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I'm new to all of this and am only here for serious advice. I am 26 and have been married to my wife for a little over 2 years. The issues all started right after getting married. We got married In June after 2 months of dating. She spent a month with me at my new house and flew back home. Everything seemed great but then I logged onto to her email to pull our scanned marriage certificate from her account like she told me and saw a new email from her ex fiance. Of course curiosity killed the cat cause when I opened it what I read was a very intimate conversation they had been having since 4 days after our wedding. She had also been emailing another ex-boyfriend talking about how nice his house was and how sorry she was for not being able to go to lunch with him again. After questioning her I got no answers so I asked a friend who lived in Texas to see if she was at school with him again like the email said. I was told she got in his car skipped class and didnt return until 4 hours later. I confronted her on the situation and she laughed< explanation of this was that she laughs when she gets nervous. She explained she needed someone to talk to about the situation(our marriage) and he made her feel comfortable enough to talk to. She explained she only visited his house twice, once to pick up a gift he bought for her son, and the second to get lunch in which she fell asleep in his bed as they were talking and he was playing the guitar. I have a hard time trusting her or believing her. These conversations continued for 5 months of our marriage. I found out she had slept with her sons father during the two months we dated. So a total of 7 months out of 2 years and 4 months as of today. I thought I could get over everything and get past all the trust issues but after deploying I just dont have any faith in her. She says she has changed and shows many signs of being completely about our family (we have 2 children together now which are def mine according to paternity test) but I still can't get past what she did. I don't know if it's worth hanging on anymore or just letting go. I think about if I divorce her what will she do, where will she go, how will she provide for herself and the kids. I love her more than I could ever explain but I don't think I could or will ever trust her again. What are your thought's and or advice?
 

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Im going ti put this very bluntly

GET OUT OF DODGE


She explained she needed someone to talk to about the situation(our marriage) and he made her feel comfortable enough to talk to. She explained she only visited his house twice,Once.is one time to many. once to pick up a gift he bought for her son, and the second to get lunch in which she fell asleep in his bed as they were talking and he was playing the guitar.Does she think that even im that stupid?
Why in the bed, in the first place? I get it to talk*sigh*

I have a hard time trusting her or believing her. These conversations continued for 5 months of our marriage.



Now, seen marriages recover from far worse situations.
But her son,father 2 months in??Claiming once??
An how would you know?

Talking 5 month´s in.How do you know it stopped 5 month´s in?

So if you wish to try.You seriously need to know.The truth and nothing bu the truth.So help me good..

And how to deal with her ex.Father of her son..Cant imagen
How hat must feel..knowing now ,what has happend..

I would bolt..To early on in the marriage..Not enough time invested.Plus you´r 26 years old..Many ears a head of you
 

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Please contact a lawyer. Get tested for STD's. She has consistently been playing you for a fool. If you think she is not cheating then I have a bridge to sell you. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be as accepting as you have been?

She has no respect for you and is playing you for a fool. She is a player. If you do not respect yourself then who will? She is absolutely toxic. Please don't waste your life on someone like this. See a lawyer as soon as possible and save yourself. Good luck.
 

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D...I...V...O...R...C...E.

Can't believe you are actually asking us what you need to do. :scratchhead:
 
