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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife doesn't initiate sex with me but she'll sleep naked and give me access to her if "I" wanna have sex. She never appears or acts horny but if i look in her phone i see she watches porn when i leave out the house. She prefers big **** porn. I'm about 5.5 inches and not too thick. We've went to toy stores and she's picked out one that's about 4x my size. When we used it I've never seen her as wet and creamy as i did with that toy but she acted like she didn't like it. I think she's not sexually attracted to me bcuz of my **** size. She doesn't **** me or suck my **** on her own, but she will do it without complaint if i ask. I just don't like that i have to ask. She'll lay naked in bed with me all day but won't touch me. Then when i leave she's watches big **** porn (big black ****s.com) etc, and masterbates. I think she wants a bigger **** and that's why there's no sexual interest. I don't know if there's a way to fix this but it sucks. I've never had this with any other women b4 her. She gave birth to 3 babies that weighed between 8lbs 10oz and 9lbs 4oz and her vagina never went back to b4. Her hole literally sits open if u look at it so i think that plays a part. I'm thinking of getting penuma to increase my size. Idk. I'm confused tho. She not sexually attracted to me and it bothers tf outta me.
 

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Ask her to stop the porn. Not only is it very disrespectful towards you but her whole sexual focus is away from you on the porn. She should be focusing on you alone and your marriage.
Watching or reading things that makes you discontent with your spouse or marriage is a fools game.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Just how much porn is she watching? She may have a porn addiction and her concept of sex is being altered because of it.
She doesn't watch it often. I'd say once a week, whenever she horny, i guess. It's just that whenever that is she'd rather masterbate than have sex with me and she almost always cums when we **** so I'm confused. What is the disconnect
 

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My wife doesn't initiate sex with me but she'll sleep naked and give me access to her if "I" wanna have sex.

.......she watches porn when i leave out the house. She prefers big **** porn.

...... We've went to toy stores and she's picked out one that's about 4x my size. When we used it I've never seen her as wet and creamy as i did with that toy but she acted like she didn't like it. I think she's not sexually attracted to me bcuz of my **** size.

,,,,,,She doesn't ** me or suck my on her own, but she will do it without complaint if i ask. I just don't like that i have to ask. She'll lay naked in bed with me all day but won't touch me. Then when i leave she's watches big porn (big black ***s.com) etc, and masterbates. I think she wants a bigger * and that's why there's no sexual interest.

.......I don't know if there's a way to fix this but it sucks. I've never had this with any other women b4 her. She gave birth to 3 babies that weighed between 8lbs 10oz and 9lbs 4oz and her vagina never went back to b4. Her hole literally sits open if u look at it so i think that plays a part. I'm thinking of getting penuma to increase my size. Idk. I'm confused tho. She not sexually attracted to me and it bothers tf outta me.
She doesn't watch it often. I'd say once a week, whenever she horny, i guess. It's just that whenever that is she'd rather masterbate than have sex with me and she almost always cums when we **** so I'm confused. What is the disconnect
Dear Joe,

A few thoughts. Sometimes we grossly over think things and our imagination creates far worse scenarios than the reality before us. While you may feel that your penis size is the real issue in your relationship, that is extremely rare in real life. Yes there is a whole lot of Small Penis Humiliation (SPH) porn out there, it is not a big thing in the real world. Don't get you penis carved up with an insert just because you think it would help cure your relationship problems.

You really need to have some much better discussions with your wife to find out what is really going on.

First, she seems to orgasm when the two of you have sex, which is great. Next you post that when you initiate she will always say yes. There are so many men who would kill to have a wife that would agree to sex when asked as opposed to always rejecting them. Your glass is half full. Count your blessings. That doesn't mean you can't work to make it more full.

However, you need to understand that there is no way you can force you wife to do things she does not want to do. Only she can change herself and then only if she wants to. Your job will be to support any positive changes she makes so as to encourage her to make more changes (she wants to make) that you view positively. Don't try to force her to do things she isn't ready to do.

How is the rest of your marriage going? Are there areas of it that she would like to work on? Areas, she would like you to change?

