No sex? She's just not attracted to you anymore or you're bad at it

4249 Views 23 Replies 20 Participants Last post by needguidance, Nov 4, 2012

Adex

Discussion Starter · Oct 29, 2012

If your woman doesn't want to have sex with you, she's either not attracted to you sexually anymore or you're just bad at sex.

I've read about how a lot of husbands on here don't get enough sex. Maybe you last only a minute in actual intercourse. Maybe you don't go fast and hard enough to give her an orgasm. Maybe you're horrible at cunnilingus. Or maybe you just got fat or smell bad and it's a turnoff.

I'm of the opinion that even if there is resentment or anger on her part, a woman will still have sex with you if she's still attracted to you and you're decent at sex.

I also agree with some opinions on this board that the more you man up and become more alpha, the more your wife will want you and find you attractive sexually. This plays a part in it. Opinions?

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MrsOldNews

· #2 · Oct 29, 2012

You forgot the part where she doesn't want sex with you because she's getting it elsewhere

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hookares

· #3 · Oct 29, 2012

One thing that I have discovered since my divorce is that not all women are attuned to having an enjoyable sexual encounter simply because they think it has to be provided to them sans any effort from them. The women I have been with the last two yeas have been treated courteously and have had everything provided for them by me when we date.
With some, the dates have gone well and there was considerable sex once we got to know each other.
Some were very active, and some were waiting for somebody else to come along.
My ex feigned every health issue in the book to limit our intimacies
and later confessed that she never loved me nor was "in love with me". It appears that she, too has problems finding somebody to "love" since she has been with more guys than I have had dates since we split. The most I can say for her is that she at least seems to know their names, now.
With me, I was merely a provider for her and her children.

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barcafan

· #4 · Oct 29, 2012 (Edited)

I have to say I agree to a certain extent...the amount of times I've read "I clean the house, I cook, I do the dishes, I go shopping, I do laundry, I listen to and cater to her needs...but my wife won't have sex with me!!!"......blah.....like dude...man the fvck up!!! You sound like the perfect housewife lol!
Most guys, including myself, have the tendency to hand over our balls to a woman but I think it's important to be aware and actively try and put a stop to it.

Reactions: 1

PBear

· #5 · Oct 29, 2012

Thoughts of some things that have nothing to do with a lover's attractiveness or abilities...

Artificial influences, like birth control medications
Aging/natural physical changes
Mental/emotional issues, including self esteem
Depression

This was a list I came up with at the end of my marriage as possible reasons... I could just be deluding myself, though.

C

Reactions: 2

homebuilder

· #6 · Oct 29, 2012

I'm pretty good at oral doesn't matter when she only let's me do itcouple times a year
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Michael A. Brown

· #7 · Oct 29, 2012

There are so many reasons why some women do feel this thing.

Horsa

· #8 · Oct 29, 2012

Attraction does make senses in most cases. And everyone can learn to be a good lover, if they wanted to learn.
How do you keep the attraction is the key for happy long term relationship.
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Mavash.

· #9 · Oct 29, 2012

PBear said:
Thoughts of some things that have nothing to do with a lover's attractiveness or abilities...

Artificial influences, like birth control medications
Aging/natural physical changes
Mental/emotional issues, including self esteem
Depression

This was a list I came up with at the end of my marriage as possible reasons... I could just be deluding myself, though.

C

I agree with this. There are MANY reasons why both men and women aren't interested in sex. I can add in abusive childhoods, religious shame, guilt from parents, etc.

needguidance

· #10 · Oct 29, 2012 (Edited)

I agree with partially. I am very good at cunninglingus on my W, she's never complained about my crotch and niether has another other woman before her, Can't remember the last time she hasn't had an orgasm. Definitely hasn't gotten me more sex. You would think that satisfaction would increase frequency? Wrong! I think I'm an attractive guy. My W said she is still sexually attracted to me but that still hasnt changed anything. I very rarely get hit on by women and when I was dating I use to get rejected quite often but I didnt go long without sex

. I think a lot of it has to do with like PBear said. My W has an IUD (Libido killer), aging I would doubt that cause generally womens libido's increase with age and thats why sometimes you will commonly see older women with younger men, just evens out, physical changes definitely have an effect and that can go hand in hand with self esteem issues, depression can be a a huge libido killer.

Now I do agree with it because I had a friend that got another woman pregnant while he was with his SO of 2 years. He said even after she found out he cheated, and the baby came he said they were still having sex! Now dont get confused, he said they were constantly arguing about everything and she was frustrated but that it never stopped them from having sex. So then you look it as did his SO just have HD? Or do LD women with all those factors or not have a reset button when they meet someone new?

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wiigirl

· #11 · Oct 29, 2012

Horsa said:
Attraction does make senses in most cases. And everyone can learn to be a good lover, if they wanted to learn.
How do you keep the attraction is the key for happy long term relationship.
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:iagree:

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Tall Average Guy

· #12 · Oct 29, 2012

Seems to me that resentment often leads to not finding your partner attractive.