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I'm new to all of this and am only here for serious advice. I am 26 and have been married to my wife for a little over 2 years. The issues all started right after getting married. We got married In June after 2 months of dating. She spent a month with me at my new house and flew back home. Everything seemed great but then I logged onto to her email to pull our scanned marriage certificate from her account like she told me and saw a new email from her ex fiance. Of course curiosity killed the cat cause when I opened it what I read was a very intimate conversation they had been having since 4 days after our wedding. She had also been emailing another ex-boyfriend talking about how nice his house was and how sorry she was for not being able to go to lunch with him again. After questioning her I got no answers so I asked a friend who lived in Texas to see if she was at school with him again like the email said. I was told she got in his car skipped class and didnt return until 4 hours later. I confronted her on the situation and she laughed< explanation of this was that she laughs when she gets nervous. She explained she needed someone to talk to about the situation(our marriage) and he made her feel comfortable enough to talk to. She explained she only visited his house twice, once to pick up a gift he bought for her son, and the second to get lunch in which she fell asleep in his bed as they were talking and he was playing the guitar. I have a hard time trusting her or believing her. These conversations continued for 5 months of our marriage. I found out she had slept with her sons father during the two months we dated. So a total of 7 months out of 2 years and 4 months as of today. I thought I could get over everything and get past all the trust issues but after deploying I just dont have any faith in her. She says she has changed and shows many signs of being completely about our family (we have 2 children together now which are def mine according to paternity test) but I still can't get past what she did. I don't know if it's worth hanging on anymore or just letting go. I think about if I divorce her what will she do, where will she go, how will she provide for herself and the kids. I love her more than I could ever explain but I don't think I could or will ever trust her again. What are your thought's and or advice?
With your feelings for her plus the children I think you should give this some time before you bolt. Sounds like she's trying. Leaving is a big decision you need to take your time with. She is a woman with issues. Go with her to counseling and confront the issues. This is your family and your life. Be wary of doing anything with a split decision.
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100% with Jonesey.
Dont panick, dont rush. Use some secretive devices like Keylogger, Phone logger to find out what exactly she says or does. This evidence will be useful in (i) your deciding to let her go and (ii) strongly kick out if she keeps on playing BS. This will take some patience, but please be patient because rushing up will not help. No matter what - you have plenty of friends in this forum - who understand what you are going through - so leave the pain to us and take good care of yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
After finding the email I left her email logged on in my computer with a logger for each email that was received. I read each and everyone of them. One that got me was when she found out she was pregnant with our daughter. Her ex-fiance(not her sons father or the guy she fell asleep in his bed) but her ex-fiance said "are you sure its his?" in which she replied, "pretty sure but I don't know." < --- Excuse for this was, I just didn't want him to be hurt anymore that I left him for you. As for the Father of her son....very hard to deal with. I threatened him within an inch of his life if he came anywhere around her other than to see his son and no conversation was to take place if it didn't deal with him. The ex-boyfriend with the guitar and bed went crazy and threatened her and she of course got a restraining order on him after 3 months. I contacted the ex-fiance and the emails to all accounts THAT I KNOW OF stopped receiving emails from him and he was blocked. One of his close friends is military like me and I met him and he claims that guy is engaged to another woman and hates my wife now. So that stopped.
Recent activities she has given me all access to every account she "has." She always lets me by things without trying to stop me, or tries to spend money on me telling me I deserve these things. She tells me daily how thankful she is that she has a guy like me who would give her the chances I have and take the risks I have to be with her. She says she owes me everything and will never hold back to make sure I feel loved. I see these things and they are wonderful, the way you imagine a marriage should be. BUT in my head, I can never trust her. I can't give her the trust a man should give his wife because of what she did. Now 2 years later and 2 children later I find myself SCARED to leave her for fear of leaving her with nothing to fall back on as well as the fear of not being there with my kids as much as I am now. They are my world and she was too but 2 years of never being able to forgive her like I'd hoped I could has me left wondering what I should do. Many of your responses were what I bother feared and hoped to hear. But I hope there can be a little more discussion on it so that I am clear of possibilities as well as what I should do.

As for do I believe her that all she did was sleep in his bed.... HELL NO. I have never believed that or that she only slept with her son's father once or twice. I did get tested and was clean thank God. Please conversation and discussion is needed.
 

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File for full custody of your kids and send her packing. You can take the wh0re out of the street but you can't take the wh0re put of her. Bottom line is that she is a cheating cheating tramp who doesn't appear to have either loyalty to you or love. Dump her and upgrade.
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Sounds like your wife was pretty loose, and pretty young and naieve, when all of this happened

You probably will not trust her again, and if you do give her the greatest gift she will ever have, a 2nd chance, you will still be looking over your shoulder, and as you say, hesitant about leaving her alone

If you decide to stay----make her sign a post--nup agreement, and probably for your own peace of mind, have your daughter dna tested to make sure she is yours, so you can at least put that question mark to rest either way.

Its all up to you, and what you can handle----your sub--conscious is gonna cause you problems, that comes with the territory-----she sounds like she is doing the heavy lifting, so again, its all up to you.
 

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Go for Polygraph if you have any doubt on her, Tell her directly that you dont trust her and not recovered from her cheating completely, let she know what her cheating done to you.
if she agree for poly then do that for peace of mind. If she fails kick on her as$ and throw her out of your life.

When you came to know about her cheating earlier, why you didn't quit her? you swallowed it and its still there undigested. your biggest mistake was forgiving her then. forgiving her was your choice and you are responsible for its consequences too.
 

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The only reason she would be unsure about the paternity of her child is if she was sleeping with more than one man at the time of conception. The only reason she would lie to another man about her certainty of paternity is if she was sleeping with him around that time.

You should contact a lawyer. At this late date, you may be on the hook for child support even if you're not the father. In that case, I would probably not do a paternity test.

As for trusting your wife. You never will blindly trust her again. Of course, you will never blindly trust any woman again. And you shouldn't.

I suggest putting a keylogger on her computer, not just the email account. That way, you get reports of all activity on the computer, including secret email/Facebook accounts. And you should insist that she delete her Facebook account and halt all contact with men she has slept with in the past. As a matter of fact, she should never be alone with a man who is not a family member. It should be girlfriends only for her from here on out.

Good luck.
 

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Let me ask you the following, if it weren't for your children, what would be your course of action?
 

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1. See an attorney
2. Get tested for STD's.
3. Get a paternity test

She has been playing you for an absolute fool and clearly thinks that you are not worth being faithful. If you stay with her then she will be correct. The bottom line is that you clearly married the wrong woman.
 

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There's no hope here, you should never marry someone while still in the honeymoon stage (2 months) of a relationship. That stage doesn't last forever.

She was never 100% into the relationship and never will be. She screwed you over dude and is playing you for a chump. Don't do her any favors, she is the enemy whether you want to admit that to yourself or not.

Get out and don't look back. I made a similar mistake like this in my early 20s as well. You'll get over it and you'll be wiser in your choice of women in the future. You just got a bad apple.
 

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