How about either sitting down with her, or better yet the two of you sitting down with a marriage counselor. Explain to her how much you love her, love and desire her. Tell her how important sex with her is to you. Tell her that you would like more sensual intimacy in your marriage and that you would like to feel more sexually desired. The problem in doing this is that without a lot of work on your part you will come off as "needy" and "clingy" which are not sexy qualities in a man. A marriage counselor might be able to help.

When my wife and I were in Sex Therapy with a ST and marriage counselor, we did Sensate Focus exercises to increase non-sexual, but sensual intimacy. David Schnarch has an interesting book on Intimacy and Sexual Desire that explains how intimacy and desire are linked and created and even has some exercises in how to increase sexual desire. My wife and have read chapters separately and discussed them weakly. Prior to the book, my wife told me she wanted more non-sexual intimacy. After reading the book and some of the exercises, she told me she doesn't want that much intimacy. Real intimacy requires being very vulnerable to your partner and takes great courage and self-differentiation (integrity and confidence).

You might want to also read Glover's book No More Mr. Nice Guy. A NG is code words for a man who is codependent upon his wife/girlfriend and has been raised by women authority figures (mothers, teachers, female bosses, etc.) to please women as a way of being emotionally rewarded. Transforming from a Nice Guy does not mean you will become a jerk, it can mean that you become an integrated, confident man. Most women find such men very sexy. That should be your immediate goal. An integrated man enjoys a woman's company but isn't codependent and feel bad when she is not all over his body wanting sex. An integrated and confident man knows that if he and his woman have sex it will be good for both and strengthen their relationship, but he doesn't need to beg her, or feel bad when she doesn't initiate.

Do you think that she understands you "fear" of not having a big penis and how that impacts what happens every time you have sex?

OK, now never, never, ever comment on the size of her vagina after the birth of your children. If she every hears you say that or your non-verbal communication every tells her that, you will have lots of problems in your relationship.

One of the things most long term couples don't realize is how well they non-verbally communicate some subjects. If the two of you have been married for quite awhile (enough to have three children) she will be able to read you body language, your facial expressions, the tone of your voice, etc. and know what you are thinking.

Sit back a moment, when you and she went to the toy store and got the huge dildo, do you think she sensed how much it excited you? Could that have been why she wanted to get it? When you commented about how creamy she was when the two of you used it, do you think you let her know how special you thought that was in a non-verbal way? Do you think that her "big penis" porn viewing might be at least partially your subconsciously training her that such things are "exciting" to you and so should be exciting to her? Could any of this be things she is doing to try to "please you," because of the non-verbal communication you have given her?

Yes, porn addiction can be a problem when it interferes with the amount of sex that two partners get.

I suspect that you and your wife have trained each other to have you do all the initiation. If you want her to initiate more you will have to tell her that, let her know it is important to you and hope that she may want to help change the way the two of you have trained each other. Perhaps you can ask her to masturbate for your viewing pleasure because it would excite you. That might be a bridge on the road you want to get to. If she can only do that while you are out of the house, maybe you can ask her to "sext" you after she has done it, so you can come home all ready for action after the kids are put to bed. Maybe it can even be a pre-date night bit of foreplay she does for you, so it can become her way of "initiating."

Good luck to you. I really think your glass is much more than half full and you should count your blessings.
 

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Where does one find a 22” dildo? Hardware store?Asking for a friend.
Think volume, not just length...

4=1.587^3

So, length, width, and depth would only to be 1.587x the comparable member.
The length would be about 8.75" and the width and depth would be each 1.587x the size of the original member to get a comparable member that is 4x the OP's dimensions.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Dear Joe,

A few thoughts. Sometimes we grossly over think things and our imagination creates far worse scenarios than the reality before us. While you may feel that your penis size is the real issue in your relationship, that is extremely rare in real life. Yes there is a whole lot of Small Penis Humiliation (SPH) porn out there, it is not a big thing in the real world. Don't get you penis carved up with an insert just because you think it would help cure your relationship problems.

You really need to have some much better discussions with your wife to find out what is really going on.

First, she seems to orgasm when the two of you have sex, which is great. Next you post that when you initiate she will always say yes. There are so many men who would kill to have a wife that would agree to sex when asked as opposed to always rejecting them. Your glass is half full. Count your blessings. That doesn't mean you can't work to make it more full.

