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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband filed in July. I have been in denial and not accepting it. We have been married 8yrs and together 12 yrs. We have two kids 3.5 and 7. He says he wants a divorce cuz he will never be able to trust me again. I believe over time that time heals the pain. I am rebuliding the trust but he still says he wont be able to trust me 100%. He wont go to counseling. I think going to counseling will help him deal with not being able to trust me. He says the other issues within the marriage can be resolved but not this one. :( I cant afford a lawyer. He has borrowed money from his brother. I dont qualify for legal aid cuz they take his income cuz we are still inving in the same house. I feel in my heart that he may change his mind and not go thru with this. I have prayed to God and read the bible daily. When I have turned my issues to God in the past he has helped me out. I hope he can help with this one. I am a stay at home mom and if this goes thru I have no income no nothing. He claims he has weight the pros and cons of that.I dont believe that. If he knows that I wont have a income how can he do this to me if he loves me? If anyone has some advise or words of wisdom that would be great!:)
 

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He says he wants a divorce cuz he will never be able to trust me again. I believe over time that time heals the pain. I am rebuliding the trust but he still says he wont be able to trust me 100%.

Why doesn't he trust you ? Did you cheat on him ?
 

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K1,

What caused this to happen?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
When we were sperated I had a bf. When we were dated I did and the 2nd yr of marriage. He says he forgave me for those. he never talked about me braking his trust back then. so,what makes this any different. Also I think he is burned out for some mental health issues I have had since 2009. I lost my dad in 2009 to suicde and I seemed to have spiraled after the loss of him. I feel that my husband is abanding me and not accepting my for my faults.He also says the more I talk about it and fighting the less likely things are to work out. What does that mean? I am confused
 

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So you had a boyfriend during the 2nd year of marriage?

The only advice I have is to not plead and beg. It will just make things worse. Try to be the best you can be. You mention he won't accept you for your faults. Well work on those faults. Show him you want to make things work, but don't push and don't argue.

It would be nice if you could convince him to seek counseling with you. If he says he doesn't trust you 6 years after you had a affair it sounds more like a excuse to leave to me. Otherwise this would have been an issue much sooner then that.
 

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He was busting his a$$ while you sit home and bang your BF !

Why do you want him back ? Because of $$$$$ ? Of course !

I hope he is a man with pants and nuts !
 

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I am a stay at home mom and if this goes thru I have no income no nothing. He claims he has weight the pros and cons of that. I dont believe that. If he knows that I wont have a income how can he do this to me if he loves me?
Because you did this

When we were sperated I had a bf. When we were dated I did and the 2nd yr of marriage.
Your husband deserves someone better, who will always be faithful and loyal.
 

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BigMac said:
Island of the Dumped Spouses
You should come visit sometime. I run a bar on the south side of the island. Though there are some shady characters who frequent the place, BigMac being one of them :D, so be prepared!

And for the ladies I've installed multiple stripper poles. For exercise purposes of course ;)
Though my insurance demands I keep constant watch in case of accidents
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
BigMac-
I want him back cuz we ave 2 kids and I dont want to be a single parent. I was raised by a single parent and it was not pretty. the kids deserve their mom to get healthy and for me to be the best mom I can be.
 

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BigMac-
I want him back cuz we ave 2 kids and I dont want to be a single parent. I was raised by a single parent and it was not pretty. the kids deserve their mom to get healthy and for me to be the best mom I can be.

Why didn't you thought about your kids when you banged your BF ?
 

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BigMac-
I want him back cuz we ave 2 kids and I dont want to be a single parent. I was raised by a single parent and it was not pretty. the kids deserve their mom to get healthy and for me to be the best mom I can be.
Right.

So, forget about your husband and fix yourself.

You are a serial cheater, at the very least.

There comes a point in everyone's life where they must grow up.

Looks like your time has come.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
@ Nowhwere-
When he and I dated 12 yrs ago,I havebeen unfaithful and in our 2nd yr of marriage as well. He forgave me for those at never at that time did he mention anything about me breaking trust and that he would never be able to trust me again? But now it seems to be a big issue ? I dont get it.

I think he is afraid of working on the pain and hurt that I have caused him and dealing with some innercore issues that he might have. He says he is fearful I would be unfaithful again. I told him that is old behavior and I have learned from my mistakes. He makes me feel like I am a horrible person for what I did....I keep telling him not to dwelll on the past. The past is the past and it cant be changesd. I tell him to focus on thepresent moment and dont look too far in the future. I feel lke he is making excuses to want out of this marriage. If he leaves this marriage he leave me and the kids. I feel he would abandone me and the kids. I would find it very hard to reamin friends with him.I would have hatred for him. I feel be him filing papers has made the situation worse than the actions I did. I feel he is putting a wedge in this family that does not need to be. Alot of marriages have bumps in the road and they get thru them. Why cant he?
 

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He is afraid because you won't stop ... EVER !

He forgave you twice hopping you'll change , respect him and won't do it again !

And to be thankful for his trust and love what did you do ? Cheated again !

Hope your BFs will help you out with your kids !
 

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So what happened leading up to July? He just out of the blue one day filed divorce papers? Are you doing anything now to work on your mental health issues?

Your best chance to turn things around now is to show that you're serious about taking ownership of your issues, and working to resolve them.

C
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
HappyKaty-
Yes I am in counseling. I have made inprovements already. I think that the meds that I have been on played a part in what I did.they clouded my thinking.I have this disorder where the person can be impulsive,reckless,emotionally disregrelated,verbally and emotionally abusive.I have not done this behavior since I have started counseling and I will continue not to do this. I have begain weaning off my meds and I am feeling better than ever!
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Pbear-
He had metioned that he wanted a divorce in March. I knew he wasnt able to do that cuz he could not afford it. But he asked his brother for money. How sad is that ? Yes,for my MH issues I go to counseling once a week and I attend a depression support grp once a week
 

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HappyKaty-
Yes I am in counseling. I have made inprovements already. I think that the meds that I have been on played a part in what I did.they clouded my thinking.I have this disorder where the person can be impulsive,reckless,emotionally disregrelated,verbally and emotionally abusive.I have not done this behavior since I have started counseling and I will continue not to do this. I have begain weaning off my meds and I am feeling better than ever!
That's great!

Continue to focus on you.

Begging for him to give your marriage a chance is only going to push him further away.

He has to see the changes you've made, but please believe YOU will never be able to make him see it.

Your actions will prove it.

Love yourself and your children.

The rest will fall in place.
 

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Pbear-
He had metioned that he wanted a divorce in March. I knew he wasnt able to do that cuz he could not afford it. But he asked his brother for money. How sad is that ? Yes,for my MH issues I go to counseling once a week and I attend a depression support grp once a week
My point is, what led up to him deciding he wanted a divorce? Was there a fight? An incident? Or did he just say it out of the blue one day?

BTW, you should also investigate your own legal counsel. Look for free services like Legal Aid, or law school services. Start figuring out what your rights are, if the divorce does go through. Don't let him think that he can just walk away without meeting his responsibilities.

And have you checked to make sure there's not someone else in the picture?

C
 
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