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are you saying that you have not had sex for a number of years because of YOU, and your lack of engaging in sex because you couldn't orgasm? Did YOU back off from a mutual sex life with her because of your libido and performance issues? Have you had any discussions about that with her from the start of those issues...did you ever try anything else besides stopping sex? If your only problem was orgasming, why did you allow all sexual contact to stop?

You THINK she prefers no sex...have you ever ASKED her??
I had the same thoughts. I'd also ask about masturbation. Sounds like OP does it way too much and too hard, which is why he doesn't seem to get enough stimulation from normal sex with partner to ejaculate.

OP, I don't think it's fair for you to put all this on your wife. *It's possible that you may have created these issues, yet you are looking to cheat. If so, maybe stop trying to take the easy way out.
 

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I had the same thoughts. I'd also ask about masturbation. Sounds like OP does it way too much and too hard, which is why he doesn't seem to get enough stimulation from normal sex with partner to ejaculate.
I've been on antidepressants... I could definitely have an orgasm masturbating, but not with sex. I guess it depends on the physical stimulation. With masturbation, you can be more precise, applying pressure where you need it most.
 

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Duty sex is better than no sex. She should be willing to accommodate your needs. If you were disabled and bedridden, would you wipe your butt for you if you couldn't do it? I'd bet she would. Having sex should be much less of a duty. If can interfere with ejaculation?
No,,,not for me it isn't....And I presume a lot of others....

Saying duty sex is better than no sex is equivalent to saying its better for a guy to be an orbiter or ****, than to have no female attention at all...I'd never want to or be compelled to give sex to a woman I didn't want to(I have been in that situation before), and wouldn't want the opposite either....Sex isn't like a bodily function, the emotions involved with real sexual attraction are very complex and if they aren't there and it's clearly not what the person willingly wants, it starts to become something of a lower level rape, in the sense that the other person is doing it only because they feel compelled or pressured........I know that is extreme, but that's kind of my opinion on it....
 

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Duty sex will help with BBS (blue balls syndrome). No sex will not. I'm not suggesting that duty sex is a suitable replacement. I'm suggesting what I said: Duty sex is better than no sex. I didn't say it is as much fun or as rewarding. If you don't like duty sex, don't do it.
 

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Making love doesn't have to include PIV at all.
(Now that I understand what PIV is)...I still don't understand what it is your are saying. Maybe it's just the semantics of the term "making love". If there is some other way to get the same feeling as has having an orgasm while my penis is fully inserted in my wife's vagina...please, please tell me what it is (I'm not being sarcastic...I really would like to know alternatives that can even come close to the same feeling that I remember having when I am so intimately in contact with her. In the past we experimented with oral sex but she has big problems with it. Because of that, even if she attempts it, all I can think about is her discomfort and disdain while doing it and so I can't get to an orgasm.
 

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She can probably fix her pain issues with HRT therapy. My wife used to have pain. After hysterectomy and getting on HRT it is gone and she is always game. Physical intimacy is important to both of us thankfully. If my wife chose to withhold from me it is a deal breaker that i consider sexually immoral. I have also told her if i became impotent, i would have implant surgery to fix the issue.
I think she tried something like that but I'm not sure it was HRT therapy. I think it was estrogen pills and later estrogen cream she tried???. As I remember there was some side affect she didn't like and since she's totally lost interest in sex herself, it seems she's not willing to put up with a lot of negative side affects. I'll ask her about this.
 

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There are huge double standards going on here. OP has deprived his wife of intimacy for years due to his medication. Now that he might be able to oblige she has to be excited and switch it on and suddenly she had better meet his needs ( according to many male posters , 🙄) . You think she was a robot the last few years with no sex? She probably had to shut down that side of herself completely. OP’s dismissive oh she wasnt into it much anyhow, so suddenly now she will be cause he can get it up? Some of you posters trot out the same old ********. Please consider both sides of the situation and be a little more sensitive! pfft

incidentally, OP when you were not fulfilling your wife’s needs in that dept did she sit you down and tell you considering you are inadequate in that dept, I think I’ll have an affair? Naw I didn’t think so, you make me sick! Did you provide any other forms of sexual intimacy apart from a hard penis? Naw I didn’t think so! But now cause yiu can raise the flag pole she must jump for joy 🙄🤔
 

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Have you had your Estrogen level checked?
Last time I used ADs was 13 years ago. I went through a phase of depression when things were going wrong in my marriage. I've haven't used them for ages. We don't have sex anymore, so it doesn't matter. And I'm not depressed. Looking forward to my freedom from all that sh!t and the marriage... :)
 