However, you need to understand that there is no way you can force you wife to do things she does not want to do. Only she can change herself and then only if she wants to. Your job will be to support any positive changes she makes so as to encourage her to make more changes (she wants to make) that you view positively. Don't try to force her to do things she isn't ready to do.

How is the rest of your marriage going? Are there areas of it that she would like to work on? Areas, she would like you to change?

How about either sitting down with her, or better yet the two of you sitting down with a marriage counselor. Explain to her how much you love her, love and desire her. Tell her how important sex with her is to you. Tell her that you would like more sensual intimacy in your marriage and that you would like to feel more sexually desired. The problem in doing this is that without a lot of work on your part you will come off as "needy" and "clingy" which are not sexy qualities in a man. A marriage counselor might be able to help.

When my wife and I were in Sex Therapy with a ST and marriage counselor, we did Sensate Focus exercises to increase non-sexual, but sensual intimacy. David Schnarch has an interesting book on Intimacy and Sexual Desire that explains how intimacy and desire are linked and created and even has some exercises in how to increase sexual desire. My wife and have read chapters separately and discussed them weakly. Prior to the book, my wife told me she wanted more non-sexual intimacy. After reading the book and some of the exercises, she told me she doesn't want that much intimacy. Real intimacy requires being very vulnerable to your partner and takes great courage and self-differentiation (integrity and confidence).

You might want to also read Glover's book No More Mr. Nice Guy. A NG is code words for a man who is codependent upon his wife/girlfriend and has been raised by women authority figures (mothers, teachers, female bosses, etc.) to please women as a way of being emotionally rewarded. Transforming from a Nice Guy does not mean you will become a jerk, it can mean that you become an integrated, confident man. Most women find such men very sexy. That should be your immediate goal. An integrated man enjoys a woman's company but isn't codependent and feel bad when she is not all over his body wanting sex. An integrated and confident man knows that if he and his woman have sex it will be good for both and strengthen their relationship, but he doesn't need to beg her, or feel bad when she doesn't initiate.

Do you think that she understands you "fear" of not having a big penis and how that impacts what happens every time you have sex?

OK, now never, never, ever comment on the size of her vagina after the birth of your children. If she every hears you say that or your non-verbal communication every tells her that, you will have lots of problems in your relationship.

One of the things most long term couples don't realize is how well they non-verbally communicate some subjects. If the two of you have been married for quite awhile (enough to have three children) she will be able to read you body language, your facial expressions, the tone of your voice, etc. and know what you are thinking.

Sit back a moment, when you and she went to the toy store and got the huge dildo, do you think she sensed how much it excited you? Could that have been why she wanted to get it? When you commented about how creamy she was when the two of you used it, do you think you let her know how special you thought that was in a non-verbal way? Do you think that her "big penis" porn viewing might be at least partially your subconsciously training her that such things are "exciting" to you and so should be exciting to her? Could any of this be things she is doing to try to "please you," because of the non-verbal communication you have given her?

Yes, porn addiction can be a problem when it interferes with the amount of sex that two partners get.

I suspect that you and your wife have trained each other to have you do all the initiation. If you want her to initiate more you will have to tell her that, let her know it is important to you and hope that she may want to help change the way the two of you have trained each other. Perhaps you can ask her to masturbate for your viewing pleasure because it would excite you. That might be a bridge on the road you want to get to. If she can only do that while you are out of the house, maybe you can ask her to "sext" you after she has done it, so you can come home all ready for action after the kids are put to bed. Maybe it can even be a pre-date night bit of foreplay she does for you, so it can become her way of "initiating."

Good luck to you. I really think your glass is much more than half full and you should count your blessings.
U touched on some good pointers. However I'm very transparent and communicative with her. Our marriage is great otherwise. We date often, We're great friends and have good times. At the toy store i saw her curious of the huge dildos so i told her to get whatever she wanted and not to worry about what she thinks I'm thinking. I didn't mind and wanted to see her get off however she really wanted to. I'm not an insecure person, just a confused one from her actions or lack there of. She'll watch porn then deny it. I told her plenty times that she doesn't have to do that. I watched porn while she was at work sometimes too, which she knows. I just basically think she's attracted to or craves larger ****s and that's why she never wants sex with me. She's not going on bigdicks.com for nothing.
 

