HE went ballistic on the employee texting his wife who was just a friend. Perhaps a lurker, but seemed to be an honest friend. He even fired the dude. I don't think he's some weenie beta male, if there is such a thing. He's a guy that had his whole life crushed in an instant. He was unprepared and it makes a person do strange things--- it did me. My ex-wife thinks I'm overly "alpha". I would agree-- with everyone but her. I suspect it's that way with DG.
Now that I'm on the down slope, I don't think even if the ex wanted to reconcile, I'd ever consider it. She was a low-class, low-character, shiftless snake in the grass. I always knew she was a liar. I don't think she'll ever change and I'd never be foolish enough to trust her completely, nor think she actually loved me before or after.
I'd think about her cheating ways the rest of my life. I'm glad she's gone and will be happier when my kids are grown and I don't have to deal with her. She's never showed one smidgen of remorse whatsoever.

I think Wishes may be remorseful. If so, I do think they can remarry. But,in my opinion, this will be a black cloud that will hang over this man the rest of his life.

 

I agree largely in part but diagree in part regarding DG. Look I don't like the terms alpha and beta anyway.

One of the biggest things I see on this board and in real life is that guys can be 'Alpha' outside of their relationship and 'Beta' inside of it. I know many tough guys who cower to their wives but will be the first one to try and intimidate others. hell, I work with a bunch of them.

DG, in his entire thread, took a bunch of crap from his wife and daughters and had to be implored much of the time to be decisive and fight back. He had no problem kicking the OM's ass when attacked but when dealing with Wishes, he had his 'Beta" moments. Then later on after he found his spunk and divorced her, he turned to self blame which is another beta move.

Noone ever said this infidelity crap is easy and can't bring even the strongest people to their knees. However, his recent fall to self blame is not a sign of strength.

 

At this point, I do not believe for one minute that they truly "love each other". DoneGone is remembering the good ole days, and Wishes is trying to make her wishes come true!

 

I agree with this completely

 

This thread is almost 900 posts deep and we still don't know Wishes side of the story.

 

Would be nice. I'm not sure she even knows.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Wishes,
Let me raise a white flag before saying anything, just so you would know I mean to help and not troll or hurt you. You must understand TAM is like a great Sea to every wayward that comes here, it is a journey they take towards the shores of true remorse and self improvement and ultimately renewed hope that you desperately
crave. Your reaction to a lot of the replies you got here is somewhat warranted but definetly expected, but you must know wishes that among the tides of hurt you recieve, there are small waves and even calm waters with the sole purpose of helping you, so yes wishes my advise is that you ride this sea of TAM, and it is a changing sea with strong stormy tides and then light comfy waves that please and lift you slightly with comfort. Your sole mission is to remain afloat wishes, your boat that carries you is your self, your the captain and like a sailor who attends to his and works on his boat all the time in the midst of his journey to carry him to the shore, so should you wishes. When ever your faced with a terrible strong tide, lets say a hurtfull post from a troll or simply a projection from a BS, take it, learn from it what you want and maneuver from it sailing towards calmer waves, I say waves and not calm waters wishes because you need the 2x4s sometimes but even then you will sometimes find yourself within calm peacefull waters with a light breeze and shining Sun and you'll feel proud of what you endured and deserved and reinvigorated to continue the journey knowing more will come.
Don't let those tides wash upon and fully consume you or you'll sink, and you have been sinking wishes by your recent posts, your defense, which don't get me wrong is warranted, is detracting from your journey and is taking you back where you started or nowhere at all. You must reroute to addressing your issues, speaking to all of us of what you have achieved in becomming better and what you plan to further do and how we can support and encourage you.
To start you must be honest to the fullest you must start by telling us your side because alot of things have become somewhat conflicted and is confusing us, alot of the posters here want nothing but to help, they seek no gain from your tragedy, they're willing to go out of thier ways, give their time to help.
Honesty wishes is important, so let us start this journey again.
Here is a little something that might get you to recommunicate, I've noticed some conflicting facts that you need to iron through. I've read all your posts and I'm focusing on the parts where you mention your husband (or now x-husband):

​
I cannot say I was unhappy because, before the affair, I was happy nearly all the time. I can’t say that it “just happened.” It didn’t. I allowed it to happen/QUOTE]

