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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok Im ganna try to make it short and to the point.
1) my husband and I dont communicate at all. I'll call him and he will say "what do you want" I'll text him and he wont respond, maybe i'll get 2 word response.
2) I have a son with a previous relationship and my husband is a great dad and loves my son like his own.
3) we've been married for a little over a year.
4) he can go weeks without communicating with me or touching me at all, and months without any sex.
5) he was talking to a woman threw text all the time a few months ago and I put a end to that. Even though he isn't texting her he is still working with her and im worried his heart is elsewhere. He makes fun of me for even thinking that.
6) I feel like he doesn't want me, he doesn't show any affection, when I try to he pulls away or trys to hurt my feelings.
Im so lost I've tried talking to him about it I usually bring it up like once a week and he doesn't change. I am so attracted to my husband and just want to be intimate and show my affection all the time, but he is just not into me. ( or so it seems) Im not an unattractive person, and I usually get a lot of attention from men, just not my own husband. It seems like the only time he actually talks to me is if he thinks im getting attention from someone else.

What do I do????
 

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There is communication and communication.

When he asks you what you want and you tell him, that is communicating and he need not say anything else.

However when he pulls away from you and doesn't touch you he MAY be communicating a lot to you.

May I suggest you get the book by Chapman, called the 5 languages of love.

My primary love languages are touch and words of affirmation. My wifes are acts of service and quality time. For decades we each told our partner that we loved them in our love languages, that the other could not understand. Now I tell her I love her in her love languages and she feels loved and happy. It will make more sense once you read the book.

When I wanted to tell my wife I loved her I would reach out and touch her, she felt I was groping her. When she wanted to tell me how much she loved me, she would cook me a special dinner (act of service), that I viewed as nice, but no big deal. Now I bring her coffee each morning while we lay in bed and wake up and talk about the day. I now make sure she feels loved each morning with an act of my service and my providing her with quality time.

While you are at it get MW Davis book the sex starved marriage as that may also help explain some more as to what is going on in your marriage. MW Davis feels that one person can improve themself and change themself in ways that force their spouse to view them differently. The spouse will then need to interact with the peson who changed in a different and sometimes better way.

The keys to her approach are Getting a Life (Self improvement) and 180's or changing who you interact with your husband.

To explain a 180, let's assume that all your life you have never initiated sex. Well that approach hasn't worked, so maybe you should try something completely different to see if it works, like initiate sex. The point is do some trial and error. You know what doesn't work, so figure out what does work, then do more of it.

Good Luck.
 

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Here is some "fun" advice. Communicate with him in a very passive aggressive way about your desire to be with him:

  • Find a heavy duty extension cord (normally used for power tools) and plug it into an outlet in your bedroom, and shove all the cables under the bed. Claim to have NO IDEA why it is there and ask him to put it back when he gets a chance. When he pulls it out from under the bed, let him find on the end a power strip and two hitachi vibrators plugged into it. Stick to your story that you have no idea what those are or how they got there!!!
  • then the next day bolt a heavy duty lock onto your underwear drawer and ask him very politely never to look in there ever again!
  • Make him lunch for work one day and place a key in there with a letter, "please take this key that goes to my underwear drawer away from me and never give it back no matter how much I beg!
  • When he comes home make sure that your underwear drawer is now completely missing and claim to know nothing about it, but fuss at him for leaving the extension cord under the bed again.

I'm pretty sure something of that nature might get his curiosity! :D

Cheers,
Badsanta
 

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You've been married a little over a year and have gone months without any intimacy? Sounds like an extremely short honeymoon. When did things change or has he always been somewhat distant? Was he affectionate in the past? Are other aspects of life going OK - work, finances, family? This does not add up.
 
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