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If you’re fat you can probably gain an inch by getting in shape. Other than that, I don’t think any of the treatments and such really do anything.

If she’s a size queen maybe look into an extension?
 

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Well Joe....
some women really only want a big penis inside of them. other forms of sex they just do not like. So if you have a small penis, and she does not want any other form of sex from you...you kind of have an insurmountable problem.

but have you really exhausted all avenues?
How are you at giving cunnilingus?
will she let you use her dildos on her?
how about bondage? Spanking? Forced orgasms?

really try to find something new that DOES turn her on, and makes her horny.
 

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My wife doesn't initiate sex with me but she'll sleep naked and give me access to her if "I" wanna have sex. She never appears or acts horny but if i look in her phone i see she watches porn when i leave out the house. She prefers big ** porn. I'm about 5.5 inches and not too thick. We've went to toy stores and she's picked out one that's about 4x my size. When we used it I've never seen her as wet and creamy as i did with that toy but she acted like she didn't like it. I think she's not sexually attracted to me bcuz of my size. She doesn't me or suck my on her own, but she will do it without complaint if i ask. I just don't like that i have to ask. She'll lay naked in bed with me all day but won't touch me. Then when i leave she's watches big porn (big black ***s.com) etc, and masterbates. I think she wants a bigger * and that's why there's no sexual interest. I don't know if there's a way to fix this but it sucks. I've never had this with any other women b4 her. She gave birth to 3 babies that weighed between 8lbs 10oz and 9lbs 4oz and her vagina never went back to b4. Her hole literally sits open if u look at it so i think that plays a part. I'm thinking of getting penuma to increase my size. Idk. I'm confused tho. She not sexually attracted to me and it bothers tf outta me.
Her not initiating is honestly pretty normal or at least it's not unusual. Many women just feel as the man's job to initiate and it is true that men usually want sex far more often than women do so women therefore feel no need to initiate. Masturbation doesn't replace actual sex or vice versa. Maybe she just likes the look of a big wang. When she masturbates is she using the toy or just looking at it and touching herself?

There's nothing wrong with your penis so you need to stop trying to think of that as a problem. She's the one that can do something about this.

Don't hold your breath waiting for women to want to give you a BJ because most women do not enjoy doing that anyway and just do it out of obligation. They don't crave to do it.

Anastasia made me take my suggestion down and says they don't do that anymore much, so please see posts below.
 

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Somebody else's probably said this by now but I haven't read everything. She would benefit from getting a husband's knot, but I thought obstetricians usually did that kind of automatically after birth. I think you should talk to her about getting one. It's not a big procedure. She might be more than willing.

Turn on initiating is honestly pretty normal or at least it's not unusual. Many women just feel as the man's job to initiate and it is true that men usually want sex far more often than women do so women therefore feel no need to initiate. Masturbation doesn't replace actual sex or vice versa. Maybe she just likes the look of a big wang. When she masturbates is she using the toy or just looking at it and touching herself?

There's nothing wrong with your penis so you need to stop trying to think of that as a problem. She's the one that can do something about this.

Don't hold your breath waiting for women to want to give you a BJ because most women do not enjoy doing that anyway and just do it out of obligation. They don't crave to do it.

But I do think you're totally right about her having a size preference and I think why she does is because she didn't get a husband's knot after having birth. So talk to her about that. They just take a stitch to narrow the opening. It doesn't do anything for what's inside but that's all supposed to be pretty elastic. If she was narrower on the opening, having sex would work her clitoral area a little more. And of course that's the area that you should be working when you do it because most women can get off on just clitoral stimulation and that's their strongest stimulation point.

Don't be shy bringing it up with her. You could do it sort of enthusiastically and say hey, I read about husband's knots and it sounded exactly like what might help us.
Never recommend a husbands knot it is barbaric.
 

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Never recommend a husbands knot it is barbaric.
I googled and see they're not doing them much anymore but it was a normal thing for most of my life. Seems to me it'd be better than not being able to have pleasurable sex.
 
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I googled and see they're not doing them much anymore but it was a normal thing for most of my life. Seems to me it'd be better than not being able to have pleasurable sex.
This is the big thing these days.
 
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