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But something is off sexually with us. Put simply the only way she can cum is just by playing with herself and she doesnt want me to touch her or be inside her or anything.
OK, just to be clear, she doesn't want you to touch her or be inside her at all, or only when she's getting herself off? Does she engage willingly in PIV sex, do so resentfully, or not at all?
 

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JANG,

It kinda sucks to feel like you are having sex all by yourself.

And to answer this question in reverse it would be difficult to divorce a woman who multiple-orgasmed easily and was very wet.
 

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So she says it is distracting to stimulate herself during piv and doesnt want to do it. One time she said I should watch something on TV while she did it so I wasnt bored! Thats why i think she is thinking about a other guy or something else. It was the same when dating but I didn't give it too much thought as the actual sex was good. She also said she was the same with all her previous bfs.
You may have had some relationships, but now good healthy ones as far as this post goes...

Now I know that some women have issues with their O's and have to work on them, and learn to loosen up, and bla, bla bla...

But I have NEVER been with a woman that I could not get to O at some level. Some of them may have been one and done girls, or clit only girls or any of the other variations.

But unless you are some kind of moronic dunce, then I think the issues are with your wife and maybe not you...

I agree with an early poster, why is the hell did you EVER accept this or allow it to continue. And the Sex is not everything, while a one lever may be true, it is a huge part to keeping people together... Connecting.

Dude, you need to get this fixed, like now, or get out. Could be she is just not the right girl for you.

I have to say that I think you are a fool for marrying this girl, I just cannot imagine...
 

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Ive just joined and I would like to see what others feel about this. My wife and I have been married about 10 years, we both are in our 30s and I would say have an alright marriage. We dated before we met and have had experience with other relationships. We both love each other and care for one another. But something is off sexually with us. Put simply the only way she can cum is just by playing with herself and she doesnt want me to touch her or be inside her or anything. When i ask what she thinks about ahe mentions ahe just thinks about a faceless man, which confuses me even more. She continues to tell me that alot of women cannot cum with their partners but I do think that is lie. This is now really affecting me and I feel less of a man, i feel like the guy that cannot do something that all women want and im sure that faceless guy she refers to is another guy she fantasies about. Now many of you may say 'there is more to marriage/life than sex, its about connection, she loves u and that what matters etc' but those are just feel good sentences and I really feel if this goes on, her or i will divorce.

Interested to hear other peoples reactions and comments
Yep, something is amiss.

Time for W to free-up or check out.

Good luck!
 

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Seems like you don't spark desire/arousal in your wife. I dont know your marital history or chemistry but was it always like this?

Did you gain weight and become inactive post marriage?
 

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Ive just joined and I would like to see what others feel about this. My wife and I have been married about 10 years, we both are in our 30s and I would say have an alright marriage. We dated before we met and have had experience with other relationships. We both love each other and care for one another. But something is off sexually with us. Put simply the only way she can cum is just by playing with herself and she doesnt want me to touch her or be inside her or anything. When i ask what she thinks about ahe mentions ahe just thinks about a faceless man, which confuses me even more. She continues to tell me that alot of women cannot cum with their partners but I do think that is lie. This is now really affecting me and I feel less of a man, i feel like the guy that cannot do something that all women want and im sure that faceless guy she refers to is another guy she fantasies about. Now many of you may say 'there is more to marriage/life than sex, its about connection, she loves u and that what matters etc' but those are just feel good sentences and I really feel if this goes on, her or i will divorce.

Interested to hear other peoples reactions and comments
It's called "INTIMACY".
She does not feel it with you.
Look into her childhood.
Is she narcissistic?
 

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This is a completely ignorant and inaccurate statement. It simply ISN'T that simple.
How is it ignorant and inaccurate? He is not doing what it takes to get her to relax enough to climax. Period. I am not limiting this to just in the bedroom. How is not orgasming her fault?
 

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The idea that every woman will orgasm if the man is doing it right is ridiculous and stupid. Some women have a lot of difficulty having an orgasm, and it has nothing to do with a man's skill. That also does not mean it is her salt. Sometimes that is just the way it is.
 

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The idea that every woman will orgasm if the man is doing it right is ridiculous and stupid. Some women have a lot of difficulty having an orgasm, and it has nothing to do with a man's skill. That also does not mean it is her salt. Sometimes that is just the way it is.
Without getting too graphic could you expound upon this as it seems to be a great mystery to me and many others Im sure. As a general rule, man will cum np when things are right, so why wont a female if we are doing things correctly so to speak? Thus the feeling we are somehow not doing things right. I suspect the man who started this topic is feeling a bit like this.
 

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Women will come when things are done right, but only with a right person.

If they would only be honest about it.

There's a saying someone told me, "a woman is a different woman for every man she is with", he credited it as being a Korean saying but I've never been able to find it.

Do we just accept that we are not that man, or no longer are?
 

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Without getting too graphic could you expound upon this as it seems to be a great mystery to me and many others Im sure. As a general rule, man will cum np when things are right, so why wont a female if we are doing things correctly so to speak? Thus the feeling we are somehow not doing things right. I suspect the man who started this topic is feeling a bit like this.