​
My husband was so good to me, loved and pampered me to such extremes, I cannot believe I did this to him. We were together over 25 years and he was the most loving and caring person I have ever met and the first person to love me unconditionally. I love him with all my heart and always will but I still cheated on him./QUOTE]

​
I’ve lost a husband who literally worshipped the ground I walked on/QUOTE]

​
I had a perfect, wonderful and blessed life that for some reason I felt I had to completely trash. My husband was perfect in every way imaginable. He was faithful true and kind to the fullest extent. /QUOTE]

​
I was not looking for love or sex, my husband gave me an abundancy of both.../QUOTE]

​
My now X-husband is a beautiful person, a wonderful man and a great father and yet, I cheated on him anyway./QUOTE]

​
This is a problem. My marriage was almost perfect. My husband? Well, I would have to think hard and long to come up with a flaw. He is the product of very good parenting, a very gently nature and forgiving spirit. I am the one who brought baggage into the relationship and he never really seemed to notice./QUOTE]

​
You are so "right on" it is almost surreal. You said something at the very beginning of my post that affected me in the same way. My husband was always so much better than me and he had this way of making me think he thought I was better than him/QUOTE]

So wishes after all these, you have recently started quoting these that do not agree to some extent to the above and somewhat show a change that is leaning on blame-shifting (although you are taking responsibility but still):

​
There are two sides to every story, and then there’s the truth; however, nothing I can say is going to be a mitigating factor that will excuse or justify my betrayal of my husband. Regardless my circumstances, there is no argument that I could give that should result in reduced charges or a lesser sentence. But, even as I admit I deserve what I got, still, there are silent “other thoughts” hanging on the end of that sentence, invisible, but still there/QUOTE]

​
In no way does that detract from, discount, dilute, or decrease my responsibility for my behavior, however, most people's opinion of me on this forum have been shaped by what they have read on SI, and possibly, your own. But there are two sides to every story./QUOTE]

​
I had been seeing a therapist 6 months before any of the texting problems. I had never been able to get ex-husband to go to therapy with me, even though, he was the reason I was there.
I will not go deeper into that because it will be interpreted as rug sweeping. I take responsibility for what I did./QUOTE]

​
I needed BH to understand what he had done to me. I knew the marriage was over, emails or no emails. The marriage was over. He wanted the emails, I wanted him to speak with my therapist. So, I offered him the emails if he would go to therapy with me. I was not trying to stonewall. I knew the marriage was over. I only wanted him to understand what he had done to me./QUOTE]

You see wishes, the change in description of your marriage and husband. The posters want to help, but they can't fully do that if you don't tell your side honestly and completely from the beggining.
I hate to bring things from the other thread, but now even your husband is blaming himself and saying how bad he has been towards you ( which is also a change from what he wrote in his posts about the marriage), i will not quote him because this is not his thread and it is not about him. This is about you. It does not make sense. The only logical explanation is that one of you or both of you is not being honest about the marriage. Trying to regain hope (I will not mention reconcilitaion just yet) this way is not the correct course for healing, for both of you. Even though any reason does not justify cheating, its vital to know these reasons and attempt to fix them, for you and not your marriage.
Tell us your side from the start, the cheating, betrayal is done and done, you are divorced and remorseful, you've paid the price, now the healing part for you (and him) starts with honesty and stating the facts completely and clearly.
I hope you all the best wishes, if you ever come back here or don't, remember this Sea is never going anywhere, whenever you want to sail again, bring your boat (true self), beleive me the other shore is worth it!
P.S english is my 2nd language so sorry about the lack of paragraphs, i always had issues with that to the continous dismay of my english teacher a long time ago, i guess i never learned:laugh:

 

P.S english is my 2nd language so sorry about the lack of paragraphs, i always had issues with that to the continous dismay of my english teacher a long time ago, i guess i never learned:laugh:

I wouldn't fret. You articulated yourself perfectly in my opinion.

 

Well thought out ONE TIME TOO MANY.

on't know if she will be back though. I followed the DG thread a while on SI but let it go when the crap all started about her refusing the passwords to the computers and him refusing to just take them to an expert and get into them himself since he had them on his possession.
So i am not an expert on any of it .

