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Hello, i am new to this. My husband and i have been together for a hair over 3 yrs, but married only for 3 weeks today actually. For the past 3 yrs, this man has been the most thoughtful caring loving man i have ever met. We are both previously divorced. His wife cheated on him and got pregnant, and my ex well we are all pretty sure he is gay and just won't come out of the closet. Now my now husband and i always joked about how he'd instantly change the minute we said i do, but omg if that's not what really has happened:( we didn't spend much time together at our reception, in fact we danced our first dance and then cut the cake and that was the last i saw of him all night. Next day was fine, our honeymoon was great, the first 2 days home from honeymoon great, then the change. He went from being very touchy feely and kissy huggy, saying i love you a few times a day making sure i had coffee in the morning before he left for work to no eye contact, no coffee no just because i love you's anymore, only kisses me if one of us is leaving somewhere, and he just doesn't seem happy anymore, even my mom has noticed and asked me about it. What is going on? I don't feel like i'm loosing him i feel like he is gone already.
 

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Yep, only ONE person with the answers to this: Hubby.

Ask him how he's really feeling in a non-judgemental way. "Hubby, you seem unhappy/distracted/distant the last few days. What's wrong, honey, and what can I do to help?"

Then BE QUIET and let him get it all out.

Good luck!
 

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You did or said something, obviously without your knowledge or intent, that "flipped his switch." This is how we react when (we perceive that) you hurt us. We think you should know and should feel the same pain you caused us. We have varying areas of greater or lesser insecurity, and if you just happen to inadvertently stab us in one of our more sensitive areas, this is how we react. Think frightened turtle -- spontaneous withdrawl is our first reaction.

It won't be easy to drag it out of him, because it's something he hides deep inside. Unfortunately, you have to go in assuming you did something bad, and it's all your fault. If he's the man you say he is based on the last three years, he will throw down enough breadcrumbs for you to follow until his wound has healed through the application of sufficient contrition on your part. Afterward, he will likely apologize to you for being so touchy and will resume his default position as the tender, loving spouse you knew him to be.

Please take this seriously, as we have a highly-developed skill that enables us to quickly manufacture insurmountable objects out of otherwise invisible grains of sand.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
To biffblendon
thanks for that insight. I will take it very seriously however without coming off like i am perfect or anything like that cause i'm not by any stretch of the imiagination, i really honestly can't think of anything i said or did, and that is only because i have no been around a lot lately. My husband dropped a huge financial bomb on me the day i returned to work after our honeymoon that he had known about for some time. I called an old boss to see if i could pick up some extra hours to get this taken care of. So i have been working two jobs now. So i honestly in all sencerity can't think of a single thing that i could've said or did when i'm not there.
 

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Ugh... we don't handle finances well, as a general rule. We tend to hide those (and other) problems until they boil over on their own. Working, essentially, two jobs to help fix it just adds to the stab wound. As professional cave men, we need to provide for our women. When we can't, our penises shrink (sarcasm, yes, but you get the point). Something was said, maybe it was even a look, that gave him an emotional circumcision. He was already in guilt-mode when it happened.

A friend of mine put it this way -- Men are like tanks, we're relatively impervious to outside attack. Once we let you inside, where we are all soft and delicate, you can cause a lot of damage by simply pushing the wrong button.

Make him throw down a few crumbs. He has them ready in his hand, believe me.

Last question -- Did you say / share something with ANYONE else, not knowing he overheard? We respond poorly to our wives sharing information with others that may make us look bad.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Hey biff thanks for more input.
No i didn't say anything to anyone about what is happeneing with our finances, that is something i would never do. I'm not the type to air our dirty laundy to my friends and family. The only reason i came on here is cause i was feeling desparate and i knew no one would know us to take sides or judge.
However, since i have posted this things are back to the way they were. I brought it up in the most subtle way possible and maybe even in a slight joking manner about him not being himself lately and they flood gates opened. He'd been holding in this bill that got out of control before our wedding, and then decided to tell me about it the monday back to work after our honeymoon which i didn't want to take cause i wasn't going to be paid while on vacation, but we went anyway. Since we have talked and i took over the finances, things are all back to normal now, except the stress is all on me now, with working two jobs and paying the bills and that, which is fine cause i'd rather contend with the stress and have my hubby the wonderful way that he always is, than have him not himself.
Thanks for all your input.
 
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