My opinion only. As a woman I have so many things going on in my brain at any one time that I often find it hard to wind down and enjoy. I learned that I have to give myself permission to be “selfish” (Esther Perel) and focus on myself and the sensations. It’s not that you’re not doing it right, it’s that we can’t get out of our own head.
The OPs issue is regrettable and while I understand his partner’s behaviour, I believe that it’s essentially damaging intimacy as evidenced by his postings. That’s what needs to be addressed.
 

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So she says it is distracting to stimulate herself during piv and doesnt want to do it. ... She also said she was the same with all her previous bfs.
That makes perfect sense to me (as a man).

Part of my job includes deciding whether to assign couples for (a) relationship counselling or (b) sex therapy. This falls close to the line, but I'd say relationship counselling.
 

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I’m surprised by all the people who think this is something to divorce over. Especially given that you knew about this when you married her, and she supposedly had this problem with prior lovers.

I can’t tell you how to feel but this wouldn’t be a big issue for me.
 

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Sometimes men have a hope that their wives will trust them enough after they marry share their innermost sexuality with their husbands.

They hope to do well enough in life or in caring or earning that their wife becomes again who she was when they first dated.

If the wife faked it to get him to marry her then it's also a reason for annulment.
 

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Now many of you may say 'there is more to marriage/life than sex, its about connection, she loves u and that what matters etc' but those are just feel good sentences and I really feel if this goes on, her or i will divorce.
Over the holiday weekend, my FIL had some health issues. My MIL was halfway across the country, so my wife wanted to be with him. In order to ensure that my daughter had a good time and she wouldn’t feel guilty, she asked me to take my daughter to a nearby amusement park for the day.

We invited along our neighbor friends’ two kids. We stayed until it closed, then went to dinner at their son’s favorite restaurant. We got home after midnight.

The next day I got a text from the neighbor wife. She thanked me for taking the kids, who said it was the best night of their lives, and called me “Uncle Craig.”

It’s more than just the non-sexual connection you have with your wife. There’s a whole web of relationships that we have with family, friends, and neighbors. I can’t imagine anybody divorcing over something like that.
 

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Seems nuts to file for divorce because his wife doesn't orgasm during sex and manually gets her release after. Men who jerk off instead of having sex is a totally different situation since that deprives the wife of the intimacy, but he is still getting sex in this situation. She is still wanting to my physical with him but has a hard time "getting there". Id like more explanation as to how he is deprived from good sex because she wasn't able to climax? Its not like she's making a choice not to? Just curious.

Lets be real....SO many women never orgasm during sex. I didn't until I was literally 24. Men put a lot of pressure on themselves and think sex isn't enjoyable without one. I didn't even know what I was missing out on until it happened, and it isn't something that happens every time. Stress of the day, not fully getting in the mood, and all sorts of factors play a role. Seems like she is just trying to quiet her mind.

Instead of pressuring her and feeling insecure, why not ask her to teach you? Not trying to sound mean, but maybe you're missing something and she doesn't want to make you feel bad by saying you aren't doing it the way she needs things done? Since you two have obviously been with each other since your early 20's, its not like there's a TON of experience in that department. Or get a smaller vibrator that is easy to use during sex? There's even finger tip ones.

It would be a shame to throw away 10 years of marriage....especially since it was like this when you married her. Things can always improve but to divorce over something she has always done (and you seemed okay with) would be really confusing for her.

Is this problem spilling over to other areas of the marriage?
They've been married 10 years now, so it's a safe bet she's over 24.

The problem isn't that she doesn't orgasm with him... but rather that she's made it clear she doesn't want to orgasm with him... or at least would rather do it by herself.

It's disrespectful. It's not loving. It's corrosive to what's supposed to be an intimate relationship.
 

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I'd say the first order of business is to gain control of your insecurities.
Which may well be quite reasonable at this point given her behavior.

She is giving you the "faceless" guy thing to protect your ego.

Let's be honest ...... You never thought of another woman while having sex? Come on ..... be truthful.
Maybe not never, but certainly not always.... and reserving her orgasms for the either faceless or specific imaginary (or real) man.

While there are some other things with your wife I believe your getting a bit to swirled up in your head.

Orgasm ..... your wife's situation is not uncommon. Don't believe the porn movies.
This is a false dichotomy. There's a lot of good quality ground between his reality and porn fiction

Woman can smell insecurity and self doubt a mile away.
And they're apparently not above fueling it further.

Your putting to much pressure on the "you didn't orgasm with me" department.

The more pressure or talking you do .... the less likely it will happen.
True enough. So one is faced with addressing the situation which gets negative results, or not addressing the situation, which of course gets you nowhere. Hence the thoughts of divorce.

If she needs to think of Aquaman to get off ..... let it be....or maybe even get her an aquarium.
Which might be okay.... if she would at least to it with him. But no, she thinks he should just go watch TV while she has her fun time. Again, intolerably disrespectful and corrosive.

Don't over think it .... your only hurting yourself.
Gotta think it through.... or face an entire life lacking what is for most couples, a key component of bonding.
 
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