All I know is resentment can be a factor in cheating, but sorry, giving up one guiy friend is not excuse to do what she did to the extent she did it. there has to be more.

who knows??? Only they do

 

Well thought out ONE TIME TOO MANY.

on't know if she will be back though. I followed the DG thread a while on SI but let it go when the crap all started about her refusing the passwords to the computers and him refusing to just take them to an expert and get into them himself since he had them on his possession.
So i am not an expert on any of it .

All I know is resentment can be a factor in cheating, but sorry, giving up one guiy friend is not excuse to do what she did to the extent she did it. there has to be more.

who knows??? Only they do

This is a safe assumption.

If she wants to share she will.

 

People should stop putting any more time or effort into this thread. You all served your purpose, you ignorant plebs.

 

We cannot always know why information is shared or withheld. It would be best not to assume the intent behind sharing or not sharing.

 

Well, I avoided posting here because I felt inadequate to dispense advice on the matter of chance of getting back together after infidelity.

One should really read both stories to get somewhat of a complete picture.

Wishes, I feel quite sad for you and your ex H, for different reasons. I'm sorry if you felt insulted here, but it takes quite a thick skin to come here. I am not active on the other forum, because I prefer the way advice is dispensed here.

I think the thing that saddens me the most is that neither of you seem capable of living without the other. Your ex H was quite adamant about protecting you. Part of me knows this is further testament to his impeccable nature that was often described, but part of me knows it's a sign he cannot let you handle things alone. To be a healthy individual, I believe it's essential you learn how to cope alone, in all respects, for as long is needed, so that you can believe it is possible.

I would say the same to your H.

Good luck for the future.

 

As stated, this thread was brought forth by her for one reason: to get her ex husband to interact with her. She posted nothing whatsoever that was honest and complete about her relationship with her ex, or the OM.

She has been doling out info for the sole purpose of getting her ex's attention.

The more I think about it, the more manipulative she appears to be. And she us good at it. She's no dummy, for sure.

In all her posts, she has not posted one single reason for her cheating.
She didn't post anything that might be misunderstood as negative about her husband for obvious reasons.

She won't be back, and never came hear but to get help in ensnaring her ex, which she has successfully manipulated into thinking things are all his fault.

I hope everything turns out ok, but the more I think about it, the more I think there's an obvious integrity problem with this woman which she won't address, and apparently not even she can explain a reasonable explanation for the flaw.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Sorry Wishs..... to some its so easy to see through

We aren't your husband I'm afraid


ADD

Go read L.H. thread and see how one of the very very very few women react when they are truly remorseful when they post

She is one of only a handful I would go out of my way to help

.

 

This is all assuming she knew of his thread and would think some one would tie hers and her ex husbands together. I'm a bit annoyed some one linked her ex husbands thread like in the third page which clammed her up. I know it's the Internet but I truly wish people would be more mindful when exposing BS threads to WS. If it were a WH finding their BW through some one linking it. I'm sure more people would of been upset and vocal about it.

 

Don't get all reasonable on us! We're all here to bash wishes and make her pay for our own WS sins!

 

Just to restate the obvious - there is a real family behind this and at least two sides of the story. I'm sure it's not neat and tidy and all one person's fault. And I think the constant jabs and joking is actually pretty low and disturbing. I've been here only a short while - relative to long time TAM people - and this thread is a sad commentary on the TAM community. Just my $.02 - feel free to start up again now.

 

I change my mind.

 

Despite your "low IQ" what are you bring to this thread?

7 inches?

 

OneTimeTooMany

I also think that was a very real post. Thank you for asking honest questions. OneTimeTooMany, this reply is not directed at you personally.

My reply is that there is no conflict in my posts. There does seem to be, however, a conflict in the interest of posters on this forum. I posted my story, my heart, my hurt, my pain…but you are only interested in DoneGone's story, his heart, his hurt, his pain. Get it? I posted that there are two sides to this story because most of you have only been interested in DG’s side of the story. Are you in denial? Do some reading.

