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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband and I have been married for 15 years last week. We have 4 beautiful children and we just moved out of state. 10 years ago he cheated on me. It was bad. He told me about it and that he wanted to stay to patch things up. I have never been the same but I felt that our marriage was good. We moved here 10 weeks ago and met a great couple that has 4 kids and one on the way. We instantly clicked. Our kids shared the same interests, we had the same parenting philosophies, everything meshed. I had them over for dinner two nights ago and found out that my husband kissed my friend. Her husband walked in on them. I am devastated and I don't know what to do=I have no one to talk to and I feel so alone. I love my husband but how can we bounce back from this?
 

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I think you have to confront yuor husband upfront. You have to be very strong and tell him directly about what has happened and what you expect of him. You should also let him know that you love hima lot but then if he continues to bahave in this fashion, your relation as well as the relations you have with your children, friends etc. will get spoiled...
And yes, we are always here to help and support and listen to you....
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
We are going to try marriage counseling. I feel so betrayed again. I feel like I gave him a chance the first time and now because he did this again I should make him leave but I can't because I need him.
 

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I'm actually wondering what happened in the 10 years between the affair and this event. Maybe you can find out in counseling if this is a pattern of behavior (perhaps he is a heavy flirt that goes too far) or if he has just slipped up these two times.

You don't have any close friends you can call and talk to?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I feel as if I have no one to talk to because I am embarassed that I would be married to a guy after he cheats. As far as what has happened over the last ten years, we had two more kids, we learned to live with eachother again and I threw it in his face when I thought it necessary that he couldn't be trusted. If he wanted to go away with his friends or go out with out me, I would question his loyalty. He is a flirt. He sometimes does it in front of me. He will tell a watitress when we are out to dinner hey baby or sweet heart. The security guard in our neighborhood will open the gates for us and he will say thank you baby. I feel disrespected when he does this and he says it is no big deal. I think he really does not know that a married man should behave that way. I really don't know what to do. How can I trust him? He disrespected me in my own house with a neighbor. He says it was innocent and that he didn't mean anything by it. I am left to wonder what would have happened if he was not caught by my so called friends husband. Now about this friend. She would dress very provocatively around my husband.
She is pregnant.
I just don't get it. I don't know what to do.
 

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Again, Why do you feel like you "need" him?

The next thing I would say is that many people flirt, infact most do. The more important part isn't that it means nothing which it may or may not. The important part is that it offends you and he is not respecting you.


Does your friend normally dress very provocatively?

draconis
 

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I agree with draconis...many people do flirt but then it is for you to decide, as to what habit of your husband is tolerable and what is definitely not...and I too want to know..why are you repeateadly saying that you 'need' him? Seems like you have revolved your whole life around him..Dont be sooooo dependent yme...you are an individual too and recognise your self before it is too late....
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I feel like I need him because we have been together for so long that I wouldn't even know how to be "single." We are high school sweethearts. I love him and I think he loves me. He tells me he does and that this was a stupid thing that did not mean anything. I just don't want a pattern forming that every ten years he cheats. I am 38. I could start over now, but I am worried about forgiving him now and than ten years from now something happens again. How do I trust? Is it possible that he is sorry and that he realy wants to be with me? Could this have been a slip-up? Do you think that giving him another chance means I am weak? I love my family. I love the things we do together. My heart breaks for my four kids thinking that they might have divorced parents. I just don't know. Will I ever feel secure? Will I always question everything he does? If I do, is that a healthy way to live? Is it good for my kids? We will be going to counseling in a few days. Hopefully I will get some answers. Thanks for listening and responding. It really means alot to me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I understand, and agree. Could that be a good way to live? I am waiting for him to cheat and he is always trying to convince me that he won't. I don't know if that way of life is fair to us or our kids. I am affraid that being without eachother could be worse, though, for both of us because of our love.
 

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Having a transparent life isn't a bad way to live. I do because of who I am, not that I ever did anything wrong. But at any given time my wife knos where I am and how to get a hold of me. She knows that if I get invited some where I will tell her where I am going and she will have a way to get a hold of me if need be. She knows most of my friends and people that know me. She knows my email addresses and the sites I visit online. What is wrong with that?

draconis
 

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My heart goes out to you.But this man has no respect for you with his comments toward other women.It sounds he's taking you for granted,like he knows you're gonna always be there,and you should,but not at the expense of having you be disrespected and walked over because he feels like he doesn't want to control his tongue with other females.
 
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