I have only been on this forum for a couple of days, and after inadvertently interfering with another thread, I am starting this one.
I've been married for 6 years, 5 of which were while I was in the military. I consider myself a Christian, so I have a hard time moving to get a divorce, if I'm the only one in the marriage who feels this issue is significant.
When we met, he was the very first person to actually pursue me, and with other stressors that I encountered in the military, I made the mistake of not taking time away from him to truly reflect on my own feelings. He was very adamant in his pursuit and I did not even considering saying "no" because logically, the decision made sense in my mind. I had no example of any sort of marriage growing up, so I wasn't looking for the chemistry at all.
At the time, I thought I was making a good decision, and he's an amazing person - I just feel like I'm married to my best friend and NOT the lover who makes me feel so alive that I blush when I am around him. I pull away from him all the time, and for our entire marriage, he has made jokes about the lack of sex. For this entire time I kept thinking that once I was out of the military, I'd feel the way I was supposed to and this intimacy issue would resolve. But now, I'm a year and a half out of the military, and I am repulsed by his touch. The main difference now is that I'm emotionally aware that it's not just me. I'm not someone incapable of sexual arousal - I just never felt that chemistry. I'd like to think I'm not a horrible person and that I was making the best decision I knew how to make at the time with the tools that I had in my box.
What really triggered me even addressing this issue, along with other issues we've had (me feeling like he resents my pursuit of professional school) was that I met someone who immediately aroused me physiologically, and I was embarrassed that it was happening. It was in a professional setting, so I have no idea if it is mutual, nor do I care to know at this point, because it is irrelevant, and the issue is with me realizing that for all this time that I thought I just had low libido (he constantly made fun of me about it), there is really a crucial element missing here.
So now, I'm on these forums and searching the issue incessantly, in order to come to some resolution. I'm torn. I don't want a broken relationship on my "record". The world sees enough of that. And I've seen enough of it, in my mother.
I've talked to him multiple times about it. Finally, he's on cloud nine (???) because he realizes I'm not just giving up on the marriage and I want it to work if it can. But he still isn't hearing me when I talk about the chemistry issue. I asked him if he ever felt "it" and he flat out told me he hadn't, but that he thinks we don't need it because we are unique. Unique we are, indeed, and I love his family, but I'm at the point where I feel life is too short to go without feeling that passion at least once in my life.
We leave on a trip for two weeks, which should be fun, as we get along great, but the intimacy is so out of whack, I cannot stand his touch, and realize I haven't really ever had that magnetic feeling of attraction. I'm not sure if it's worth the hassle to really "follow my heart" as my close friends have advised, as this would uproot a pretty decent life. We have no kids of our own, for the record. Thanks for the input.
I've been married for 6 years, 5 of which were while I was in the military. I consider myself a Christian, so I have a hard time moving to get a divorce, if I'm the only one in the marriage who feels this issue is significant.
When we met, he was the very first person to actually pursue me, and with other stressors that I encountered in the military, I made the mistake of not taking time away from him to truly reflect on my own feelings. He was very adamant in his pursuit and I did not even considering saying "no" because logically, the decision made sense in my mind. I had no example of any sort of marriage growing up, so I wasn't looking for the chemistry at all.
At the time, I thought I was making a good decision, and he's an amazing person - I just feel like I'm married to my best friend and NOT the lover who makes me feel so alive that I blush when I am around him. I pull away from him all the time, and for our entire marriage, he has made jokes about the lack of sex. For this entire time I kept thinking that once I was out of the military, I'd feel the way I was supposed to and this intimacy issue would resolve. But now, I'm a year and a half out of the military, and I am repulsed by his touch. The main difference now is that I'm emotionally aware that it's not just me. I'm not someone incapable of sexual arousal - I just never felt that chemistry. I'd like to think I'm not a horrible person and that I was making the best decision I knew how to make at the time with the tools that I had in my box.
What really triggered me even addressing this issue, along with other issues we've had (me feeling like he resents my pursuit of professional school) was that I met someone who immediately aroused me physiologically, and I was embarrassed that it was happening. It was in a professional setting, so I have no idea if it is mutual, nor do I care to know at this point, because it is irrelevant, and the issue is with me realizing that for all this time that I thought I just had low libido (he constantly made fun of me about it), there is really a crucial element missing here.
So now, I'm on these forums and searching the issue incessantly, in order to come to some resolution. I'm torn. I don't want a broken relationship on my "record". The world sees enough of that. And I've seen enough of it, in my mother.
I've talked to him multiple times about it. Finally, he's on cloud nine (???) because he realizes I'm not just giving up on the marriage and I want it to work if it can. But he still isn't hearing me when I talk about the chemistry issue. I asked him if he ever felt "it" and he flat out told me he hadn't, but that he thinks we don't need it because we are unique. Unique we are, indeed, and I love his family, but I'm at the point where I feel life is too short to go without feeling that passion at least once in my life.
We leave on a trip for two weeks, which should be fun, as we get along great, but the intimacy is so out of whack, I cannot stand his touch, and realize I haven't really ever had that magnetic feeling of attraction. I'm not sure if it's worth the hassle to really "follow my heart" as my close friends have advised, as this would uproot a pretty decent life. We have no kids of our own, for the record. Thanks for the input.