PBear

· #13 · Oct 29, 2012

Tall Average Guy said:
Seems to me that resentment often leads to not finding your partner attractive.

That's like saying someone died because their heart stopped...
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StStephen65

· #14 · Oct 29, 2012

Tall Average Guy said:
Seems to me that resentment often leads to not finding your partner attractive.

Chicken or the egg? When ever I try anymore to look past the physically unattractiveness I am stopped in my tracks by resentments. I think all of that, what she's said and over the years and continues to say and do makes her less attractive than 50 or so excess pounds do.

chillymorn

· #15 · Oct 29, 2012

or shes a total Bi*ch. and has learned along the way in her life that she can control the man who loves her through sex!

sinnister

· #16 · Oct 30, 2012

The problem with gross generalizations is that every situation is unique. My wife had a talk with me this weekend about sex (which is rare). She said that she her main reason for not being very sexual anymore is that she hasn't recovered from the kids yet. She's still very tired. Our kids are old enough to sleep in their own rooms, but her parenting style allows them to come back into our room waking her up multiple times per night. It's a nightmare scenario that I've tried to correct but she has shut me down.

Some of us are fat, but I'm not some smelly, small dcked, bad lover who repulses my wife with my presence. And that hard and fast bs is just that....BS. Some guys here will tell you that's the only way to do it, I'm here to tell you the female sexual organs aren't designed to feel pleasure from a jackhammering. We went over this in another thread. As a big strong dude and can hit it to win it and all it will accomplish is a lot of bleeding from her. If you can position yourself where your rubbing up against the G spot or hitting the other errogenous zones deep in the vaginal canal you're golden....

But some women still have great difficulty in acheiving climax through sex. So brush up on your tongue muscles and go to work on that clitoris. I have zero problems bringing my wife to orgasm through oral in combination with manual stimulation of the G spot. Drives her nuts.

But she's still sexless.

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Reactions: 1

Adex

Discussion Starter · #17 · Oct 31, 2012

barcafan said:
I have to say I agree to a certain extent...the amount of times I've read "I clean the house, I cook, I do the dishes, I go shopping, I do laundry, I listen to and cater to her needs...but my wife won't have sex with me!!!"......blah.....like dude...man the fvck up!!! You sound like the perfect housewife lol!

Exactly. The first thing I'd advise a guy is show LESS to your wife in terms of cooking, cleaning, housework, affection etc. Let her do more work. Let her give you the affection. Act like you don't give a crap.

Treat her nice and respectful, but don't overdo it. She'll start wondering what happened and will become more attracted to you.

east2west

· #18 · Nov 3, 2012

sinnister said:
The problem with gross generalizations is that every situation is unique. My wife had a talk with me this weekend about sex (which is rare). She said that she her main reason for not being very sexual anymore is that she hasn't recovered from the kids yet. She's still very tired. Our kids are old enough to sleep in their own rooms, but her parenting style allows them to come back into our room waking her up multiple times per night. It's a nightmare scenario that I've tried to correct but she has shut me down.

Some of us are fat, but I'm not some smelly, small dcked, bad lover who repulses my wife with my presence. And that hard and fast bs is just that....BS. Some guys here will tell you that's the only way to do it, I'm here to tell you the female sexual organs aren't designed to feel pleasure from a jackhammering. We went over this in another thread. As a big strong dude and can hit it to win it and all it will accomplish is a lot of bleeding from her. If you can position yourself where your rubbing up against the G spot or hitting the other errogenous zones deep in the vaginal canal you're golden....

But some women still have great difficulty in acheiving climax through sex. So brush up on your tongue muscles and go to work on that clitoris. I have zero problems bringing my wife to orgasm through oral in combination with manual stimulation of the G spot. Drives her nuts.

But she's still sexless.

Sorry but it still sounds like lack of attraction to me. If she was attracted to you she would keep the kids out long enough to have sex with you at least. Not recovered from the kids, tired, these are just excuses that every woman who doesn't want sex from her husband uses. If that's really the case then she can seek medical treatment. If she doesn't want to then its just lack of attraction.

You might not be smelly or fat or small d!cked or bad in bed. It's probably your behavior. For example you tried to confront her about bringing the kids in the bedroom and she "shut you down". "Her parenting style"?, what about your parenting style? Sounds like she's the boss and you're her b!tch. That's why she doesn't want sex from you. Sorry to be harsh.

Runs like Dog

· #19 · Nov 3, 2012

After listening to a half century of the ineffable complex mystical fleeting indescribable magic that is the female sexual response that not a single person in the history of people can understand or manage, maybe women are just victims of their own PR.

We get it, you're a butterfly unicorn and the planets have to be in alignment with the magnetic poles and you have consume saffron and dinosaur eggs under canopy of expensive shoes to get in the mood.

You do that, honey.

juicecondensation

· #20 · Nov 4, 2012

This thread has been done to death.

My oppinion. "yada yada its all the mans fault be more alpha yada" Is all BS and has been said a thousand times before.

This whole alpha/beta men issue some people love to go on about is nonsense IMO.

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