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There are huge double standards going on here. OP has deprived his wife of intimacy for years due to his medication. Now that he might be able to oblige she has to be excited and switch it on and suddenly she had better meet his needs ( according to many male posters , 🙄) . You think she was a robot the last few years with no sex? She probably had to shut down that side of herself completely. OP’s dismissive oh she wasnt into it much anyhow, so suddenly now she will be cause he can get it up? Some of you posters trot out the same old ****. Please consider both sides of the situation and be a little more sensitive! pfft

incidentally, OP when you were not fulfilling your wife’s needs in that dept did she sit you down and tell you considering you are inadequate in that dept, I think I’ll have an affair? Naw I didn’t think so, you make me sick! Did you provide any other forms of sexual intimacy apart from a hard penis? Naw I didn’t think so! But now cause yiu can raise the flag pole she must jump for joy 🙄🤔
I think she wasn't much into sex before his depression meds came into their lives (if I read correctly).

Looks like he married an LD wife. By their age, she may very well be going through menopause so any libido left at this point is practically non-existent.

...and also due to his age, he seems to be going through Andropause. Hence his inner turmoil regarding sex and even entertaining fantasies about having an affair.

This marriage is in crisis. They need professional help or their marriage will become a casualty and not a success. I'm glad he came here for help before he runs out and finds a POSOW that will only further destroy him as a man.
 
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I think she tried something like that but I'm not sure it was HRT therapy. I think it was estrogen pills and later estrogen cream she tried???. As I remember there was some side affect she didn't like and since she's totally lost interest in sex herself, it seems she's not willing to put up with a lot of negative side affects. I'll ask her about this.
My wife has had no negative side effects per say. The testosterone cream does propote hair growth. A woman needs more that Estrogen. The Specialiat that done my wifes hystorectomy said she will need Estrogen(takes Estrodial under tongue) progesterone cream and testosterone cream. She said some Dr will tell you since hystorectomy she does not need Progesterone. She said BS. It does much more than regulate periods and come into play during pregnancy. If the Dr tells her that find another one. The Specialist that said this was tge Chief Oncoligist over the Women's Cancer Center at Baylor Medical Center in Dallas. She is the most specialized Dr for Women's issues we have been to so i tend to go with her treatment.
 

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(Now that I understand what PIV is)...I still don't understand what it is your are saying. Maybe it's just the semantics of the term "making love". If there is some other way to get the same feeling as has having an orgasm while my penis is fully inserted in my wife's vagina...please, please tell me what it is (I'm not being sarcastic...I really would like to know alternatives that can even come close to the same feeling that I remember having when I am so intimately in contact with her. In the past we experimented with oral sex but she has big problems with it. Because of that, even if she attempts it, all I can think about is her discomfort and disdain while doing it and so I can't get to an orgasm.
What I mean is, there are many ways to touch eachother sexually and intimately, and bring eachother pleasure and orgasms, that don't include a man putting his penis in his partner's vagina.

I cannot understand why the entire act of sexual expression between two people who love eachother would ever stop just because penetration cannot happen. Sometimes you don't even need PIV to have an amazing encounter that you remember forever!!!
 

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I too blame it on the depression meds.

The sexual intimacy process starts first in the mind.
Anti-anxiety medications tone down the mind and its pathway to your groin.

Any new girlfriend must be fooled into thinking you came.
When finishing and rolling off, an empty condom will be a dead dik giveaway.

Going condom-less may work a few times, but, that opens up the possibility of catching some STD.

Get divorced before dating anyone new.
 

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Please have your prostate checked out.

The vast majority of semen comes from it, not from your testes.

There could be some nerve damage in your prostate that it not responsive to normal jiggling action.
Or, some medication dulls those same nerves there, as it does between the ears.

Beat that advice...

Ooops, wrong phrase.



The Typist-
 

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I cannot understand why the entire act of sexual expression between two people who love eachother would ever stop just because penetration cannot happen. Sometimes you don't even need PIV to have an amazing encounter that you remember forever!!!
That's because you are a woman....:p

The reason that ED meds are a billion dollar industry, is because for men, it is kinda all about the PIV...And for the record, BTW, I've never been with a woman that didn't feel the same way...TBH, if I ever had any ED issues and meds couldn't cure it, then I would probably opt out of sex altogether...can't say that with 100% certainty, but I can say it would be like 99%...

Just the embarrassment and humiliation alone would be enough to retire and be happy I had all the years I did.

Mileage may vary, of course..
 
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