That Something Was Going On. I Confronted Here Back Then And Asked Her If Anything Was Going On She Denied It I Asked Her If She Would Transfer From The Location As To Stop All The Craziness And Hurtful Things That Was Swirling Around Me. Transferring Was A Simple Thing To Do For Her Yet She Said That She Would Do No Such Thing Because She Wasn’t Going To Lose The Place She Had Worked To Get To. It Would Have Been A Lateral Transfer No Loss Of Recognition Or Status Yet She Demined It. I Chose Then To Believe Her Even Though There Was Beyond Enough To Prove It. It Was Too Painful And My Self Image Said It Was Best. I Always Knew But Dealt With It Locked Behind A Door In My Mind. There Is More But I Would Like To Address The Present. She Told Me Over The Phone And Refused To Come Home Till Work Was Over Then When She Got Home She Cried And Apologized And Swore To Do Everything And Anything To Help Me And Our Marriage Deal With This. We Sought Pro Counseling And Soon Ran Out Of Money For That. For 3-4 Months After Admitting It She Did Little Or Nothing While I Am Desperately Seeking Answers. She denied My Requests To Go To Our Church Leaders And Finally Said She Did Not Care About The Situation Or Any Part Of It To Her It Had Been 8 Years Ago And She Claims It Was The Only Time. In The Time Since Jan Of This Year To Now I Feel As Though Our Marriage Is No Longer I Have Gone Through Mental Hell And Our Son Has Endured Tension Despite Efforts To Keep It Away From Him. So Just 2 Days Ago She Admitted To Purposely Dragging Her Feet In Doing Her Part And Looking At Herself Because She Did Not Want To Face Herself And Feel The Hurt It Would Cause. Am I Right In Saying She Chose Herself Over Me, Our Sons Right To A Whole Family, And Our Marriage. Or Do I Sit And Wait Because For The 50th Time In 9 Months She Says She Understands And Will Do More?
If there was ever a post to prove that the truth ALWAYS comes out, this is it. It seems to me that 8 years of pushing her poor choices under a rug have eaten her alive. I think your wife needs to give you space while you consider what is best for yourself and your son. How old is he? Families should stay together wherever possible, but infidelity and domestic violence are two reasons where this doesn't count. The way I see it she put you at risk of STD's and all that. What about your son? Similar story, my husband lied to me too a thousand times about his shenanigans. He did this to protect me said but in the end it didn't work because it killed our relationship. Have you been to counseling? By yourself or with your wife?
 

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Treysdad, sorry you are in this place but this happened 8 years ago and you have done your suffering, if anyone should be suffering it should be your WW. You need to turn the focus onto yourself, start doing things for yourself, whether it is IC, joining a sports club, etc. Your WW does not seem very repentant, she has dug her heels in. You need to let her know that she is not off the hook and you haven't decided whether you want her in your life or not yet, take your time as you are reliving the shock of what happened through her confession. You need to lay down some rules for her, 1) intensive IC for her 2)complete access to all her electronic equipment, etc. 3) complete disclosure of everything 4) letting this OM's W know of this. You may want MC later but you have to take time to heal and figure out what it is you want, leave her desires, needs out of it.
 

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I'm guessing a computer glitch causes all the capitals.

First off, even when they come clean they usually trickle truth and lie about how bad it was. Did her actions at the time match up with what she admitted to?

Can you stay married to a lying cheat?
 

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Kinda wondering how old the son is...
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Once I saw the words were all capitalized, I couldn't even read it, just amazed that someone would go through the trouble to do that.
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sometimes android phones automatically put the first letter of each word in caps... im not sure why it does it, but it happens. i imagine it was a glitch. i seriously doubt OP did it intentionally.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
My son is 8 just turned 8 in Oct I did demand DNA he is mine. She also says she did not admit it back then in order to protect me. I seem to think it was just more protecting herself, because if she had told me then the work would have had to begin then. She has said it was the best time of her life and it happened over 60 times in 8-9 months.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Again sorry for the grammatical errors as I said I was thinking of other things thanks for your advice on my writing, it helps with my situation a lot. Sincerely treysdad
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Sorry for my writing style I just wasn't thinking about it I was desperate to say anything. I am not sure if I can stay, I have heard a lot of false promises in the last few months. I remember some actions matching up and many folks claiming to have seen touching and such.
 

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What?
She said it was the best time of her life and she 60-80 times
during her 8 month affair? You still wish to stay with her? You have got to be kidding.
Clearly she did not care about putting your health at risk for STD's.
In addition, 60-80 times means that there had to be times that you were with her after she had been with him.
If I read your timeline correctly she was having non stop sex with her lover while she was pregnant with your baby.

If the roles had been reversed I doubt that she would have accepted such humiliation and disrespect from you.

If you do not respect yourself then who will?
 

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I can't see how this could ever work out. If it weren't for your young child, I would say divorce immediately. Even with that situation, I'd say you'll end up there eventually if she doesn't ever accept responsibility for her actions.
 

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My son is 8 just turned 8 in Oct I did demand DNA he is mine. She also says she did not admit it back then in order to protect me. I seem to think it was just more protecting herself, because if she had told me then the work would have had to begin then. She has said it was the best time of her life and it happened over 60 times in 8-9 months.
Bullsh*t.

She was protecting HERSELF.

Please tell me that you're at least (seriously) considering divorce.
 
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