I had the same thoughts. I'd also ask about masturbation. Sounds like OP does it way too much and too hard, which is why he doesn't seem to get enough stimulation from normal sex with partner to ejaculate.are you saying that you have not had sex for a number of years because of YOU, and your lack of engaging in sex because you couldn't orgasm? Did YOU back off from a mutual sex life with her because of your libido and performance issues? Have you had any discussions about that with her from the start of those issues...did you ever try anything else besides stopping sex? If your only problem was orgasming, why did you allow all sexual contact to stop?
You THINK she prefers no sex...have you ever ASKED her??
OP, I don't think it's fair for you to put all this on your wife. *It's possible that you may have created these issues, yet you are looking to cheat. If so, maybe stop trying to take the easy way out.