You tell her "You chose to stay with me after my cheating so this has nothing to do with my cheating. Your cheating is the issue today. And I won't stay married to you unless you end your affair. It's your choice. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just telling you what I will do. Which is divorce you if you won't give him up. You've got ten minutes to decide."My wife started talking to a guy that she kept a secret for a while. She met up with him and text him everyday for about a month. Eventually, she told me that she had a friend and the relationship was completely platonic. I didn't understand why or how she could keep this from me for so long, I just knew there was more. She told me that he was married and his wife knew they talked. So I called the wife and told her about my suspicions. She said she knew they talked, but after checking her husbands phone, she said she didn't realize they talked so much. She also thought the talk was pertaining to business.
This situation does not sit well with me at all, especially now that he knows my wife was willing to keep him a secret. My wife says that I've had issues with her having male friends in the past and she didn't know how i'd react, so she didn't tell me.
She has never cheated on me before, but I've cheated on her. Whenever I express my concerns about her continuing this relationship, we end up talking about the dirt that I've done and how that is why I have a problem. What should I do? I don't want to control her, but this does not feel right to me.
OP,OP, between ending your affair and reconciliation with your wife, how open were and accommodating with your wife were you? did you answer her questions...... as truthfully as possible?
Another painful issue are the triggers? I have told my husband he should mindful of things he says and does that can trigger memories of that period when he was carrying on inappropriately with an ex girlfriend.
Have you made an effort to identify triggers with your wife?