And before you claim that you gave me a chance to tell my side of the story, read again. Do some review. You asked me to give my side of the story so you could compare it to DoneGone’s version to see if I were lying or not. Being that DG wrote his while it was happening and I am writing a year later, I believe that puts me in a losing situation and will only give you more ammunition to use on me. Plus, you let me know that any inconsistency between my and his story would prove I am a liar.
So, I am telling you there are two sides to this story and then there is the truth, somewhere in the middle. There is no conflict here. DoneGone probably received a lot of therapy when he read your postings to me. I would say that is a conflict in interest,

 

OneTimeTooMany

I also think that was a very real post. Thank you for asking honest questions. OneTimeTooMany, this reply is not directed at you personally.

My reply is that there is not conflict in my posts. There does seem to be, however, a conflict in the interest of posters on this forum. I posted my story, my heart, my hurt, my pain…but you are only interested in DoneGone's story, his heart, his hurt, his pain. Get it? I posted that there are two sides to this story because most of you have only been interested in DG’s side of the story. Are you in denial? Do some reading.

And before you claim that you gave me a chance to tell my side of the story, read again. Do some review. You asked me to give my side of the story so you could compare it to DoneGone’s version to see if I were lying or not. Being that DG wrote his while it was happening and I am writing a year later, I believe that puts me in a losing situation and will only give you more ammunition to use on me. Plus, you let me know that any inconsistency between my and his story would prove I am a liar.
So, I am telling you there are two sides to this story and then there is the truth, somewhere in the middle. There is no conflict here. DoneGone probably received a lot of therapy when he read your postings to me. I would say that is a conflict in interest,

The part I bolded is a good stretch.:frown2:



The way you post, you seem to think everyone is against you and that we are all extreme-right thinkers.

I am neither.

 

As the poster points out,your characterizationz of your husband' s role in your marriage and his role in your dissatisfaction are not consistent.
And,it seems that he was justified in not appreciating hour excessive texting with an earlier male contact,as,ultimately, you did start messing around with a guy.

 

It is not the first time you have said I did not do my reading. :smile2: but I have.

But even then. The paranoia permeates the single post that I quoted.

There have been quite a few people that have supported you on this thread, even at least one, offering a personal sounding board for you.

Just don't kill it again today! :x

 

Wishes, I've not read anything outside of TAM. I have no desire to do so. If your only purpose in creating this thread is to ask if you have any chance of getting your husband back I would say you've received your answer a long time ago. In that case I might suggest either stop posting or have a mod close this thread. If as I suspect, on the other hand, you actually would like advice on other aspects of your marriage, your affair, your relationship post divorce etc then I for one would be happy to help in any way I can. As I've posted in another thread there is no excuse for infidelity but there is usually an underlying current of miscommunication and some unmet needs at the very least that sets the groundwork for infidelity to occur. So if you are seeking help in order to heal I would encourage you to open up about the problems you perceived in your marriage pre affair, not to bash or otherwise denigrate your husband but to work through how those issues came to be at a level that caused the eventual destruction of the marriage. Again, I have not read anything other than what you've written here and have no preconceived ideas that would bias my thoughts.

 

Wishes if you post on SI please remember they're extremely manipulative behind the scenes. I was told that 'I am not permitted to discuss divorce', which I kindly told the guy to go **** himself. People come to these places for a variety of consensuses, not to assuage the conscious of a guy who was cuckolded by someone who looks like a hairless Grimace from those McDonalds commercials.

Where am I going with this? If you want to talk to your husband I do not see these forums being conducive to a direct connection between you too. All of these forums have their biases.

You need connection, not advice, at this stage. Lock yourself in a room with him with a few bottles of wine and let it flow.

 

I wouldn't worry. He's going to take you back. I'd bet my next paycheck.
Since I am a betrayed spouse, I'm thinking he feels that for the rest of his days, he is not going to be good enough-- always second best in bed.
That you obviously don't need him. That you may find thst perfect guy tomorrow and be off again.
He has no sense of security anymore In the marriage.

You wiukd have to spend years treating him like you loved him like he was the greatest thing since sliced bread, to make him feel semi- secure again.

Why are you sorry? Why do you now want your husband? If you get him back, would you go back to wanting something more!
Why?

Anyway, he's yours. He never wanted to leave.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Just when the thread is dying down on both the site , DG started some more drama in SI.

People should be wary about indulging these couple.

