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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Ok here it goes,

For a week I have officially manned up! And now my wife says I have been an A## H#le. She went to her mothers and said she can’t live like this. And now she is going to a Lawyer to see what her rights are.

I HAVE BEEN MOSTLY QUIET, NOT GIVING ANY ATTENTION TO HER… I JOINED A GYM. I’m singing and playing drums again. I am doing all I can think to disconnect! I need help in how I’m to act. I don’t want to be mean. But I have felt a power of “I am finally allowed to be mad at what she did and how she’s treated me”…

I explained she needs to start talking to me with more respect, not putting down decisions I make. Treating me like I’m annoying her!

I said to her, I finally get it! You’re not happy… But, I have nothing to do with that! And I won’t stand for her re-writing our marriage simply because she says she has “no fun and excitement” in her life. The simple fact that after staying with her and giving her a second chance, she could say to me 3 years later “I’m feeling like I’m confused on being married” again? Really??

History:

My wife had an affair 3 year’s ago. After she ended it, came home and confessed, she seemed interested in fixing the marriage until all the crap hit the fan. A few friends dropped her and she blamed me!
Within a month after OM started contacting her on My Space and secretly they messaged that they both felt they couldn’t get over the “what ifs”. Mean while we were on the edge of divorce.
We decided just to move on staying together and closing that door. Problem is, OM lives right across the street. And every time something new pops in the driveway, Wife starts acting quiet and withdrawn. So I start questioning if she came back for the right reasons. So, twice a year for three years, we have that fight! Were I ask her to say “you don’t love him anymore” Your back for the right reasons” Or something. She says nothing. I HAD NO CLOSURE!

NOW:

3 years later, this summer she hears things aren’t so good with them across the street. And again, my wife starts withdrawing etc. This might simply be me putting two and two together and I could be wrong, but I remember how she acted during the affair. And I won’t go down that road again. She has never in 3 years said or expressed some important things about the affair. As in she is sorry for the second secret emails with OM. That she’s not confused anymore. I ask her… And she just starts a fight and says No because I’m just bringing up the past!

I have done the big mistake “nice guy syndrome” Do more nice things to show you love her and you can forgive her. I was an idiot!!!
Now I’m sticking up for myself. And she is at the parents saying I’m being nasty and mean and she can’t take living with me like this.

Again, I HAVE BEEN MOSTLY QUIET, NOT GIVING ANY ATTENTION TO HER… I JOINED A GYM. I’m singing and playing drums again. I am doing all I can think to disconnect! I need help in how I’m to act. I don’t want to be mean. But I have felt a power of “I am finally allowed to be mad at what she did and how she’s treated me”…
 

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If she cant live with you like this, then let her leave. It sounds like you have put up with more than enough at this point. She hasnt done her part to help you cope with her past betrayal, and that to me is unacceptable. She does not sound invested enough in your relationship. I commend you for the efforts you have put forth and hope you continue working on getting yourself back.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Thank you,

I am trying to really do this. So Im trying not to show her my anger. But for the most part I've been keeping busy away from her. She has seen the pullback (loud and clear)

I posted another issue...on the general side. She blames me for everyone finding out.

I confronted X freind in front of his wife, her freind and her freind posted on Facebook. Next thing we know all my wifes freinds all found out. And dumped her.
But my wife told one of her freinds and that freind told everyone else.
 

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The cheating, lying wife might leave? The horror! Let's see, the problem isn't that she was a cheating, lying, sack of horse dung. It's that you had the bad manners of not concealing her true identity better.
 

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Talkabout, Why haven't you filed for divorce? Don't let her be the first one to talk to a lawyer.

Other than that, your doin great. Don't be mean, be indifferent and start planning your life without her.

Do not allow her to put you through this again. No more chances! Its time to move on.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
In my state it's better if she files first. Plus I have children. And before she went crazy, we had a great marraige. 8-9 years of not even having to work at it! But things change, and if she won't come back to reality than I will move on.
 

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3 years later, this summer she hears things aren’t so good with them across the street. And again, my wife starts withdrawing etc. This might simply be me putting two and two together and I could be wrong, but I remember how she acted during the affair. And I won’t go down that road again. She has never in 3 years said or expressed some important things about the affair. As in she is sorry for the second secret emails with OM. That she’s not confused anymore. I ask her… And she just starts a fight and says No because I’m just bringing up the past!
She starts a fight to try and shift the blame to you. You are absolutely right to stick to your guns. Just try not to be an a$$hole to the next woman you meet, dont let her ruin you. There ARE good people out there, you just have to weed through the bad ones.

Good luck man. :smthumbup:
 

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the party is over time to start an exit plan.

she not sorry about the affair shes sorry its over .

stick to your guns and do what you think is right and anytime she balks at it just say I can't trust or listen to a lyer and a cheat. go stay at your mothers house.
 
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