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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wrote last time when I found out my husband was having an affair. After 4 days of hell (for me) I told him if he wants to keep up seeing her he is to move out, which he did the same day. It's been 2 weeks. About a week ago he told me he was done with her and will take a week to think things through. I was ok with that. He began contact with me by text and started calling shortly after asking how I am, what I'm doing. He came by the other night and said he would try to make things work if I agreed to let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. I'm not the type of person that allows this or would be interested in a marriage like it so I said to him to forget about it, then 2 days after he said he wants to take me on a vacation in a few weeks where we can have fun and re-connect and will move home after. I said it was ok. We spoke on the phone the next day and he said he was driving around with friends, hours later I thought what if he's still with her and just wants an excuse to have another few weeks with her. So I called him to ask who he was with and he got upset with me saying it shouldn't matter as the reason he's gone is because he doesn't want to tell me what he's doing. I got upset and told him not to bother coming back and have a happy life (seems like he goes out to clubs and bars all the time, maybe only with friends, I don't know) Should I keep a no contact and see what happens...? if we keep in touch it's harder to be strong but at the same time what if I push him away this way? but then again I can't really push someone away who is already not here.. so confused..
 

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He came by the other night and said he would try to make things work if I agreed to let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. Say What? Only a FOOL would allow this to happen, ESPECIALLY when he wants to continue pursuing other women.

So I called him to ask who he was with and he got upset with me saying it shouldn't matter as the reason he's gone is because he doesn't want to tell me what he's doing. Is this guy for real?

I got upset and told him not to bother coming back and have a happy life Good for you!

(seems like he goes out to clubs and bars all the time, maybe only with friends, I don't know) Are you that naive?

Should I keep a no contact and see what happens...?
YES! Let him be for the next few weeks (6-8 weeks) with NO contact and let him stew! If he contacts you, tell him that you want some time off and then you can get together and discuss things. But if he wants to keep with this childish/immature behavior, you can make it permanent.

HE WANTS HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO !! ... and if you let it, you will wind up on the losing end!
 

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He is running a game on you. His game is to have all of the comforts of home: sex when he does not feel like going through the trouble of going out for the evening.

Someone to share expenses, cook, clean, reassurance that there is a fall back person when he needs to feel loved. If he pulls this off it will be another notch in his player belt. He will probably brag to his friends to win favorable status and their envy.

Is that you?

You know him, does he seem like a good risk for a mutually loving relationship? He is selfish, narcissistic and cruel. He may change but that may take years. My way of thinking is that you are not his mother and you dont need to stand by and be a doormat.

What ever you do, put yourself first, do not put your future in the hands of someone who does not care about you.

He will not love you if you buy his player game, he will pat himself on the back for his skills. He will lose what little respect he has for you if you make life so convient for him.

He would not do the same for any women. He has no respect for women I'll bet. I'd say cut your loses. By the time he realizes that he will not find a woman who loves him the way you did, you will be involved with a man who cherishes you.

He is playing you. Don't listen to his words look at actions that will tell you how much he loves and cares about you. Let him know his game is weak and he lost. Protect yourself and perserve your self respect and dignity.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I know what is right.. And he knows I'm not stupid, but I'm guessing he tought I was so broken that I would agree to his nonsense.. Thank God he was talking to a mutual friend about this and she told me afterwords, so I had time to mentally prepare myself to tell him to dream on.. This is not typical of him. He always liked to hagn with his friends, but I think midlife crisis got the best of him and all I can do is hope he realizes after sleeping in a friends basement , going to endless parties like a 20 year old and all the rest his up to that he is crazy and comes back like a normal person or else he could stay for good, as much as it would hurt I know I'm not the person to push around so whatever happens happens... It's just so hard to live through...
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I think the fact that your husband chose someone else over you when you gave him that choice, is very telling. Now that he's "free" again for whatever reason he wants to be back with you. I would find that truly insulting and I hope you do too.
 

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Yeah...what bigtoe says. It's kind of like saying, "yeah, I'll come back to you when there's nothing better to do."
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Basically.. But the thing is there is always something to do. He has a lot of sinlge friends who live the life of fun and parties and he wants to hang with them. I told him that if they had someone in their lives they wouldnt be putting them aside like that, but really it's like talking to a brick wall. Thank God I have a job interview tomorrow and I've submitted quite a few applications. Unfortunately as it stands now I'm still financially dependent on him as I started a new business a year ago and as with anything new it needs time to bring in profit, but I have the time to get a job where I can make money.. I need a steady income quick..
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