Her logic is people won't believe me("not you though"). Then why the heck did you start posting in the first place ? Lots of words but zero content or substance and antagonizing the posters.

At this point, I will take bandit's route and consider both of them as trolls trolling for attention. Posting on different forums is a very good way to cause drama(forum fights) and also skip the troll detector.

 

@Wishes

Ok. I had to check out SI to get more insight.

Your ex explained a lot and owned some of his shyt.

Please open up and overcome your fear.

It sounds like it was your fear of standing up to your husband that led to becoming entangled with a moron.

It is unhealthy and a good time to overcome it.

I have a better picture of you now and you could provide a better one.

Please don't make me scan SI to talk to you.

I want to talk to you here.

Your actions aren't excusable but understanding the dynamics of where you were at and what happened are vital.

You need to overcome your fear. I know this will be hard because you can't even trust yourself now.

It is necessary though.

I am truly sorry for your situation and how terribly you responded to it.

Overcoming your fears is a needed step. I am sincerely hopeful for your recovery.

Was some of your trash talking towards your then BH do to unresolved anger about marital issues?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

@Wishes

Ok. I had to check out SI to get more insight.

Your ex explained a lot and owned some of his shyt.

Please open up and overcome your fear.

It sounds like it was your fear of standing up to your husband that led to becoming entangled with a moron

It is unhealthy and a good time to overcome it.

I have a better picture of you now and you could provide a better one.

Please don't make me scan SI to talk to you.

I want to talk to you here.

Your actions aren't excusable but understanding the dynamics of where you were at and what happened are vital.

You need to overcome your fear. I know this will be hard because you can't even trust yourself now.

It is necessary though.

I am truly sorry for your situation and how terribly you responded to it.

Overcoming your fears is a needed step. I am sincerely hopeful for your recovery.

Was some of your trash talking towards your then BH do to unresolved anger about marital issues?
Posted via Mobile Device

It sounds like it was your fear of standing up to your husband that led to becoming entangled with a moron.

The fear I experienced with my husband was a fear of falling short and disappointing him. I learned nothing about the outside world while growing up. I lived my childhood and adolescence hid out in my room. Whenever I was not in my room, I was in danger and sometimes bad things happened. My dad was extremely abusive and my mother was beat down and brainwashed.
When I left for college, I spent my freshman year pretty much like the first 18 years of my life; go to class, go to work, go to my room.
My sophomore year, I met my husband, or better to say, my husband met me and my world changed and was never again the same as it had been.
So he was my world. He was my moral compass as to what was right and wrong, he was my tour guide through life. Pleasing him was not only the only thing I wanted to do, it was the only thing I knew how to do.
When everything came tumbling down, it was not because of my fear to stand up to my husband, it was that I had stood up to my husband and all fell on deaf ears. He had a sense of right and wrong that was inalterable. What was right for him had to be right for me. This is where our relationship developed cracks.

Was some of your trash talking towards your then BH do to unresolved anger about marital issues?

It is difficult to answer this because I am not sure what the answer is. I was hugely disappointed in my husband but at battle with myself. He was my rock, anchor and support. I had invested the entirety of me in him, and just like that, everything changed and I didn't know what was real anymore.

I did what I did, eyes wide open. It was no accident, it was more a game that turned very serious. I never intended it to go as far as it did, but it did.

 

Now that you are opening up some more, it's easier to see where you are in all this. DG is taunting you with his new relationship while still trying to win you back? That's just messed up.

 

Wishes weather or not you are following my advise

It is apparent that you are in fact human.

Yes I am proud of your owning your **** and seems you have made progress.

The fact that DG seems to be wanting to punish and further hurt you is very sad.

After all he claims he did not want to but had to D you

In reading his two threads I would have never imagined he would do this.

The point is you have made progress not just running to him even if that's all you want is to be together again.

Wishes the best thing God ever made is another day.

Keep posting you are gaining ground to healing.

And possibly R

55

 

Wishes, I only wrote to you once, on the subject of living with integrity. Sadly it came in the middle of the cross fire. From what you write today it sounds like you are asking great questions and making great strides toward self knowledge and integration, which is the foundation of integrity. Keep on bravely.

 

Thank you for your transparency, @Wishes.

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